One Week
by innominate
Summary: The Domino High School sophomore class takes a ski trip. Yami takes ski lessons, Bakura disappears, and Joey and Kaiba get roommate angst. Shounen-ai, sort of...
1. Prologue

Author's Notes:  Though the rating may not be obvious immediately, this fic is PG-13 for language, sexual humor, and eventual sexual situations.  It will also have shounen-ai implications in later chapters.  You have been warned in case this bothers you.  For those it doesn't, thank you for reading, and reviews would also be greatly appreciated.  ^^

I would like to thank Ideseth and Spruceton Spook for their support in the pre-reading process, as well as Pachelbel, who also let me borrow the observation about Kaiba's hair.  At least I think she did...I can't remember if I asked or just assumed.  O.o  Uh, in any case, thanks?

Disclaimer:   _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. I'd better not be him, or my parents would have a lot of explaining to do.

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**One Week - Prologue**

            It all started with those three little words every student loves to hear. 

            I'll give ya a hint. They're not "Detention is canceled"—though those are pretty nice too. They're not, "Time for lunch," though my stomach tends to disagree. And they're definitely not "Here's your A." Never heard those.

            No, the three little words I'm talkin' about are printed on posters all throughout the sophomore hall corridor: _Mandatory Ski Trip._

            Now there's three words ya don't normally see together. At least not followed by the words "Sponsored by Domino High School Parent-Teacher Association." But it's true. Our school's newest crazy lady, Ms. "Don't Think of Me as Guidance Counselor, Think of Me as Your Special Friend"—is it me, or does that just sound _wrong_? Anyway, Ms. Freak—no I'm not joking this time—decided our student body needed more "integration."

            All ribald jokes aside. Contrary to popular belief, I'm pretty smart, see? I even know what the word "ribald" means. 'Course I also know all the jokes, but that's another story. "Integration" is fancy psycho-babble for saying we don't get along too well. Which is an understatement in itself. Just look at me, I got a black eye for every month of the year. Not that I keep 'em all to myself. I'm a generous kinda guy—I give 'em twice as often as I receive 'em.

            Though little things like that is probably how Ms. Freak somehow convinced an enthusiastic parent-teacher's association to raise and donate money, and a reluctant school board to match the donations, for a special bonding retreat at the Mountaintop Ski Resort. Must be some sort of new reverse psychology, "Reward Bad Behavior." Because ya know, if we students can't get along on a structured class schedule while wearing uniforms brand name "CONFORMITY," then we'll do so much better when we're all free to form cliques and run around in our designer duds or bargain-bin rags on a posh ski resort.

            Ms. Freak did have to compromise with the school board by saying she'll take us on our spring break. Now I gotta ask, does that sound fair? Force us to go on a mandatory school field trip during the one time we actually get to _escape_ from school? But I got news for ya—no one's complaining. There's just something about the words "All Expenses Paid" before "Mandatory Ski Trip" that makes ya feel all good inside, nice and tingly. 

            Not that it's completely true. The school's covering lodging, food, and ski rentals, though we still gotta provide the cute lil' ski outfits. Still, close enough to "all expenses paid" to count, especially for me, since my mom sprang for the clothes. It's her way of making amends for missing seven years of my life. Materialism substituted for maternal guidance, ya know. But hey. As long as she doesn't buy me anything hot pink, I'm cool with that.

            So let's see what we got now. Paid spring break vacation with friends? Check. Food provided by someone other than the cafeteria? Check. Spending money and stylish duds provided by mom with guilty conscience? Check. Freedom to choose our own roommates among our best buds?

            No check. Seeing as the whole point of this excursion is for us to "integrate," our roomies were randomly assigned so we could meet new people. Actually, too randomly assigned at first—the administrators forgot to separate the sexes and we ended up with one big ole' co-ed dorm. The students didn't mind, of course, but the admins felt the need to rearrange things to keep the parents happy.

            Anyway. Of course we protested the whole "random selection" thing, but unfortunately the admins weren't about to override that little rule. And personally, while it would have been great to room with one of my buds, I've seen the schedule for the rest of the trip, and it's basically—"Have fun and be careful!" So it's not like I'm not gonna hang out with them the rest of the time. To tell the truth, I'm so psyched, my roomie could grow fungus in his spare time and I wouldn't care. There's hardly anything that can ruin this trip for me.

            And we just so happen to be finding out our rooming assignments today. This has gotta be the only time in my entire school career that I've wanted to get there _early_, to give me a little time by myself to study the list. Yugi couldn't walk with me—it was his turn to clean the classroom before school, so he got there even earlier. He was kind enough to give me a wake-up call, which was sorely repaid by my bitchin' in his ear about the hour. So that was another part of my motivation for hurrying along, to apologize to the lil' guy.

            He was at entrance of the school when I arrived. What a great friend. I yell at him for doing what I ask and he still waits for me to arrive. He must have finished all his duties already.

            "Hey, Yugi!" I wave at him.

            He looks distinctly nervous to see me. "Um, hi Joey," he says, and looks like he wants to say more, but is at a loss for words. Man. Yugi's a pretty easygoing guy, normally. Was I really that harsh?

            No sense beating around the bush. "Listen, bud, I'm sorry about this morning. You know how I am when I first wake up. Though that's no excuse..." I scratch my head self-consciously as he turns toward me, puzzled. No pun intended. "What I mean is, I shouldn't have yelled at ya."

            "What?" Yugi says, giving me a vague look. The lil' guy's really out of it. He's not exactly a morning person either, but I expected more than this.

            "This morning. On the phone." He's still not responding to me. Suppose I deserve it. "Geez, you're making it hard on me. Listen, I'm sorry for tellin' ya only dwarves get up at the crack of dawn. I didn't mean it. It was the sleepy seeds talkin'."

            "Oh, that." He shakes his head dismissively. "I don't care about that. I put up with a lot worse at Duelist Kingdom, didn't I?" 

            Thanks, bud. I think. I pat him on the shoulder and then change the subject. "So, have the rooming assignments been posted yet?"

            Was it something I said? Yugi looks even more anxious now. "Um, yeah. Joey, there's something I should tell you about that..."

            "Really? I gotta check this out." The list is supposed to be posted outside Ms. Freak's office, so I start walking into the school and Yugi's forced to follow. "What's the problem? Hey, you an' I didn't get the same room, did we?" 

            "No," he says, "unfortunately not." He looks honestly regretful. Maybe that's what's got him down. Not like the odds were for it, but still sweet of him to hope.

            "Well, that's okay. We'll still be able to hang around each other all the rest of the time. Might even want a break at the end of the day, huh?" I laugh to make him feel better. He just looks queasy.

            Something occurs to me and I go all protective. I'm like that around Yugi, me and Tristan both. "You didn't get a bad roommate, did you? Because you just let me know. Tristan an' I will make sure he knows that he'd better not say _one_ thing out of line..." I punch my palm for emphasis.

            "No, it's not that!" Yugi assures me. "Actually, Bakura and I are rooming together."

            Well, that oughta be interesting. One the one hand, two of the smartest and nicest guys in the grade are rooming together. On the other hand, they both own millennium items possessed by spirits who hate each other. Not sure why, but it probably has something to do with Yami Bakura always tryin' to steal the millennium puzzle and Yami Yugi always sendin' Yami Bakura to the shadow realm because of it.

            But anyway. At least superficially, Yugi got a good roommate. "Cool! Did ya see who me or Tristan got?" We're getting closer. I can hear the chatter of students up ahead of me at the sophomore bulletin board. Sounds like everyone else had the same idea I did. So much for a little time to myself.

            Yugi looks like he's got something distasteful in his mouth, like Friday's leftover mystery meat. "Um...Tristan got Duke Devlin, actually."

            Ouch. That's gotta hurt. "Duke? Man, better him than me. I know you like him well enough, but I've never forgiven him for that dog outfit." I frown just thinking of it. Tristan's not all that fond of the guy either, but at least he was spared the humiliation. 

            "But Joey..." Yugi tries to say. 

            "I know, I know, he apologized. You call him your friend." Come to think of it, I should be insulted to be in the same category as Duke Devlin. Then again maybe I should be grateful Yugi is so forgiving, considering some of the stuff I did to him in the past. But I do know—Yugi can keep the forgive and forget stuff to himself. Me, I'm more of an eye for an eye kinda guy. 

            And so I tell Yugi. "But remember, Yug. No one makes Joey Wheeler dress like a dog and gets away with it. No one even _calls_ me a dog and gets away with it. And you know who I'm talkin' about." Though I do growl like a dog. Like now, for example. Grr.

            Yugi looks close to frantic now. He's dancing around like he has to go to the bathroom, but I don't think that's it. He pulls at my sleeve, forcing me to stop in my tracks. "Joey, I really have to tell you something about the ski trip. I think you should know who your roommate is before you look at the list."

            This sounds urgent. And not good. But I'm kinda relieved, at least it saves me the trouble. Like I said before, what a great friend—breakin' the news to me so I don't have to. Err, or something like that. 

            "What's the problem, bud?" I put on my most winning smile, trying to stop him from worrying.

            But Yugi doesn't look like he wants to be the one telling me the news. He's giving me a look of—is that pity? Yugi's _pitying_ me? Man, if even Yugi hates him, it's gotta be bad. It's gotta be...

            "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

            Some kid is yelling down the hall. I recognize the voice. Man, I got a bad feeling about this. I gotta really bad feeling about this.

            The guy's screaming at Ms. Freak. Ain't that cute. Two freaks for the price of one. "Look, I'll make my own arrangements. I'll pay for my room. I'll pay _you_ for my own room. But I am _not_ rooming with him!"

            Ms. Freak is flustered. She keeps pushing her huge glasses up her nose and they keep sliding back down. Up, down, up, down. She looks like a bug with a bad perm. "I'm sorry, but the arrangements have already been decided on. You'll have to abide by them to maintain your position in the class."

            "What kinda sh—" He stops himself at Ms. Freak's gasp, unable to bring himself to curse in front of a teacher. Amazing. Some things are too low even for pond scum. But the pond scum is still talkin'. "That's a stupid academic stipulation. You just wait until my lawyers get ahold of that clause."

            I can't help myself anymore. I already gotta clue to what's going on and I can't resist the opportunity. "Whatsa matter, moneybags?" I call out, parting the masses with my voice. I leave Yugi at the edge of the crowd, gaping at me, as I saunter up to the guy. "Finally find something you can't buy your way out of?"

            He glares at me. "You shouldn't laugh, mutt. I'm sleeping with you."

            Why did I know he was going to say that.

            I'll have to punch him for sexual innuendo in a public setting later. For now and for once, I'm in agreement with Seto Kaiba. Somebody mark the calendar, this is as rare as Exodia. But me rooming with Kaiba? Remember how I said there's hardly anything that can ruin this trip for me?

            This is anything.

            I turn to Ms. Freak. "Whaddya mean, he can't buy his way out? I don't mind."

            Seeing as I'm not some rich CEO with a bad-ass legal department—I'm just a generic bad-ass with borderline grades—Ms. Freak is more annoyed with me than Kaiba. "I told you, the assignments have already been determined. There will be NO changes. NO exceptions." She glares at me and her glasses fall down again. She pushes them up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have things to do, and it's time for you to be in class." 

            And so it is. Suddenly it's noise overload as the bell rings, she walks back into her office and shuts the door, and Kaiba starts to pound on it. The rest of the crowd starts chattering again and I decide to get away before Kaiba realizes that pounding a door is undignified and starts pounding me instead. 

            I work my way to the fringes of the crowd to meet Yugi. Sometime during the commotion Téa and Tristan have arrived. Téa looks sympathetic. Tristan looks murderous.

            "Heard the news, huh?" I ask him.

            "Yeah. I can't believe I got stuck with Duke!" he says. Gee, thanks bud. I see where your priorities lie.

            Téa's a good friend. "I'm sorry, Joey," she says. "At least it's only for a week."

            "_Only_ a week." I snort. "Yeah, and the Blue-Eyes is _only_ a dragon."

            Yugi giggles in spite of himself. "I tried to tell you, Joey," he says apologetically. "You're taking it better than I thought."

            "You thought I'd be ranting and raving and pitching a hissy fit?"

            "Yeah," he admitted.

            "It's on the inside."

            He laughs again, though I'm not exactly joking. Is this some kinda cruel cosmic joke? Me and Kaiba, roommates for a _week_? The only reason I'm not freakin' out is because of something Tristan once said—that's exactly how Kaiba would want me to react. So I'm going to do the opposite. Mr. Cool and Collected at your service. And as a bonus, it makes Kaiba's lil' conniption look stupid in comparison.

            Yugi catches on, though, and apologizes again. Don't know why he keeps doing that—it's not like it's his fault. And so I tell him. "Hey, at least you got Bakura. Someone got a good roommate. 'Course I don't know Téa's yet."

            At this Téa tries to blush modestly, but can't hide her smugness at the fact that her fortune is apparently better than mine. She ends up looking like a smirking tomato. "Well, um, you see, there were an odd number of girls in the grade...somebody had to be left over, you know, and...Igotaprivateroom." She mumbles the last bit. I still catch it and glare at her.

            "I gotta put up with the freak of the month, and you get a private room?" 

            Téa's not _that_ good a friend. "I guess that's life," she says. Always thought that girl was more callous than she let on. She waves good-bye. "I gotta get to class. See ya!" I'm still ticked and growl at her back. 

            "Oops, me too! Bye, Joey! See you after school!" Yugi rushes off. Tristan and I have got homeroom together, so we start meandering our way down the corridor. Neither of us can believe our luck and each think we got the raw end of the deal.

            "Mine wears dice from his ears," Tristan says.

            "Mine's hairline changes according to the weather," I retort. Tristan and I once tried to figure out Kaiba's ebb-and-flow hairline. We finally blamed it on hair gel inexperience.

            "Mine has an obsession with a long-haired pillock," he says. A valid point. Any guy who worships Pegasus has gotta be cracked, and Duke doesn't just hero-worship him. He's a one-man religion. The priest and parish of the Church of Pegasus. Make that cult.

            But I gotta say—"Speaking of pillocks, mine _is_ one." Tristan snorts in concession.

            "Mine invented a game with heart points," he says. "_Sparkling_ heart points." I open my mouth to protest. "And he sells rhinestone heart earrings as a tie-in at his game shop," he adds.

            Wow. I never knew. Come to think of it—I probably shouldn't ask how Tristan knows, either. So I just state the obvious. "At least yours _has_ a heart!"

            We reach homeroom. Guess who's in the doorway. The heartless ebb-and-flow-hairline pillock himself. He glares at me.

            "You're sleeping on the floor, mutt."

            And then he walks away. Tristan and I exchange a look.

            This is going to be a _long_ week.

**TBC...**

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_Review responses (for reviews posted between 11/6/03 and 11/19/03):_

hyper katana 49737: Not _particularly_ evil...just regularly so. :) We'll see how Joey copes...

Spruceton Spook: Am I any closer to subverting you to _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ yet? Mwahahaha...or wait, funky lettering deserves a funky lettering response. MwAhAhAhA...and now that looks like an amalgam of an Irish name. Anyway. I'm halfway through revising the next chapter, and so then you'll see what else happens on this "innocent" ski trip... *coughcough* What?

ideseth: Thanks! Right back at you with "Closer to Fine." ^.~

Erisu_Chan: Thanks! Hope you keep liking it.   
  
Ryan-Ookami: I love writing in Joey's voice, so I'm glad you could "hear" it! 

QueenAllie: Heh, I am going to have a little fun with the Tristan/Duke rooming situation. Not specifically chaseshipping, but the opportunity for some jokes is too good to pass up... 

D. Draggy: You know you're entirely to blame for this fic. I've probably told you this a million times, but I never would have considered it had it not been for "Being Dead Ain't Easy". It's also my model for Joey-humor. Pardon my idolizing... :p

Riah-chan: Thanks so much! I checked your profile and...wow, you've lived in Japan? I'm so jealous. ;)

Icy Flame: Never been called a 'god' before. You're sweet! *blushes* Thanks for mentioning the Ryou fic, I can always use a recommendation. And as for Bakura, he does have a role in the story of sorts...mostly as a source of concern for Joey, but I can't exactly leave him out... ^^

Random Reader: I like your name--it's alliterative and has the word 'random' in it. Yes, I am that weird. ^^; Thanks for the review!

Sheron: It's a privilege to meet your criteria. _I_ hope I can update every two weeks myself... i. ^^

QueenV: Actually, the comment on Seto's hair can be blamed on Pachelbel. She also called his "gravity-defying trench coat" a "hoop skirt, circa 1890." *lol* Came from "Yami Yugi's Diaries," if you're interested. As for shounen-ai...well, there will be _something_ juicy, though I'm not exactly sure what to call it, but hopefully it will please the Joey/Seto fans! They _are_ an amusing couple. :D

Tuulikki: I'm glad you realized it was me--I was worried someone from the message board would notice it and report to me that I'd plagiarized myself. ^O^; Btw, I saw your profile--I didn't know you were 24! Me too, but everyone thinks I'm younger...

Ryo0oki: Thanks for a spot on your favorites listing--I hope I can live up to the standard. And yes, I love Jou-POV, so much so I usually even like the dub's jokes. He's just so likable in any language. ^^

AkaVertigo: Thanks so much!

  



	2. Day One

Author's note: Rating is PG-13, though it's not entirely relevant for a couple more chapters. I also based some of my characterization in this chapter from the very first manga volumes, and if you've read any of those, then you understand why I placed that comment alongside the rating warning.  ^^;

Thanks to everyone who reviewed—I wrote personal responses, because I like them myself, but I posted them on my livejournal rather than in the chapter.  The link is on my profile.  And you also introduced me to some great stories through both your own fanfiction and your favorites, so I thank you for that too.    

Disclaimer:  If I owned _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ then sex in the soul room would be canon.  So it's probably a good thing it belongs to Kazuki Takahashi instead. 

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**One Week - Day One**

          "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round...'round and 'round...'round and 'round...the wheels on the bus go...OW!"

          "Do they now," Kaiba says, as I rub my head from where he smacked me upside it. Underneath us, the wheels on the bus really do go 'round and 'round as we travel towards the mountain lodge. A charter bus, to be precise, with cushy seats, a TV suspended from the ceiling, and even its own bathroom. The school rented two of 'em for the trip. Would've been a pretty comfy ride—that is, if we hadn't been ordered to share seats with our roommates.

          I glare at mine. "What'd you do that for?"

          "Mutts are supposed to be seen and not heard," he says, not even looking up from his book. It's a big book, about as thick as his skull. I'd looked over his shoulder at it once but the words were so big it seemed they had scrambled just to spite me. I'm not a reader—well, okay, except for certain magazines I get, but I wouldn't really call that _reading_, exactly...ahem.

          "Well, I'm bored." I sigh. Speaking of reading, I shoulda read the fine print for our 'week-long trip'—turns out two of the days of our week would be spent traveling to and from the ski lodge, seeing as it was twelve hours each way. And today, only ten point five more hours to go. 

          I halfheartedly wonder how Tristan and Duke are gettin' along on the other bus. Tristan and I got a bet going about which one of us will come to blows with our roommate first. And then we got a side bet about who'll win. I got it tougher with Kaiba, 'cause I'll admit—just not to him—that he's not all talk; his fists can back up that mouth of his. Whereas Tristan could beat Duke up in a heartbeat—though I doubt Duke's above hitting below the belt with those dice of his.

          Eww. Bad mental image. I shudder and kick the seat in front of me. The person sitting in it turns around and looks at me. "Sorry, Yugi," I say sheepishly.

          Yugi knows me and my attention span and just smiles in sympathy. "Wanna borrow one of my catalogs?" he offers.

          My best friend reads advertising in his spare time. Considering our class, if it were anyone but Yugi I'd think he was cutting out letters for one of them ransom notes. But since it is Yugi, I know it's some sort of duel monsters advertisements and furthermore, he's just trying to help his grandpa. I do wanna see which new booster packs they have out. And since Yugi's grandpa will order one for me if I ask...

          "Sure, thanks," I say, and he tosses a catalog back at me. I pass lots of junk. Keychains. Cheap plastic card cases. And hey, those rhinestone earrings Tristan was talkin' about. Duke must be franchising. 

          The adverts for the booster packs are near the back. I'm sitting and debating between Garoozis and Ax Raider when a shadow falls over the page. 

          "Excuse me," I shake the catalog and knock Kaiba away from my shoulder, "I believe I was reading here."

          "The mutt can read?" Kaiba says sarcastically. He reaches for the catalog. "Let me see that."

          Okay, so maybe I just said that I'm not much into reading, but if it bothers moneybags, then call me bookworm. Even if it's just a freakin' advertisement. Funny how much more valuable a thing can be when someone else wants it. And now I know what to get the guy who has everything—I think I'll give Kaiba fifty pounds of junk mail for his next birthday.

          "When I'm finished," I say. I study the catalog like it's Shakespeare. 'Course then I really _couldn't_ read it, as it's written in that stuff English teachers have the gall to call 'modern' English.  Ah, there's the rub.

          Kaiba rolls his eyes and reaches for the catalog again. "I just need it for a second. Be a good doggie and put the paper down. "

          He has some nerve. Did he even say _please_? I think not. Oh, and he called me a dog. Again. Ya know, it's sad when you get used to these things.

          "It's mine." I continue to peruse the booster packs. A Red Eyes Black Dragon or a Buster Blader? That is the question. Then Kaiba swipes at the catalog and—hey, he's got it.

          "Gimme that!" We struggle, and of course—rip. Kaiba's holding the rest of the catalog with one page torn out. The page that's in my hand. I bet Shakespeare never had it this rough. 

          Yugi peers around the seat again. "Sorry, Yugi," I say sheepishly. Again. He looks at me curiously but shrugs. 

          "No problem." 

          "Just as I suspected..." Kaiba is mumbling to himself, not even bothering to apologize to Yugi for actin' like a baby and ripping his catalog. A Kaiba by any other name is still a jerk. I glance over to see what was so important. He's in the electronics section, and he pulls the page away from my view when he sees me staring. "Excuse me, I believe I was reading here." 

          Excuse me, he stole my line. I huff and shake out my single page of advertisements. "Fine, I'll just sit here and look at my Dank Magician in peace, then." I blink. Oops. Just another reminder that I need more than three hours of sleep a night. What? I was excited in spite of my roommate. And now I'm so tired that words are playin' Scrabble on their own, but that's a small price to pay.

          Yugi laughs, probably picturing some strange fusion of the Dark Magician and the Thing That Hides in the Mud, while Kaiba just gives me a strange look, not bothering with an answer. He snorts at the catalog. 

          "Your _grandpa_ actually buys this junk?" he asks Yugi. He says _grandpa_ like it's a dirty word. 

          "Sometimes," Yugi says amicably. Lately he's been ignoring anything short of a direct insult, and sometimes even those, from Kaiba, as he's still obsessed with making friends with him. The lil' guy's a bit crazy on the friendship front. Not that it don't look good on him, but still. At times like these I think he must've been baptized in the Hope Springs Eternal one too many times. Sorta like that Achilles guy we learned about in English. 'Cept instead of having a weak heel he's tryin' to befriend one. 

          Kaiba's scowling at the page, completely ignoring Yugi's indomitable happiness. "He should stock from Kaiba Corp," he says. "Our most primitive model is ten times more technologically advanced than this..." He casts a derisive glance at the page. "Game Boy thing."

          I take this opportunity to butt into the conversation. "Yeah, right! Like Yugi's grandpa would ever buy anything with your sorry name on it."

          "Do you have a catalog?" Yugi asks.

          Sigh. Et tu, Yugi?

          While Yugi tries to bond with Kaiba over mutual funds, I take a look at the watch my sis gave me as a birthday present. It's in the shape of a time wizard, get it? And when the big hand is on the warphole and the little hand is on the skull we'll be at the lodge. Which means that now, only ten point twenty-five hours to go. 

          "The people on the bus go up and down...up and down...up and down...the people on the bus go..."

          This time, I manage to duck.

~~~

          So, one lunch stop, two food fights, three cases of carsickness, four bad movies, five fist fights, six cat fights, seven lost cell phones, eight stolen wallets, nine thieves rounded up, ten sexual harassment complaints, eleven bitch-slaps, and twelve hours later, we make it to the lodge. Ms. Freak had one-hundred pages of 'minor incident' reports to fill out, though I dunno why she looked so frazzled and surprised—the only thing surprising is that Yami Bakura wasn't one of the thieves. 

          The guy did try to start a shadow game on the way to the lodge. The only reason it didn't work was because Kaiba accidentally-on-purpose knocked over the tray Yugi and Bakura—well by that point their alter egos—were dueling on. I think he was actually trying to sabotage Yugi's hand, but that Yami Yugi has reflexes like a cat. While the other Bakura dropped his deck, we stopped for lunch, game over. Yami Yugi wins by default. Yami Bakura was pissed, but so what else is new? I'd feel sorry for nice Bakura, but I got the sneakin' suspicion he had something to do with throwing the game—literally speaking—near the end.

          But enough o' that. Now we're here and it's too dark to ski because we got here at suppertime and not only that, it's raining. Raining. At a ski resort. That's just _wrong_. What's up with these admins? Didn't they check the weather report before leaving? 

          But since we're all tired and cranky and hungry, in spite of our grumbling we're all herded rather easily into the ski resort's main dining room. And I smell—steak. Hamburgers. Grilled chicken. To a vegetarian, it's a nightmare, but to Joey Wheeler, it's heaven. The class gets collectively happier as there's one mad rush to the all-you-can-eat buffet. That's more than two-hundred kids rushin' a hapless food bar. If the chicken weren't already dead it'd be runnin' away with its head cut off.

          The food bar is saved when the chaperones form a human barricade and force us to act civilized about this whole mess. I bet the anchovies are quivering with relief. Dunno why. Who cares about anchovies? 'Cept people like Mako, but he's not in my school. He's probably still trying to cross the ocean on a surfboard to find his father or something. Poor guy. It's gotta be rough always swimming with the sharks, but then again, with Kaiba as my roommate, we've got something in common now.

          Once I fill up my plate, I start lookin' for the others. Yugi's right behind me. Tristan an' Duke somehow got at the front of the line and they're already sitting down. And they're laughing together. Again, I might add. They kept each other in hysterics over lunch reciting practically the entire script of _Dumb and Dumber_. Can you believe it? Tristan's not only fraternizing with the guy who made me dress up as a dog, but he's sharing _our_ movie! I really gotta do something about that. 

          I stalk up to them. "So now what's goin' on?"

          Duke gives my navel a quizzical look. Oh, that's because he's trying to look Yugi in the eye and I'm currently blocking his view. I scoot out of the way as he says skeptically, "I didn't think Yugi liked this kind of stuff."

          Tristan snorts. "Of course he does. He only _looks_ like a child." 

          Uh-oh. Tristan's been hangin' around Duke too long—he should know better. Ya wanna piss Yugi off, all ya gotta do is mess with his looks. He gets highly sensitive. 

          Case in point. "I do not!" Yugi says. With that glare and that hair, he looks like a tie-dyed porcupine. Hey, I'd be scared.

          But Duke's immune to it. "If you say so—" He crooks his finger for Yugi to come closer, and though Yugi's still mad, he leans in a little further. Duke gives Yugi a sly glance. "We're doing a little—_comparison_—of the latest Playboy bunnies."

          Yugi's eyes get wide and he forgets all about his annoyance. "Really...?" he says eagerly. And then—"OW!"

          Téa's gone and yanked on Yugi's chain. Uh, that's not what I meant. Anyway, she's got him by the scruff of his millennium puzzle and is giving Tristan and Duke a disdainful look. "What are you perverts doing? Come on, Yugi. I don't want these guys corrupting you." She pulls him away. Yugi looks highly pained.

          I grin, then shrug at Tristan and Duke and follow Yugi. Under normal circumstances Yugi probably wouldn't have minded a tête-de-tête alone with Téa, but seeing as she's just wounded his manly pride, I gotta go salvage it. When she turns her back to sit down I lean over and whisper in his ear, "Don't worry, bud. When we get home I'll let ya borrow some of my own mags."

          Yugi goes from being bummed to awed again. "Really Joey?"

          "Sure! Gotta pay ya back for those catalogs, ya know."

          Yugi's got the look of Christmas on his face. His eyes go all sparkly with joy. "Wow..." 

          Téa just glares at me. She can't tell what I'm sayin' but knows that I'm undermining her influence. So our definitions of friendship are a little different—she thinks bein' a friend is givin' pep talks and snuggle-bunnies. I say, what's a best friend if he won't share his porn?

          Anyway, we survive dinner together. Téa's even kinda cool when she's not pullin' the "Mother Téa" act. In fact she gave us the dirt on everything that happened on the other bus—apparently Tristan and Duke were involved in two of the harassment complaints for some sort of lewd and illicit activity involving mirrors. Which is an idea they stole from me, I might add. But we didn't get to hear how the story ended because in the middle of it we hear what's to me the teeth-grinding sound of someone runnin' a finger over the rim of a glass of water. And next to an overly sensitive mike at that. I sigh. That's Ms. Freak's classic way of getting attention in the cafeteria.

          Sure enough, she's standin' up close to the lodge's fireplace. She clears her throat into the mike and I can't tell if it's the mike squealing or her. "Attention, Domino High School Students," she says. "Domino High School Students only, please." I look around. It's after normal dining hours and there's like, five people in here that don't look like they're part of our group. And they're hotel staff. Ms. Freak still waits till they all look away to make sure her point is clear.

          "Well, here we are, at the Mountaintop Ski Resort," she says, beaming at us as if we were supposed to clap at that statement. No duh. Ya know, she and Kaiba could get along well if they tried hard enough. They both got this thing for stating the obvious.

          When we don't automatically cheer, she clears her throat again and says, "Since the weather didn't correspond with our initial plans, the resort staff has graciously allowed us the use of their dining room for the evening. So..." Her voice goes all high-pitched and squeaky, like she's trying to convince a bunch of toddlers to take their vitamins. "We've decided to pair up with our roommates and all play getting-to-know you games!" 

          Oh boy. A million thoughts in various shades of wrongness go through my head. I shake my head so hard to get rid of them that I got vertigo when I finally look back up at Ms. Freak. She's just standing and smiling at us, waiting for our reaction. Surely she didn't actually expect applause to that statement. Surely she could foresee the groans and shouts that pronouncement would cause. Doesn't look like it though, from the look on her face. First she's surprised, then flustered, and then—

          Her hair seems to frizz to twice its normal size, and she raises her eyebrows so high they disappear into her pouffy bangs. Very menacing. "You will find your roommates, _now_," she snarls. Yikes. She's a bug with the heart of a pug. Lookit, that rhymes. I'm a poet and don't know it. Ms. Freak can't hear my doggerel so she barks her last instructions at the microphone. "Take a few minutes to break the ice. And _have fun_!"

          Now I always thought that if you have to be told to have fun, what's comin' up is about as fun as a root canal. But still, I stand up and roll my eyes at Yugi, who looks sorry for me. "Talk to you later, Yug. Looks like I gotta go find the monkey."

          Yugi laughs, which completely discredits the admonishing tone he attempts to use with his next words. "That's not very friendly, Joey." 

          And to Yugi, that's a capital offense. I give him a pat on the back to show I don't mean anything by it. "No worse than being a dog, I think. Hey, maybe we can count our fleas together—that friendly enough for ya?" Yugi laughs again and suddenly Ms. Freak swoops down on us. We're too close to the fireplace and she's decided to start walking around the room to see how we're all "getting along."

          Before Ms. Freak can get onto us because we haven't found our roommates yet, Téa saves us by asking, "Ms. Freak, what should I do? I don't have a roommate."

          But why'd she have to ask that? She could've borrowed mine. I could've talked to the coat rack in the corner an no one would've been the wiser. It's about as tall as Kaiba and has just as many brains. 

          Ms. Freak looks frazzled at the question. "Oh, that's right, you're the single," she says. And then she brightens. "I know! _I'll_ be your partner."

          Téa looks absolutely thrilled. Not. Actually she looks like she wants to hurl herself off a cliff, or at least hurl. But I'm feelin' something that's nothin' short of miraculous. 'Cause Téa's predicament has shown me that there are worse things than having to play getting-to-know-you games with Kaiba. I _could've_ had to play them with Ms. Freak.

          I scan the room. Moneybags is nowhere to be found. I must've just overlooked him. So I scan it again. Nope, still not there. What if I can't find him? Téa and Ms. Freak and I may have to form a threesome. I gag at the thought. Definitely gotta find Kaiba. Or the coat rack. Never underestimate the coat rack.

          I start weavin' my way through some of the tables, and I'm one of the few people still standing up when I finally spot him. In the corner of the dining room there's a lounge area we used as a temporary luggage hold, and he's barricaded himself in there with his laptop. Unbelievable. A whole week without homework, and he's still workin' 24-7. The guy's a maniac. A dedicated maniac, I'll give him that, but a maniac nonetheless.

          Gettin' to him is like an obstacle course—suitcases and stuff all over the place, some piled waist high, and Kaiba himself is radiating do-not-enter vibes. Ah well. I'm a risky kinda guy. I manage to pick my way to a sofa and knock several bags off so I can sit down opposite him. The whole time he only acknowledges my presence once, and that's when he has to move his laptop out of the way of a falling backpack. So it's not even me he's acknowledging exactly, it's my clumsiness. 

          Looks like it's gonna be up to me to start the conversation. Was there ever any doubt? Kaiba probably wouldn't even tell me if my shirt was on fire. Though I think I'd notice that on my own. Anyway, my point is that the only time I can count on Kaiba to talk to me is when he feels the need to put me in my place. Which leaves me to look around and ask, "So, Kaiba, what's with the habitat? Looks like ya built yourself a pillow fort over here. 'Cept the pillows are suitcases."

          He doesn't look up from his laptop. "Suitcases are more durable."

          Whoa. Mr. High-And-Mighty actually made a joke. That I wasn't the object of. 'Course, he may not be joking. You seen that briefcase he's always carryin' around? Thing's made of titanium or somethin'. Come to think of it—I don't think he _was_ joking.

          Time to change the subject. "So, Kaiba. Tell me about yourself."

          He just glares at me. 

          I shrug. "What? Ms. Freak said we're supposed to be gettin' to know each other." Hmm, sounds like a song. "Gettin' to know...you..."

          "Stop that howling." The look on his face tells me that according to him, my singing is even worse than my dueling. Which, according to me, means I must be good enough to be in the opera, but I prefer dueling. Anyway. I get the feelin' he cooperates just to shut me up. He snatches a sheath of papers from his briefcase and catches me off guard when he pelts them at me. "Want to know me? Read my expense reports." 

          And it's back to the laptop. I just stare at the papers in my lap in suspicion. Okay, so I'm not exactly the world's best student. But I'm not so bad at math. I even get the occasional C in there. But this? This ain't math, it's gooblygook. Columns and columns of numbers and I don't know what more than half of it means. That is, I recognize the Kaiba Corp logo at the top, and that's it. 

          I toss it back at him. "Why don't you just tell me what it all means?"

          Kaiba has a disgruntled look on his face, and I can see the wheels turnin' in his head. If he shares personal information with me, I might actually sympathize him. But he doesn't want sympathy from a 'common duelist.' But if he doesn't answer, I'd just keep jabbering. And apparently he hasn't thought of lying. So he finally gives me a response, delivered with the characteristic Kaiba scowl.

          "It means Kaiba Corp is still trying to recover financially from a near-hostile takeover, and needs me at the office for more hours than are available in a day," he snipes at me. Bitter much? But he's not finished. "And yet here I am wasting an entire week talking to a guy who couldn't beat a dueling monkey." 

          Moneybags has a hole in his pocket? So that's why he was tryin' to pimp his products on Yugi on the bus earlier. Guess now's a bad time to ask for a loan. But I'm not heartless, so I reassure him. On the wrong point. "Don't worry, moneybags, I'll beat ya someday."

          "You little..." is all I can catch above Kaiba's snort at that statement. And then Ms. Freak—lovely Ms. I-Have-the-Head-of-a-Man-Eater-Bug Freak—runs her finger over a glass of water in front of the microphone again. Over my cringing I'm surprised to see Kaiba wince too. 

          "How are we getting along?" she chirps in her baby-falsetto voice. "Are we making friends?" Yeah, I feel as friendly as a baby rabbit in a foxes' den. "Now don't just small talk," she chides us from the microphone. No problem there. Kaiba's always talkin' big to match his mouth. Ms. Freak continues. "_Really_ get to know your roommates," she says. There's a titter from the audience, but she ignores it. "We want _integration_!" A couple people laugh openly now. Kaiba rolls his eyes. So he is listening. I couldn't tell, he'd kept typing even when Ms. Freak started speaking.

          "Here, let's use an example. Téa, dear!" Deer is more like it. Téa looks like she's staring into the headlights o' doom. "Would you be my volunteer?"

          Téa sighs and walks up to the stage. Ms. Freak beams. "Tell me, dear," she says conspiratorially, "Something that nobody else knows."

          "But if I tell you here, _everyone_ will know," Téa complains. Téa standin' up to a teacher? This is fun. Her answer puzzles Ms. Freak. She pulls the mike away to think about this and the class uses the opportunity to start talking again. Out of the corner of my eye I see Ms. Freak shrug helplessly and give up. I almost feel sorry for her, in that 'not really' kind of way.

          Kaiba's still resolutely typing away. I dunno why I bother tryin'. A silent Kaiba is the best Kaiba. I sigh and try to prop my legs up on the sofa. All that happens is I knock a suitcase over and it springs open. It's a girl's suitcase. And hey, there's a pair of panties on top. A lace _thong_. This is a nice turn of events. 

          I pick it up and dangle it in front of Kaiba. "These yours, moneybags?"

          He stiffens. The guy actually _stiffens_. "Shut up."

          He's gotta be kiddin'. I've finally found somethin' that honestly gets on his nerves and he wants me to give it up? "It's okay. You can tell me. Got a secret stash of ladies lingerie in your drawer at home, don't ya? Like to wear it around the house for Mokuba?"

          Looks like the monkey's gone rabid on me. His eyes are narrowed and his voice is dangerously low. "I said shut up."

          Ha, Kaiba's getting riled over a pair of panties. This is funny. I'm pushin' it, an' I know it, but I can't resist. "Or maybe you prefer to go _au natural_. Didn't know you were that kinky."

          He slams his laptop shut and starts to pack things up. Does he really think he can get away that easily? We're rooming together, for cryin' out loud. But wait. He can't leave without a parting smirk. "Your friend Yugi does."

          Now that's goin' too far. I'd prefer not to think about Yugi below the waist. I'm into porn, not child porn. Though don't tell Yugi I said that. "He does not. You keep Yugi out of it."

          He knows he's pushin' my buttons now, so he can take the time to dawdle and rub it in. "Of course he does. Haven't you ever seen those tight leather pants he wears?"

          Since when has Kaiba been staring at Yugi's butt long enough to tell? No, that's another thing I don't wanna know. I glare at him. "Yeah, as tight as your ass."

          And the ball's back in my court. "Take that back." There's a scary edge to his tone. Speakin' of tight, the guy looks like his skin's about to snap from anger. He's never let me get to him like that before—I'm kinda proud of myself. Which is probably entirely the wrong emotion to be feelin' considering the purpose of this trip, but I'll take what I'm given.

          And what have I been given? Only one day into the trip, and so far I already know that Kaiba doesn't like people insinuating that he wears women's undergarments or likes bein' on the bottom. Handy things to know. Maybe this trip will be good for something after all. 

          "Eh, make me," I tell him, stretchin' lazily over the sofa. "You'll have to get to me first." And there are twenty gazillion suitcases between us. One thing I can count on from Kaiba, he's predictable. He hates losin' his dignity, and so he won't make the effort for a 'common duelist' like me.

          ...Oh shit! He made the effort! I'm usually pretty good about thinkin' on the spot, but the only thing I can think right now is—I'm screwed. I scramble to sit up and defend myself as I say, "Now Kaiba—"

          And then Kaiba's punch knocks me into a tower of suitcases. They all fall down, making a colossal sound, and everyone else looks this way. Someone shrieks "Fight!" and they all start running, but they'll be disappointed. Kaiba's made his statement and he's already makin' his way out, leavin' me on the floor with three dozen suitcases on top of me and an achin' jaw.

          Well, at least I won my bet with Tristan.

**TBC...**

**___________________________________________**

Review responses (for reviews posted between 11/19/03 amd 12/4/03):

Faia Ookami: Erk--I'll try to keep updating every two weeks. I'm not a fast writer, but I do want to update as soon as possible, and besides, I wouldn't want to make you mad... ^^

ryo0oki: Oh, ff.net drives me crazy with its lag time in updating a story. The chapter count will change hours before the text is available. I had trouble getting to my own fic myself. -_-' But thanks for sticking the HTML tag in the review box so I don't have to go hunting for it every time. And for the repeat reviews, I get affectionate when I see a familiar name. :)

Spruceton Spook: No, kad, I am not changing the name of the story to "OnE wEEk." :P And I wondered if I should have warned you about the disclaimer! *lol* Though it is related to the ficlet, so much that it's basically a summary--so if the first scares you, you really don't want to read the latter. ^^;;; Oh well. We'll bond over our Yugi-love. You'd definitely have to be the protector of his innocence though. I think we've proven with this story that I'm the corrupting influence in this friendship... ^%^

Sour Schuyler: I love reviews like yours; I'm a grammar freak and a vocabulary nut. And I subscribe to word-of-the-day on dictionary.com. ^O^ About the words you didn't know, 'pillock' probably wasn't on that site because (I've been told) it's British slang. I had to look it up myself when J.K. Rowling used it in one of her books. It's a synonym for—uh, let's just say a certain part of the male anatomy. ^_^; And as for the shounen-ai... *scratches head* Well, it sorta depends on your interpretation. I've always planned the story to be extremely open to the possibility (and it being more likely than not). But I find it more realistic for them to become friends first. So I'll attempt to balance that and let a person read into it what they will. ^^ Oh, and you asked my age—I'm two months shy of twenty-five. (And yes, still watching Yu-Gi-Oh!, but let's not go there.. ^O^;)

Raven'sCry: Yes, aren't S/J cute? I used to not like it much but their interaction grew on me. Thanks for the review. :)

Cyberkat: I know, I do want to write a YY/Y eventually—I actually wanted to write one first, but it's craziness the trouble I have writing one. And that pairing is one of my all-time favorites of any fandom! -_-'  But enough of my writing angst--thanks for the compliments. :)

Dragoness Kaei: Ms. Freak reminds you of one of your teachers? Poor woman, whoever she is. :) I actually didn't base her off anybody, but my sister really did have a Professor Freak once, and the name just cries for a parody. Err, hopefully nobody dies in the fic, at least not of physical wounds. Maybe of embarrassment... :)

shadowxmen: Actually I made a hypothesis once about Kaiba's underwear—I think he wears microboxers. *g* But as for what he really wears, the world may never know...

Shi-no-Nezumi: About the ""many mandatory s/j living togetherness"...no kidding. *lol* They're everywhere, and almost made me hesitate to write this, but the darn plot bunny wouldn't go away. Thanks for the review! ^^

Queen Hatshepsut II: I know, 36 suitcases--Joey should probably have a concussion instead of a split lip, but we can just blame his hard head.;) 

Hush Puppie: Yeah, I picture Kaiba and Jounouchi as the type to become friends by accident more than intention. They're definitely naughty though. In more ways than one. ;) Glad you like the story!

Sheron: Actually no, I'm not sure you ever did tell me that you love 'first time' stories. I know what you mean, though you know, we should swap our fanfiction preferences again. Sometimes it feels like they've changed so much... *lol* And I won't say anything about Joey's or Kaiba's sexuality, but suffice to say there are going to be more than a few awkward moments. *g*

ideseth: Double reviews! I should be so lucky to get that every chapter. All you require is two author alerts, you say? ^_~ As for the accent mark on Téa's name, it's because I always think of "tea" as in the beverage if I don't put it in. Guess that's my own little quirk. ^^; 

Icy Flame: Heh, I actually feel a bit sorry for Kaiba about the whole hostile-takeover thing, but I doubt Joey would. ^O^ And I know, poor Yugi's height...that's not the last reference I'll make to it. But it's affectionate teasing, I promise--it makes him that much more huggable.  ^^

ShadowSpirit2: Thanks for reviewing! ^^ I'm managing an update about every two weeks so far, so hopefully I can keep that up...

Tuulikki: *lol* about being inspiration for a fic, even if you're not sure how it was inspiration. I have had those moments, believe me. Glad to be useful as it is. *g* And thanks for the characterization compliment, particularly with Kaiba. That guy's head can be hard to crack sometimes, violent implications aside. As for the games—animal associations, huh? I'm picturing Seto Seahorse for some reason... ^O^  Btw, do you have a livejournal? If not, I was going to offer you an invite code, but you actually don't need the code any more to get a journal.    I was just wondering...we 24-year-old YGO fans must stuck together...  ^.~

number13: Heh, it's nice to know somebody's keeping up with the updates, thanks. :)

  



	3. Day Two

Author's note: Rating is PG-13, though it's not until the next chapter that it's finally applicable.  Will eventually be shounen-ai of sorts, though it depends on your interpretation.

I've forgotten to mention for two chapters that this is set between the Dungeon Dice Monster episodes and Battle City episodes, approximately.  There are a couple of deviations from that timeline but it explains the most important parts, like Joey's reaction to Yami and Duke and Tristan's camaraderie (as it's "p.s."—pre-Serenity).  Also pertaining to the actual story, there's a line from the dub buried somewhere in this chapter, but I'm not going to credit the specific quote as I think everyone will recognize it.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed—I wanted to write responses but didn't get a chance to this week, and besides, I've discovered a flaw in my reasoning for posting them on my livejournal.  I'll post them at the end of the chapter next time, and I apologize for leaving some questions hanging until then.  Special thanks to ideseth for allowing me to use the "ever-growing eyelashes" observation _and_ for making HTML-illiterate me my own website.  I have great friends.  ^-^

Disclaimer:  I do own _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  And I also have the bad habit of leaving the word 'not' out of important sentences.  

___________________________________________****

**One Week - Day Two**

          Everyone's starin' at me when I go to breakfast the morning after. No, not _that_ kind of morning after, geez. Sometimes a preposition is just a preposition. Anyway, everyone's lookin' at me, but I ignore the buzz that ignites as soon as I walk in the room. It'll die down when people get wind of the next sordid and illicit scandal, which in our class should take about five minutes. Meanwhile I'll just enjoy the attention.

          So after picking up a huge stack of pancakes at the breakfast bar, I make my way over to my friends' table. Who, to their credit, greet me fairly normal, if a little overly curious. Yugi scoots over to make room for me. He's tryin' to smile and hide a yawn at the same time. Come to think of it, he looks exhausted. And so does Bakura. 

          I give the lil' guy a nudge as I sit down. "Hey, Yug, what's goin' on? You look like you got less sleep last night than you did on the bus." And nobody sleeps on our bus. It's like tryin' to sleep through an earthquake—oh wait, I did that once. What? It was a little one. Okay, when I say nobody, I mean nobody. You'll just have to trust me on this one.

          "Umm, Bakura and I were—talking—a long time. Right, Bakura?" Yugi gives Bakura a questioning look, and Bakura looks distinctly uncomfortable. 

          "Right," he agrees a little too hastily. I raise my eyebrows. This is a little suspicious. In fact, if it weren't Yugi and Bakura, I'd wonder if the next sordid and illicit scandal would be coming from _them_. But they obviously don't want to out with it in public, so I'll grill Yugi later. 

          I turn to Tristan and Duke. They look tired too, but not the same way as Yugi and Bakura. Whereas those two look awkward, Tristan and Duke look content and smug. "And you guys?" 

          Tristan stretches lazily. "Great. The administrators forgot to disconnect pay-per-view from our room. We watched movies all night and billed it to the school." 

          That sounds like something Tristan and I would do together. But _no_. Tristan's gone all buddy-buddy with _Duke_ now. I swear, just one dog suit and I get sent to the doghouse. Is that any way to treat a guy?

          Téa rolls her eyes. "Don't you have to have a credit card for that—nevermind, I don't want to know," she groans. She looks less than her usual perky self. She's got more bags under her eyes than we carried on the bus and her hair is stuffed unceremoniously under a ski cap.

          "Hey, why are you tired?" I ask her. "_You_ got a private room."

          "Yeah, but the people above me broke curfew," she grumbled. "I didn't get to sleep until after two-thirty. Do the names Dan Brown and Adam Reece ring a bell?"

          Ha. They're only the two biggest party makers in school. Last year they held an around-the-clock spring break party for the entire _week_, and I doubt the minor inconvenience of relocation will stop it this year. Mark my words, within five days they'll have had every member of the class in that room at some time or another and have mysteriously acquired an illegal beverage in the process. And it'll all happen right above Miss I-Got-A-Private-Room's head. Ya gotta love poetic justice.

          Yugi turns to me. "How about you, Joey?" he asks.

          That seems to wake everybody up. My friends may be better than the rest of the population, but even they can't hold back the curiosity about how I spent my first night with Kaiba. Okay, _that _was a little dodgy. Don't think even I would want to know the details of that one. But as for last night?

          I shrug. "Couldn't be better."

          Tristan stares at me suspiciously. "You didn't have any problems with Kaiba?"

          I think about it. "Other than him snoring like a dog? No." Okay, honest to goodness, that was me, but you think I'm gonna admit that at the breakfast table? I get enough 'dog' comments without volunteering them.

          Téa's the one who finally asks what they're all thinkin'. "What exactly happened last night with your fight, anyway?"

          "It wasn't a fight." 

          Tristan snorts, but it's true. At least, in my definition of the word _fight_. To me, fightin' is black eyes and bloody noses and a broken rib or two. As for me and Kaiba's little altercation? I got a slight bruise on my right cheek, but if anyone asks, I can always blame the lighting.

          Ms. Freak didn't even write it up. She drug both of us out to the hallway after Kaiba's fist met my face, grilled us, and seemed nonplused when both Kaiba and I agreed that I provoked him—me because, in spite of my roommate, I didn't want to get sent home yet, and Ms. Freak's a pushover if ya play the repentant sinner. And Kaiba probably just wouldn't admit to pickin' a fight with a 'mongrel.' In any case, I think Ms. Freak was thankful for an excuse to skip the paperwork, so she let us off with the warning that if it happened again, she'd have to separate us.

          'Course, with that kinda warning, I was just waiting for Kaiba to find an excuse to jump me in the night—okay, now that sounded _really_ bad—but all that happened was we both went back to our room, where two chaperones delivered our luggage to us. I think that was supposed to be some sort of punishment, not being allowed back in the dining room. Some punishment. How many other students have a school administrator as a bellhop? I tried to tip them, but they just glared at me and left.

          And then Kaiba and I went to bed early without even speakin' to each other again. This morning he was already dressed and out the door by the time I even woke up. When I tell the others this, Tristan and Duke almost look disappointed. Not that I blame them—even if you're not a street fighter, good health has very low entertainment value.

          But if they wanna call it a fight, I'll allow it for one purpose. I remind Tristan as we're leaving—"You owe me five dollars, bud."

          "Oh yeah?" he says. Tristan's stingy with his money—he needs every spare penny to spend on girls and girly magazines. But I've got his number.

          "Yeah," I say. "Because Kaiba and I came to blows first." He sighs, reaches in his pocket, and pays up. Then he keeps his hand out after I've pocketed it myself.

          "Now you owe me five."

          "Oh yeah?" I say. I'm not so quick to part with my hard-earned cash either. Sure, it was a bet, but wouldn't you say having to room with Kaiba qualifies as _earning_ it? It's slave labor, if ya ask me—I deserve much more than five dollars. Like a million.

          But Tristan's not budging. "Yeah. You lost."

          I'd conveniently forgotten about that part. I sigh, reach in my pocket, and hand it back.

          We all part ways at the door. Tristan, Duke, Bakura, and Téa are hitting the regular slopes. Me, I've never skied before in my life. I manage to trip over my skis two steps out the door and they're not even on my feet yet. We all thought it was best I get a lesson first, and Yugi, loyal lil' Yugi, decided to come with me.

          "'Preciate ya doin' this, bud," I say as we trudge towards the bunny slope. "I mean, I thought you already knew how to ski."

          "Sorta," Yugi says vaguely. He yawns again. I look at him more closely and see him stumble in his ski boots, like he's so tired he can't bother watching where he's going. When he finally glances my way I give him a _look_.

          "Did you and Bakura really stay up all night talkin'?" I ask. He rolls his eyes.

          "No." He lowers his voice and I have to bend down to hear him. "We think our other selves dueled all night. Yami tried to keep it a secret so it wouldn't bother me, but I must have been unconsciously giving him some of my energy, because today I'm exhausted." He sighs. "Besides, I knew something was going on when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I was already halfway to the door by the time I woke up. " 

          Man. This possession stuff is complicated. Yugi mistakes my look of confusion for concern. Well, I'd be that too, but it's easier for me to worry when I know what I'm worrying about.

          "Oh, it's okay," he says. "I'll get to rest later."

          "Going to take a nap after the ski lesson?" I ask. Yugi just grins mischievously. It's a very amusing sight, Yugi plotting mischief. It's like one of Santa's elves gone punk. And then we reach the slopes where we're supposed to gather for class. We strap our skis on our feet, Yugi helping me with the ski boots.

          "Joey, do me a favor," he says suddenly. "Stick by me on the slopes."

          More like it needs to be the other way around—I'm the one tripping around on these things like I've forgotten how to walk. Is there such a thing as having two left skis, 'cause if so, I think I got them. Still, it's not like I'm ever going to say _no_ to a request like that, not from Yugi. "Sure thing, bud." 

          "Thanks." He nods at me and absentmindedly touches his millennium puzzle. And then he just stands there for a minute, blinking and looking around. Maybe about two seconds passes before he starts freakin'. His next words are a low hiss, and I have to strain to catch them.

          "...This isn't a duel!"

          Yugi's giving the snow and skis a slightly panicked look, and then notices me lookin' at him as odd as if he'd gotten a crew cut.  He figures out that he's acting funny and tries to amend it. "Uh, hi Joey."

          Okay, my first clue was the crazy actions. My second, if I looked close enough, was the fact that Yugi's eyelashes got longer. Some twins have a birthmark to distinguish them—Yugi and his kindred spirit have got the ever-growing eyelashes. But even if that weren't enough to tip me off, the fact that he's sayin' _hello_ after spending the last half hour with me is: This ain't Yugi.

          I blink. I know _about_ Yami Yugi, because Téa's attempted to explain it to me a million times (and told me about the eyelash thing). And I guess you could say I've talked with him, but that's usually only when we're dueling or in a life-or-death situation—come to think of it, Yugi has this weird knack for combining the two. But I've never actually gotten to know him, one-on-one, because he usually hangs low when we're socializing.

          Maybe I can see why. The guy's leaning down and poking suspiciously at the snow, staring at it like he thinks it'll melt if his glare is heated enough. Hmm, I think Yugi's grandpa got the millennium puzzle from Egypt. Guess that includes any ancient spirits entrapped in them. 'Winter' is probably going to take some getting used to. 

          He tries to stand back up and ends up falling down. His face is perplexed; the guy's obviously not used to not automatically being good at something. But ya know, even if the guy hadn't saved our butts a million times in the past year, any alter ego of Yugi's is a friend of mine. And I wouldn't say that about just anyone, either. I hold my hand out. 

          "Here, let me help you." I hoist him up.

          "Thanks," he grumbles, dusting snow off his pants.

          "Err...Yami Yugi, I presume?" I ask in a low voice.

          "In the flesh," he says, sighing. "Unfortunately." 

          I grin. Yami's got a resigned look on his face, like Yugi's pulled this trick more than once. And I gotta feel a little sorry for him too—I was right about the winter thing, because he's already started shivering. I offer him my scarf as I ask, "So what should I call you?"

          He's still a bit wary, but he accepts the scarf and seems more interested in his surroundings now that he's seen the people on the ski slope opposite us. "Just Yugi. People will get confused if you start calling me anything else." 

          Point.

          And then our ski instructor arrives and—_whoa_. Now I know why they call this the 'bunny' slop. Tristan, eat your heart out. I'm gettin' lessons from Miss February herself. She's clad in a purple ski suit that looks like it's shrink-wrapped to her body, and even though she's got her long blonde hair partially covered in a ski cap and is wearing ski goggles, I can tell she's gorgeous. She flashes us a smile as dazzling white as the snow we're standing on, and as I'm droolin', she pulls off her goggles and introduces herself.

          "Good morning," she says, "I'll be your instructor. The name's Mai Valentine."

          Now it's my turn to fall over. Yami returns my earlier favor and helps me back up.

          Mai looks our way when she hears the commotion I'm makin'. "Joey Wheeler? Yugi Mutou?" she asks incredulously. "I didn't realize you two were part of the school trip that's visiting this week."

          "Us? What are you doing here?" I ask.

          She shrugs. "The lodge needed some extra help while your class was here, and I needed some extra money." While I'm still standin' befuddled, she flashes another smile. "We'll talk later, 'kay? I've got a lesson to teach."

          She claps her hand together. "Everyone, spread out. Before we do anything else, we need to learn how to fall."

          Everyone obliges, but I gotta ask, "Why do we have to know how to fall? I thought we were tryin' to learn how to stay up on these things."

          Mai gives me a look. "Of course you are, but we don't want you breaking an arm in the process. I'm teaching you how to fall safely." She's walkin' among us, making sure we have enough space between us, and she swats my ass when she reaches me. I try to fight her off, but all that happens is she grins and uses me as an example when I tip over again.

          "Now, if you fall sideways, your first instinct will be to land on your knee, like Joey did just now," she says. Sure, don't mention that I was bein' sexually harassed by the ski instructor at the time. "But you don't want to do this," she continues, "because it might twist underneath you. Try to land on your hips or on your seat. And don't use your poles to try to catch yourself, unless you want to accidentally impale yourself."

          She's joking, right? Just in case, I hastily move my poles away from my body. 

          We spend the first part of the lesson practicing falling. It's weird at first, but after a while it gets pretty funny to watch a group of thirty people intentionally fall on their ass. Yami and I start a contest to see who can fall the most creatively only to get told off by Mai. 

          "I swear, Joey Wheeler, if you make it through the week without breaking something, it'll be a miracle," she says in exasperation after I execute a perfect one-and-a-half twist to land on my left hip. That's Mai for ya. Always the vote of confidence. Though afterwards Yami compliments me on my excellent form.

          Eventually we move on to walking on our skis, and then actually skiing. The bunny slope's actually not that bad. Though we don't have a real, up-in-the-air ski lift, we do have a lift with moving ropes that we can catch to pull us up the hill, and that's pretty neat. I could go skiing just for that. 

          Of course, our first run down the hill Yami does perfectly. One percent grade or no, that's not fair. The guy grew up in a sand castle and is still good at snow sports. It's my turn next. I take a deep breath and head down. Whoa, this is better than sledding! It's like—it's like water-skiing, but without the water. Okay, never been good at metaphors. But this is fun.

          I get to the bottom and try to stop like Mai showed us. But I'm going too fast, and end up doin' my best sideways fall yet. Right into the ski rack leaning against the fence at the edge of the slope. The one set far enough away that runaway beginners shouldn't be able to plow into it. Key word: _shouldn't_. I gotta better word for ya, but I'm not allowed to say it on the bunny slope.

          Yami and Mai both hurry over. "Joey, are you okay?" Yami asks me.

          "Yeah, yeah," I grumble, trying to disentangle myself. They both lean over to help me.

          "Chasing rabbits, mutt?" 

          Of course. Figures Kaiba would have to show up to witness my incompetence. Like he needed an excuse. He's decked out in a suit and skis. I do gotta give him credit, that white anorak is much better than that drab olive shirt he's always wearin', which is so wrong for his skin tone—oh, shut up. Téa's observation again, not mine. I was just pointing it out. Anyway, I don't care if he's wearing a paper bag if he's insulting me. 

          I glare at him. "Oh, go back to your laptop."

          Kaiba's attention has already shifted from me to Yami. Who he thinks is Yugi, of course. He's givin' Yami an intense look, which Yami is returning. Man, if the rivalry in the air was any thicker I'd be suffocating.

          "So you're actually a beginner at something?" Kaiba asks.

          "I learn fast," Yami says shortly. You can say that again. The guy whipped Duke at his own game not too long ago. In spite of my joking, I wouldn't be surprised to see Yami doin' competitive slalom by the end of the week.

          Apparently, neither would Kaiba. "Challenge you to a race on Friday," he says suddenly.

          Yami's caught off guard, but he covers it well, with only a quirk of an eyebrow. "On what terms?"

          Kaiba nods at the nearby beginner slope. "That slope. You'll be on it by this afternoon. Five days should be plenty of time for _you_ to master it." He says it in a way that's part compliment, part sarcasm.

          Yami counters with smugness. "You're on." 

          Kaiba just nods and starts to ski away, like he's so professional he don't have to bother givin' us a good-bye. And then he stops and looks back at us. Actually—at me. But when he speaks, it's to Yami. "You skiing with the dog today?"

          "I'm skiing with my _best friend_." And this is Yami talkin', not just Yugi. I grin. Whether he's speakin' for Yugi or speakin' his own mind, it's nice to be appreciated.

          Kaiba smirks. "That is what they call them." And all my warm fuzzies dissipate. Damn, Yami walked into that one. Well, he had good intentions, at least, and ya can't expect the guy to be up on every twenty-first century idiom. He's probably doin' good just getting past the _thee_'s and _thou_'s.

          "I will offer you one piece of advice, Yugi—" Kaiba waits until Yami and I are watching. And Mai. And the rest of our entire class. Kaiba's managed to completely disrupt the lesson, but it's not like I blame the other students—it's not everyday you get to see a talkin' monkey.

          "What?" Yami finally has to ask him. 

          He looks at me again. "Watch out for yellow snow." 

          "Hey!" I sputter as he turns on his heels and leaves. I try to think of a good comeback.           "Remember who you're roomin' with!"

          So I settle for a comeback. People are laughing, but I doubt it's at my incredible wit. I glare at his departing back. Professional my ass. Evolution never stooped so low.

~~~

          I'm still fumin' as I go back up to my room later that night. I'd avoided it as long as possible, first hanging out with the rest of the gang in Yugi's and Bakura's room after dinner. Téa wasn't supposed to be there, bein' a girl on the guy's floor, but we smuggled her in, and Mai dropped by too after her staff meeting. 

          In fact, Mai had been sympathetic to Téa's rooming plight, and so Téa will be crashing in Mai's room for the rest of the week. I tried to convince Téa to give me her room key but she refused, saying it wasn't allowed. Which means that now there's a perfectly good private room not even bein' used while I'm _still_ stuck with Kaiba. I told Téa she wasn't allowed to be in a guy's room, either, but she ignored me.

          So it's my own door I'm standing outside of come eleven o'clock, which is our curfew for the week. Eleven o'clock curfew—yet another rule the admins postponed telling us for as long as they could. Though considering I've been skiing for almost eight hours today, and I gotta be up by seven o'clock tomorrow for breakfast for another full day of skiing, I _almost_ understand the point of this one, not that I'd tell any of the admins that. Right now I'm more tired than an eighteen-wheeler. Ha, that's my dad's favorite pun. 'Cause we're the _Wheelers_, get it? Oh, nevermind.

          I debate knocking. It's my own door, but if I don't, I risk catchin' Kaiba in his underwear. And after last night's conversation that's a scary, scary, thought. I ponder for a moment and then compromise with myself. I slide the key through the lock, crack the door a little and say "It's me" to give him fair warning. When he doesn't answer I walk right in.

          "Does he have any face-down cards?" he's saying. Is he talkin' to himself? Doesn't seem like Kaiba, but then again, he's probably the only one willing to listen. But when I walk into the room, he's on the phone. Okay, I know he's a big-shot CEO used to emergencies all hours of the day, and there are about a zillion spreadsheets on the bed in front of him. But he don't seem to be doing any work as the next thing I hear him say is, "No, don't play that one. Sacrifice Mystical Elf to summon Gyakutenno Megami. She's got the strongest offense and defense in your hand right now."

          I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. "What is this, Dial-a-Duel?"

          "Shut up," he snaps at me, finally noticing I'm in the room, and then has to tell the person on the phone, "No, not you, Mokuba! The mutt just came crawling in with his tail between his legs. I _thought_ this hotel had a no animals rule."

          "Then monkeys would be banned too," I mutter, but I flop down on the bed and leave him alone after that. At least until he gets off the phone with his lil' bro. I gotta soft spot for younger siblings, and Mokuba's a good kid. His devotion to Seto Kaiba is a little freaky, but he'll grow out of it. I hope.

          I peel off my shoes and settle down on my bed. No sense tryin' to go to sleep while Kaiba's still jabbering away. I pull my deck out of my nightstand and take all the non-monster cards out, putting them neatly to the side, and then shuffle what's left. I put two cards face down and one card face up. It's Garoozis, a level five monster, attack strength eighteen hundred. I bite my lip as I contemplate my next move.

          After a while, I hear Kaiba telling his lil' bro _good night_ and to go to bed soon. I wonder why he's up so late in the first place and then remember it's spring break, and _some_ people don't have curfews. Though he's also eleven years old and his only guardian is away for a week. Who's he stayin' with, a bodyguard? 

          I weigh my curiosity against my desire for health a moment, and then curiosity wins out. As usual. Don't know why Kaiba's never realized that 'cat' is more appropriate if he's gonna give me a pet name, 'cause with every question I'm in danger of him killin' me.

          "How's your bro doin'?" I ask him. "Is he lonely in that big mansion all by himself for a week?" 

          "Hm," is all I get for an answer at first. Kaiba's arranging the stacks of paper in front of him and apparently it requires all his effort. But he finally says, "As if I would be irresponsible enough to leave him by himself in spite of this stupid trip."

          "Well, I thought maybe somebody at Kaiba Corp was with him..."

          Kaiba snorts. "After everything that's happened recently?"

          Point. Previous attempts at kidnapping, particularly successful ones, don't bode well for would-be baby-sitters. Even with the bad guys supposedly gone now, I don't blame Kaiba for being a little suspicious. But that still doesn't answer my question.

          "So where is he?" I ask.

          Kaiba sighs. "Yugi's grandpa's."

          Well, knock me over with a harpy's feather duster. "Yugi's grandpa's?!"

          Kaiba glares at me. Apparently the only thing worse than having to accept charity at the hands of his rival is having to admit it to me. "It's not exactly like it was my first choice..."

          But I'm gettin' it. "More like it was your _only_ choice." 

          Kaiba doesn't answer, but his snort tells me I hit the nail on the head. "Well, Mokuba likes the game shop. For whatever reason," he mutters. "As long as he's happy." He finishes organizing his paperwork, and then stands up and starts to walk the room. He stops at my bed and stares at the game. "What in the world are you doing?"

          I shrug. "Playin' Solitaire."

          "Hm." Appears that he's fond of that syllable. "How?"

          Kaiba's asking me how to play a duel monsters game. I take a moment to savor the role reversal, and then gesture at the cards in front of me. "I have three cards on the field. I pick two and try to keep their levels from adding up to more than nine but their attack points from going under three thousand."

          "Like Blackjack." The tone in his voice is sayin' _simple games for simple minds_. But after a pause he asks, "But how do you win?"

          I think about it. "You run out of cards."

          He snorts again. Figures Kaiba wouldn't see the point of doin' something just for fun. I mean, I only invented the game when I was first learning to play duel monsters so I could familiarize myself with my deck and have fun at the same time. Obviously I prefer playin' against someone, but if I don't have that option, it's still a way to pass the time. 

          Yet Kaiba's still watching me as I pull my Flame Swordsman and an Ax Raider for a successful turn. "You don't use your trap or magic cards," he says. 

          The guy doesn't miss a thing. But I have to admit, "I haven't figured out how to use them yet."

          He thinks about it. "You could at least put your equip cards in—you've got a Salamandra and a Dragon Nails, right? That would help weight the attack points in your favor. And your Copycat could be a wild card."

          I wonder if I should worry that Kaiba knows my deck this well. But I stop the game for a moment and study my magic and trap cards thoughtfully. "That might work," I say slowly. "Though I wouldn't want every card to help me. Maybe I could put a couple of trap holes in that would cause me to lose that hand automatically."

          "Or a mirror force. And a polymerization card could also complicate things, if you have one," he suggests. He's really gettin' into this. "That way if you formed a fusion monster you might have to use all three cards instead of two."

          "Hm." Shoot, now he's got me doing it. "Maybe I'll try that. Thanks."

          Waitasecond. I just thanked Seto Kaiba. We both recognize the absurdity at the same moment.

          "I'm taking a shower," he says abruptly and walks into the bathroom. He probably has to punish himself now for bein' nice to the neighborhood stray. While I'm left staring at my cards in confusion. If I'm not mistaken, Kaiba and I just cooperated with each other for a grand total of two minutes. As eventful as the past couple of days have been, forget the bus ride, forget last night's fight, forget Yugi's little spirit-switch on the ski slope.

_          This_ is the strangest thing that's happened all week.

**TBC...**

___________________________________________

Review responses (for reviews posted between 12/4/03 and 12/17/03): 

Syn: *blushes* Thanks so much for the complement. And I'm also glad you liked Joey's "subtle intelligence" (nice phrase!) as I tend to think of him more as spontaneous than unintelligent. Not that he doesn't have his moments where sense takes a vacation... ^^

Leaf Zelindor: Glad you like it! Heh, I'm not sure how to describe the shounen-ai in this, but hopefully it will satisfy everyone. :)

Spruceton Spook: It's snowing for you? Wah, I'm jealous. Actually supposedly it's supposed to snow tomorrow, but I doubt it will stick. Not that I would mind if it did, as we're such dorks down here we close schools for an inch. ^O^; Anyway, don't worry, Yugi is nice and warm in his little soul room, probably resting--maybe with a cute fuzzy blanket with penguins on it like I have now! Thanks so much, kad! ^.~ 

Dragoness Kaei: This chapter is a bit transitional, it's got the slowest 'action' of the story. ^_^; But glad you still liked it. As for whether Kaiba or Yami will win...well, I'm not saying that Yami won't win, but it would be good for him to lose once in a while, wouldn't it? :)

ryo0oki: According to my best friend, all my chapters are short. Then again she also likes 220-page one-shots. ^O^ And fanart? Wow! I'd be honored--I'm so jealous of anyone with even a modicum of artistic talent, as I've only drawn something like three 'real' pictures in my entire life. ^^

ideseth: You seem to have problems with memory in any fandom you're in, don't you. i. ^^ Thanks again for the site! *hugs*

Sheron: You managing to love Mai/Joey in a Joey/Seto? How about me managing to write Mai/Joey in a Joey/Seto? *lol* As for the icon...how much of the two weeks is up yet? ^^

Madame Arrow Foxfire: Thanks for the review, glad you like the story. :)

Icy Flame: Oh goodness, I cracked up at the image of Bakura trying to send the snow to the shadow realm. *lol* If it's possible to work even a reference to that in the story I will and will definitely credit the line to you. ^_~ And yup, Mai made a cameo, and she'll show up again--maybe not immediately, but she'll have an important part later. I'm with you on the Tea dislike--I don't mind "Anzu" but the dub completely oversimplified her characterization to me. -_-; But anyway, hope you did well on your finals! ^^

Random Reader: I actually thought you were my best friend in disguise at first, because your style just happened to match. But that's a compliment, she leaves thoughtful and insightful reviews. Thanks for yours--and I still like your name. :)

  



	4. Day Three

Author's Note:  Rating is PG-13, mainly for the sexual situations and innuendo events that occur in this chapter and the next.  Please take note!  Also some mild language, but for the purposes of this fic, Joey's mind is dirtier than his mouth.  :)  

The _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ movie referred to in this fic is a summary of the actual first-season 'movie' released in Japan (more like a thirty-minute commercial for duel monsters, but Yugi's adorable even when he's doing product placement.)  And huge thanks to D. Draggy who allowed me to make an allusion to her story _Being Dead Ain't Easy_ in the last paragraph of the ski slope scene.  If you haven't read it and the reference to Joey being a disembodied spirit attached to Kaiba by magic intrigues you, I highly recommend you read it.  ^^

Thanks for the reviews!  Personal responses are at the end of the corresponding chapters (that is, review responses for chapter two are at the end of chapter two, etc.) in order not to falsely inflate the size of the current chapter.  Thanks for being patient during the last update when I didn't have them.

Disclaimer:  If I owned _Yu-Gi-Oh!_, Yugi's hair would not look magenta on half the merchandise.  Since I don't, I'll settle for parodying it.  

___________________________________________****

**One Week - Day Three**

            Yugi's already gone Yami on me by the time I go down to breakfast the next morning, and he meets me in the corridor that leads to the main lodge. Apparently he's more than gotten over his ambivalence about the snow and looks eager to hit the slopes, though one reason I can tell it's Yami is that he's not quite as hyper as Yugi would be. When Yami gets excited he just looks cocky. Whereas Yugi does his best imitation of a ball and bounces off the walls.

            "Yugi sleepin' in today?" I ask since no one's in the hall with us who'd wonder why I was speaking to 'Yugi' in third person, or for that matter, why I'm asking an obviously conscious person if he's sleeping.

            "We did stay up late last night," Yami says. He tugs at his collar, 'cause he's already wearing his ski clothes but they're too warm for inside of the lodge. I notice he's got his own scarf today. Magenta, to match his hair. Or excuse me—latently red but repressing it, since Yugi gets mad if I insinuate he's wearing anything remotely associated with pink. Not my fault I know my Crayolas.

            Anyway, his reply doesn't really tell me anything. I have to ask, "And did Yugi do this voluntarily, or were ya duelin' Yami Bakura again?"

            Yami looks affronted, though whether it's because I assumed he was causing problems with Yugi or keepin' company with Yami Bakura is anyone's guess. "We were just—talking—a long time."

            Yami obviously wasn't paying attention when Yugi gave the exact same excuse yesterday. Makes it easier for me. I raise my eyebrows. "That's just what Bakura said yesterday, too." 

            "So, Yugi says I need to try this thing called a pancake, Joey," Yami says, choosing this time to approach the dining hall. "Where are they?"

            Yup. They were duelin'. Or if not, I probably don't wanna know what they were doin'. Those shadow games, man, they're freaky. And—no, not _that_ kind of freak, geez.

            But breakfast is fun. First I introduce Yami to the modern invention I like to call a coat rack so he doesn't sweat through the entire meal. I make sure he notices the astounding similarities between it and Kaiba before letting him move on to the pancake bar. After educating him on the differences between blueberry and apple cinnamon, I tell him he has to get at least a dozen of whatever he chooses if he wants to compete with Tristan an' me. He declines—he actually _declines_. I thought the guy never turned down a challenge, but then again, he's probably had advance warning from Yugi about the side effects of our last pizzathon. Oh well, his loss.

            Then when we sit down, Téa picks up on the fact that it's Yami right away and the entire time I make her blush by dropping hints about her crush on him. 'Cause ya know, I'm dense, but I'm not _that_ dense—it's about as obvious as our principal's toupee. Though in spite of that fact Yami still doesn't notice it because he's only got eyes for Yugi. No, that's not quite what I meant. It's just that he's more interested in the body he's livin' in than some girl's. Hold it, I didn't mean that either. It's just that touching Yugi is like touching himself. Ya know, I'm burying myself here.

            Anyway. As for the others, Tristan and Duke are starting to get highly annoying with the buddy routine. But even I gotta admit that it _is_ pretty funny when they use their powers for good instead of evil and tag-team to annoy Kaiba, who's in a corner with his laptop all by himself. Duke pulls all sorts of dice tricks on him, and Kaiba tries to ignore him, but finally takes the bait. I can't hear what they're saying but I don't have to. It goes a little something like this:

            Duke says, "I can move the dice from under the cup without even touching it. In fact, they're already gone." 

            Kaiba says, "They are not," and picks up the cup to prove it. 

            Then—you guessed it—Duke picks up the dice and wins. In other words, same trick I fell for. Geez. And who's calling who the dumb mutt? 

            But I finally stalk over and pull them away when it looks like Kaiba's gettin' so hot under the collar that he could fry bacon on his neck. I don't do it to be nice or anything. It's just that _I'm_ the one who has to live with him. Kaiba leaves right afterwards, but not before giving me this weird sort of glare as if he's not sure if he should kick me or pat me on the head and say "good dog." 

            And then Bakura's quiet most of the time, leading me to believe Yami Bakura has sensed Yami Yugi's presence and is just lyin' in wait. It's more than a little freaky, but nothin' happens. He just fakes a pleasant-Bakura smile when we finish and separates from the rest of us, heading off to a more wooded area of the ski resort. That kinda worries me—all those cute furry critters better be in hibernation by now because I get the feeling Yami Bakura eats cute for breakfast. And raw at that.

            At the door, Yami and I part ways with the others again, and after we've gathered up his ski stuff and are walkin' outside he looks at me. "So, Joey..."

            "No way." I cut him off before he can even suggest it. "I absolutely refuse to take _Introduction to Skiing_ more than twice."

            Yami and Mai didn't trust me on any of the other ski slopes yesterday for some reason. I swear. Get your zipper caught on the rope tow _once_ and consequently almost hang yourself and people lose all sorts of faith in you.

            Yami's look is not exactly confidence inducing, but he just nods. "In that case, Mai suggested we try that course first." He points to one just past the bunny slope. "Just to warm-up, she said."

            On the one hand, if Mai suggested it with me in mind it's probably little more intimidating than the bunny slope. I guess that makes it the jackrabbit slope. And then on the other hand, it's the one Kaiba pointed to yesterday. Which would make it the jackass slope. However, if he thinks Yami can take it, I gotta prove that I can do the same. 

            Yami and I ride the ski lift up to the top of the nearest beginner course. The lift operator has to stop the lift for me when I'm enjoying it so much I forget to jump off at the end. Oops. And then we're standin' at the top of the hill and looking down. All that snow, just waiting to be crisscrossed with ski tracks. All those beginners, just waiting to be run over. 

            I look at Yami. "Race you to the bottom."

            He tosses his latently-red-but-repressing-it scarf over his shoulder. "You're on."

            Actually—we're off. Racing down the slope, that is. Yami beats me, but I'm right behind him. Well, halfway up the slope while he's already reached the bottom. But it's not my fault.

            "That four-year-old cut me off," I protest when I reach him. "You saw him, right?"

            He nods solemnly. "Yes, that was a vicious little toddler." I think I'm bein' patronized.

            "I'm tellin' ya, the punks are getting younger and younger." But I square my shoulders and give Yami a look. "Rematch?"

            We ride the ski lift again. I flummox Yami with the question of which came first, skiing or the ski lift. I say the ski lift, because if you can't get to the top of the mountain, how are you supposed to ski? He's still puzzling the mechanics of that when we get to the top. I remember to jump off this time. 

            "You go first," he tells me. Excuse me? Is he tryin' to give me a head start? C'mon, I'm better than that.

            "No way!" We argue over it. But when both of us just stand around stupidly instead of skiing, I finally take him up on it just to show him up. I'm not taking that sitting down.

            Okay, apparently I am. I round the short corner at the top of the slope only to fall over and flounder in the path of a grooming machine. You know, one of those things that's the opposite of a snowplow—it packs the snow and whatever else is in its way, whether it be rocks, branches, or humans. I try to scramble out of the way, but every time I'm halfway up I start sliding down the slope again and land right back on my ass. Meanwhile the operator, who looks like he belongs in a Stephen King novel, is aiming directly for me with a maniacal grin. Why do these things always happen to me? 

            I'm frantically tryin' to make it to the safety of the bushes and wondering if anyone will believe my death was not accidental when who should come flying around the curve—scarf billowing magnificently behind him like a brilliant magenta cape—but my knight in shining millennium puzzle, Yami. He swoops down, pulls me to my feet, and saves me the overgrown tractor. Which is something like favor number five-hundred sixty-three that I owe the guy.

            At the bottom, my life is still occasionally flashin' before my eyes, but you know what they say. If ya fall off the ski lift, get right back on again. Or something like that. I look at Yami again. "Another rematch?"

            And we ride the ski lift. I'm starting to think I should just stay on at the end—I could ride this thing all day and have just as much fun as on the slopes. But the third time's the charm, because Yami and I take off at the same time and I can keep up with him. In fact, halfway down the slope I'm actually starting to gain an edge on him. 

            And then that mogul gets in my way. I lean down to ski over it in a kneeling position, but I lose my balance and end up fallin' on my ass. Thing is, I'm going so fast I end up flyin' over the bump in a sitting position, butt and feet perfectly parallel to the ground. I make it almost to the bottom of the hill this way. 

            When I skid to a stop, two stoners are staring at me in awe. "That was an awesome trip, dude," one tells me. I can't tell if he's talking about his or mine. 

            "Uh, thanks." I dust the snow off my jacket, hoping if I ignore them they'll go away. Yami skis up to me and pulls me to my feet. Again. On the bright side, guess this means I finally won, though considering the circumstances, pride ain't exactly what I'm feelin'. I stare up at the slope. I'm thinking of another quote—if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. And then give up. No sense bein' stupid about it. 

            "Ya wanna see what else there is to do around this place?" I ask Yami.

            Even though he needs to practice for his competition, Yami amiably agrees to walk around the ski resort with me. It's got lots of other things besides ski slopes. There's snow tubing, which looks fun, but I've spent enough time coasting across the snow on my ass, thanks. Maybe tomorrow. 

            We pick Téa up at the ice-skating rink. She's out there doin' figure eights and stuff, and she's pretty good, actually, thanks to her dance training. After I embarrass her by whoopin' it up and pretending to give commentary, making up the names of her jumps as I go along (Triple Brown Cow, anyone?) she skates off the rink and agrees to go up to the lodge with us to get hot cocoa. Though we take the scenic route—in other words, we start walking in the opposite direction, 'cause we still haven't explored the whole resort.

            We pass the second beginner slope and Yami and I agree to try it after lunch. We spot Tristan and Duke in the lift line for one of the intermediate slopes and Yugi and Téa wave at them while I glare at their stupid matching wraparound sunglasses. I bet they think they look so cool. Hate to break it to them, but as long as their faces are visible it's a lost cause.

            Farther on we pass an expert course. Only the hairpin curve is in view from the path we're standing on. So we're gawking at the speed the people go flying around it when what do we see but what looks like a tall brown-haired mop wearing a white anorak go by. I'm speechless. I probably shouldn't be—I mean, the guy's been a millionaire CEO and duel monster's champion all before the age of sixteen, but isn't that enough?

            "Okay, that's just not fair," I say. "He can ski, too?" At least Kaiba's currently fighting bankruptcy and had his title taken away by Yami. It's small consolation. 

            "You didn't think that he'd challenge Yugi without expecting to win, did you?" Téa points out. She shivers. "I'm getting a little cold, guys—can we start walking towards the lodge now?" 

            "Sure." Yami and I both agree, but I let Téa take the lead. When Yami lags behind to figure out what I'm doin', I lean over and whisper to him, "I'll try it if you try it."

            Yami looks like he's thinkin' about it, and then grins. "Yugi says I'm not breaking our neck on a dare."

            "He's here?" I look around out of reflex, and then make sure Téa's not listening. 'Course, she understands this whole Yami/Yugi thing better than I do, but seeing as the explanation would be accompanied by a scolding, I'll waive my right to both.

            "In a manner of speaking." Yami smiles. "He likes to eavesdrop on a certain person when she doesn't know he's listening." And then I can tell his attention's not really on me anymore. "You do too." A pause while he's listening. "Oh yeah? And just who were you looking at the other day instead of paying attention to that great move I made in my duel against Duke?" 

            Heh. I leave Yami alone to argue with his other self. Ya know, now that I think about it, it's good that Yami and Yugi are friends, what with how much time they have to spend together. Gives me reason to be thankful Kaiba and I are only _rooming_ together for a _week_. I mean, just suppose it was _me_ who was a disembodied spirit permanently attached to _him_ by magic. I shudder. Yeah, that would work out nicely. Over my dead body.

~~~

            So I get to hang out with the other Yugi after dinner. The real Yugi, that is. I mean, not that Yami's not real. Well, technically speaking, guess that depends on what your definition of _real_ is, but anyway. I'm hangin' out with little Yugi. Though he'd kick me if he heard me say that. He's usually not that violent, but I teased him once that it looked like he was a head taller whenever Yami was in control, and I was limping for a week afterwards.

            But we're by ourselves, 'cause Téa and Mai are going to the lodge's spa for—get this—a mud bath. Girls. They won't step in a mud puddle, but they willingly submerse themselves in mud in the name of beauty. Where's the logic? And Tristan and Duke are hitting Dan Brown and Adam Reese's everlasting party. They invited me, but I know when I'm a third wheel. 

            As for Bakura, or rather Yami Bakura, he hasn't shown up again yet. Which _is_ slightly worrying, though I doubt I should be more worried for his safety than other people's. Yugi was concerned, though, so after reassuring him that Bakura was probably just out there somewhere playin' around in the shadow realm—he wasn't that comforted for some reason—I invited him up to my room so he didn't sit in his room and spaz all by himself. We're watching TV together when Kaiba wanders in. 

            He walks straight past me. "Yugi." He nods hello, and then stops and narrows his eyes. "You're on my bed." 

            Yugi scrambles off, a pink tint to his cheeks, and I scoot over so he can sit with me. "Hello to you, too, roomie," I say. Kaiba rolls his eyes. He moves his suitcase to where Yugi was sitting, starts looking through it, and then looks at the program we're watching.

            "Cartoons, mutt?"

            "Hey, it's a beautiful story," I defend myself. "The little boy is so afraid to lose that he won't play duel monsters. He finds the rare Red Eyes Black Dragon in his booster pack, but only those with the courage to duel can unlock its true potential. It's a real tear-jerker."

            "Well, one good jerk deserves another," Kaiba mutters, then blinks. I snicker. Glad I'm not the only pervert in the room, as Yugi looks like he doesn't get it.  Obviously I'm fallin' down on his sex ed.  Must remedy that sometime.

            Kaiba gives me a dirty look. "I'm going to take a shower."

            "Better make it a cold one."

            "Shut up." He stomps to the bathroom, but I swear he slams the door more gently than usual. He's laughing on the inside. Though I should probably be insulted the guy can't talk to me for longer than five minutes without feelin' the urge to shower.

            When we hear the water start to run a minute or so later, Yugi looks at me. "That wasn't so bad," he says tentatively. "Was it?"

            I know he's not just talkin' about the conversation. But when I say to him, "Nah, we're survivin' it," I'm actually not lying—once Kaiba and I get our obligatory insults out of the way we're cool, as long as we stay out of each other's hair. Because amazingly enough, I've discovered that his mere presence is not enough to annoy me. When he opens his mouth, that changes the whole equation, but as long as he keeps quiet and works on his laptop, I almost feel a certain amount of affection toward him. That is, I feel the same way about him as I do about my moldy old baby blanket—ya sure don't wanna hug it, but ya just can't bring yourself to throw it out.

            Yugi looks relieved, and then he gives me one of his patent Yugi-grins, the one that's so dazzling that if I turned out the lights right now I'd still be able to see. "I'm glad you're trying to make it work, Joey," he says, and suddenly I'm really glad too. "Instead of trying to intentionally antagonize Kaiba by stealing his stuff or something."

            I laugh. "Yugi, my man, you've been hangin' around Tristan an' me way too long. That's like something he would say."

            Yugi grins again, either because he's proud he made me laugh or because I called him a man. "No, that's something he would tell you to _do_," he teases back.

            He means it as a joke, but all my warm fuzzies suddenly become cold and prickly. Because he's right. Normally Tristan would've had a thousand practical jokes and back-up pranks to help me pull on Kaiba—_pull on Kaiba?_ That's disgusting, I'd have to cut off my hand. Anyway, has Tristan given me a single word of advice since I've been here? No, he's playin' tricks with Duke now—and that sounds even worse than pullin' on Kaiba. 

            But for all I'd like to blame it on Tristan, it's not totally his fault. I mean, what've I been doin'? I'll tell ya what. _Stopping_ Tristan and Duke from harassing Kaiba and talkin' Solitaire with him. Sure, it makes Yugi happy, but when my judgment is not otherwise impaired by that glow-in-the-dark smile, it's not like me. What was I thinking? Okay, so I was probably thinking my nose is happiest unbroken. But when has fear of a little violence stopped me before?

            "Joey?" Yugi's noticed my frown, and his voice has gone all soft and wobbly. I swear, the only thing more effective is when the same thing happens to his eyes. "Are you okay?"

            Of course I'm not. I'm over here losing not only one of my oldest pals but my reputation as class cut-off. But then again—why am I moping? I don't need him. I got other buddies to corrupt, and one of them is staring at me with the aforementioned Soft and Wobbly Eyes now. 

            "Yug," I say slowly, "That's a brilliant idea." 

            "What?" It dawns on him. Soft and Wobbly becomes Wide and Frantic. "No, Joey, I didn't mean..."

            I clap him on the back. "Yug, don't ya know? The road to friendship is paved with pranks and inside jokes. I'm not pickin' on him, I'm offerin' him a hand."

            Yugi pauses. "Well, that explains a lot about how we met."

            He sounds unsure if that's a good thing. Okay, so maybe I should rethink my philosophy sometime. For now, no sense wasting good resolve. I stand up and walk over to the bathroom door. "C'mon, we don't have much time." 

            "We?" Yugi asks, following like a puppy bein' taken to the pound. "Joey, what are _we_ doing?"

            "We're stealing his towels."

            Yugi just gapes at me. Okay, so it's not one of my most original ideas, but I'm improvising here. 

            "Joey!"

            I should probably feel guilty at the look of fear on Yugi's face. It's not like the guy doesn't have a sense of humor. It's just that he's also got common sense and knows that intentionally provoking Kaiba is like askin' for a knuckle sandwich with a side of broken ribs. I should know—I've still got the bruise to prove it.

            And you'd think that'd be a lesson for me, but I've got a point to make. I compromise with him. "Don't worry, bud, I'll keep your name out of it. Now are ya with me?"

            He smiles weakly, but we don't call him 'loyal lil' Yugi' for no reason. "What do I have to do?"

            Way to be a man, Yug. Kid's got more balls than a bag of marbles. "Just stand by the door and catch the towels that I give you," I say. "Quietly." He nods nervously. I crack the door open just enough to peek in. The shower curtain's opaque instead of clear, which is lucky for me in more ways than one. I've seen plenty of nuts in my time, but I prefer 'em to be the edible kind. Well, technically speaking...ya know, if I finish that thought I think I'm gonna be sick.

            But I got other things to think about—Kaiba's been in there a while and us guys don't take long showers. Téa once told me a girl can spend thirty minutes in the shower. I don't get it, what do they do in there? Not that I wouldn't mind watchin' to find out. My point is, I gotta hurry. Once I'm sure he ain't about to cut the water off, I sneak in. 

            It's hot in here. The ventilator doesn't work and I'm catching all the steam that drifts out. He's got a towel on the lid of the toilet, and I snatch that. 'Course there are other courtesy towels hanging above it, and as it'd be really pointless to steal one towel and leave two, I take those too, and for good measure, the washcloths. I pass them over to Yugi. He's holdin' them like they're contaminated. 'Course they may have touched Kaiba's body, so it's not like I blame him. Poor Yugi. I should've thought this through better—if he gets some communicable disease it'll be all my fault.

            But as for me, I grab the bathrobe hanging on the door and the clothes sitting on the sink, and then take a hand towel and leave it strategically on the toilet, both to flaunt the fact that I've been there and to give him a chance to cover his, err, dignity. Then I sneak out but don't shut the door all the way. 

            "Put the towels over on the table," I whisper to Yugi, "and then now would be a good time to get out."

            Yugi does what I ask but stands in the door before leaving. "What are you doing?" he asks.

            In answer I stuff the clothes in the closet and then sneak back in the bathroom. I glance at the shower curtain, and then in one smooth motion flush the toilet and run out. There's a pause and then a yelp. 

_            "YOU DAMN MUTT!"_

            "Run, Yugi!" I push him out the door and shut it, then run over to the table. I grab the first thing I see, a pamphlet on the lodge. I pretend like I've been perusing it the entire time and try to ignore the fact that the water's stopped runnin' and my heart's poundin'.

            My eye catches a legend, and I glance over it. Maybe when I'm not in danger of losing anything from my life to a limb, I'll really read it. It explains the levels of ski slopes, and there's a picture of the course Kaiba was on today with a double diamond beside it. I'm able to catch that it's called Dead Man's Curve. And there's also a picture of the beginner course Yami and I were on today—that one is Santa's Beard. I feel ever so competent.

            And then I hear an ominous dripping sound behind me, and a deep voice I wish I didn't recognize half so easily asks, "Are you squinting, mutt?"

            I turn around, and—

            "Shit, Kaiba, I'm gonna be scarred for life!" I feel a gag coming on, 'cause he's standing in front of me, hands on hips, in all his glory. But the worst thing is, I can see why. Literally—I'm gettin' an eyeful. The guy's got _nothin'_ to be ashamed of. As if I need any more reasons to feel inferior. I mean, really—millionaire, duel monsters champion, elite skier, and now _this_?

            I throw my hands over my face so he can't see my shock, or worse, realize that it's flattering. Apparently it works, 'cause he's pissed. I can hear him stomping as he grabs a towel off the table. "What did you expect with a prank like that?" 

            It wasn't one of my more brilliant moments. I keep my eyes covered and say, "That's why I left you a hand towel. Go cover yourself before you cause any more damage to my already fragile mind."

            "Hm." That wasn't a normal _hm_. He's got different ones to match his moods. There's an angry _hm_, a condescending _hm_, and every once in a blue moon he'll have a happy _hm_. But I haven't heard this _hm_ before, it almost sounds like a—sulk? He turns on the lamp—what, does he need a spotlight?—and then I hear him retreat and slam the bathroom door again. Only then do I lower my arm. 

            The door to the room squeaks open, and Yugi peers around it. _Joey?_ he mouths. 

            I bolt across the room. "Yug, what are you still doing here?" I whisper, giving a nervous look at the bathroom door.

            "I wanted to make sure you were okay," he whispers back. 

_            Okay_ is relative. Am I physically unharmed? Sure. Am I emotionally traumatized? That too.

            "I'm fine," I tell him. "Go on back to your room."

            "But Joey..."

            "Do it! Talk to Yami or somethin'. Tell him I saw Kaiba's baby dragon." I shut the door on his snickering. And just in time. Kaiba walks out, towel firmly around his waist, thank goodness, though unfortunately I don't have to imagine what's underneath. 

            "What'd you do with my clothes, mutt?" he growls.

            I point mutely at the closet. He leans over to get them, the towel riding up on his hips, and all I can do is stare, riveted, though by fear or envy is anyone's guess. He goes back into the bathroom without lookin' at me, while I wipe my forehead and go over to my bed, extremely unsettled. Not exactly sure _why_—it's not like I've never seen other boys' bits before, after all, I've been in locker rooms. Maybe it's just because it's Kaiba, and his naked body is enough to scare anyone. 

            I gotta take my mind off this. I take my deck out to play a game. I shuffle the thing nine times, and—okay, what are the odds?—first card I draw is Baby Dragon. I groan, remembering what I told Yugi. I'm tryin' not to think about the fact that, Kaiba's baby dragon? 

            It ain't such a baby.

**TBC...**

___________________________________________

Review responses (for reviews posted between 12/17/03 and 1/05/04):

Tuulikki: Wow, two long reviews...let me see if I can cover everything... Well, thanks for the favorite, that's the highest compliment you can give me. And I'm glad you liked the snow scenes, considering where I live we get snow so rarely that schools close if one inch is forecast. ^O^; Plus I've only been skiing once, but several of Joey's 'incidents' are based off that experience. *lol* I actually did think of the cross-country skiing thing, but I figured even if Joey knew about it, he knew Yami wouldn't. Devious little puppy, isn't he. Anyway, glad you're thinking about the livejournal thing, and I'll try not to pressure you to get one too much.... ^_~

Blue Lagoon Loon: Heh, it's fun to kick ass, thanks! *glomps you back*

Leaf Zelindor: Sure, you can use the "baby dragon" line in your fic, and a credit would be sweet of you! :) And as for if Joey liked what he saw...well, I don't know if he'll ever admit that, but... :)

Autumn-Kura: Thanks for the compliments! I'm glad everyone's in character thus far, though it kinda worries me that people are recognizing real-life Ms. Freaks.. ^O^; As for pairings, Joey and Kaiba will be the only (sort of) one in the story, though Joey will certainly insinuate a few more. I'm a YY/Y girl myself, but my best friend likes YY/YB, so a few subtle references to that will sneak in from time to time. (Incidentally, if you were looking for recs with that pairing, she's got a good fic under the pen name "ideseth.") And yeah...Malik's still in Egypt right now, as this is before Battle City. I'd like to write about him sometime but I haven't managed a plotbunny in that arc yet. ^^;

yuki44: Thanks for the review! ^^

Icy Flame: Heh, glad you like the comedy. So much of Joey's sense of humor is mine, too, or at least he makes me laugh the most on the show. ^O^ And glad you liked the "Being Dead Ain't Easy" reference. D. Draggy's great, isn't she? I wish I could write as fast as she can... ^^;

Riellz : *lol* at the caps lock...err, don't die on me! *hurries to write* 

Spruceton Spook: 70 years, huh? I guess that means a day without me feels like a decade... *lol* Kidding! But you crack me up, kad. Kaiba as a coat rack vs. Kaiba as a...kick stand? ^_^;;; Okay, I can see why you'd go with the coat rack. And funny you should mention memories, since Yami currently has three millennia's worth of amnesia on the show, did you know that? Anyway, I need Soft and Wobbly Eyes back now, he's in the next chapter... ^_~

ideseth: At least one other reader mentioned having reviewing problems too. Ff.net can drive me crazy sometimes... *sigh* But anyway, you always seem to quote some of my own favorite lines--thanks! ^^

Riah-chan: Thanks! I love writing in his POV myself. ^^ 

Hush Puppie: This reminds you of the song "One Week"? Wow. That's actually where I got the title from, but I didn't think it would ever fit, I just took it for the time frame. Nice to know it worked out anyway.  And your reviews are fine--I appreciate them! ^^

Sheron: No, I did not recognize the bit from the Evanescence song. For once you knew a song lyric better than me. ^_~ Use the phrase "to heel"? Err..well, I was actually planning on using the command "sit" sometime, but I'll see what I can do. Maybe if you beg some more it will help. i. ^^ *proceeds to throw low-flying objects*

Dragoness Kaei: I don't think it's that Joey doesn't want to see Kaiba naked--he's just in denial. ^_~ Then again, could be the soda too... *toasts a Coke in your direction*

Lady Dragon: Very lucky Joey, though I keep wanting to call him a 'lucky dog' for some reason. ;) 

number13: Looks like you're not superstitious (with your name)! Sorry I was late this week with the updates, but glad you're keeping up with them. ^^


	5. Day Four

Author's Note: Rating is heavy PG-13 for sexual situations in a shounen-ai context (boy/boy) occurring in this chapter (much to Joey's chagrin...) This is my last warning for the fic, 'cause if you don't mind this, everything else will be a breeze. And if you do—well, I've warned you for _five_ chapters...

Many thanks to everyone who wades through the warnings and notes and actually reviews at the end of it all. ^_^ My responses are at the end of Day Three (which is chapter four—yes, I've been told my chapter titles are counterintuitive). No real notes for this chapter, except that I deviated from the canon just a bit and thought I'd try a different explanation for Joey's take on school. 

Disclaimer: I don't own _Yu-Gi-Oh!_, or else we'd know for sure what kind of underwear Yami wears—if any. Wouldn't be so hard to get the camera to scroll up that Egyptian kilt of his... *whistles innocently* 

___________________________________________

**One Week - Day Four**

At breakfast the next morning, Ms. Freak apparently decides to test the theory that shared hardship promotes friendship, because she tells us we're supposed to meet afterwards for another one of her brilliant group activities. Actually, Yami tells me since I cover my ears when her mike shrills because she brought it too close to a speaker, but the point is, we're all supposed to gather on a slope at the far end of the resort. Knowing her, she's gonna force us to have a snow angel competition. I seriously consider skipping out on it and going back to bed. 

But when I mention it to Yami he's all, "A competition?"

"I don't think ya get what I'm saying," I tell him. "Snow angels. Ya get down on the ground and flail around spread-eagle. With everyone in our class doin' it, it's gonna look more like an orgy than a competition."

That gives him pause, but he's still not entirely convinced. He turns and looks at me and—geez. Not the Soft and Wobbly Eyes again. Who does he think he is, Yugi? Well, actually—okay, ignoring that. It's the one thing he's not totally great at, looks more like he has a facial tic than anything else, but I gotta reward the effort. 

So that's how I find myself tagging along to the far end of the resort to find out what sort of 'bonding activity' Ms. Freak's gonna throw at us next. Not everyone's here—seems a lot of people had the same idea as me but didn't have to cope with their best friend's other self trying to fake cute and therefore had no reservations about skipping. Still, we've got about a hundred people out here, including most of my friends, though not Bakura. I ask Yami about it.

He shrugs, obviously not half as worried as Yugi would be. "He was in the room last night."

His nonchalance tells me that, (a) Bakura is actually Yami Bakura again and can take care of himself, and (b)—"So you must have been duelin'."

Yami's getting good at avoiding that subject. "Hey, there's Kaiba." He points down the path and I look out of reflex only to see Kaiba walking up to join the group. He's actually socializing? I'm surprised, but when he glances in our direction, I flush and look away. After last night I have yet to be able to look at him again without blushing. I keep picturing him naked, imagine that.

Unfortunately, he appears to know it, too. "Why is Kaiba smirking at you like that, Joey?" Yami asks. Which means that either Yugi was too embarrassed to talk to Yami about our shared mortification last night or Yami is more sexually naive than those leather pants suggest. Somehow I doubt the latter.

"Why does Kaiba ever smirk?" I answer. "Maybe he's picturing me in my underwear." Or less. Yami gives me a strange look. But while we're on the subject, now I know how to change it. Or something. "By the way, Ya—err, Yug, what kind of underwear do you wear?"

And now Yami looks startled. "What?"

"Oh, it's not for me. Kaiba was askin'." 

"Kaiba was..." he sputters, and lucky for him is saved from answering by Ms. Freak arriving and calling us to attention. She's got a huge yellow megaphone, and when she holds it to her head, all I can see is the megaphone framed by frizz. She looks like Kuriboh with a beak.

"Attention, Domino High School Students. Domino High School Students only, please," she says. I look around and see nothin' but students, though a few birds do fly out of the trees. That must have been the cue she was waiting for. "Follow me!"

She leads us off the main path. We don't go far, just around a clump of trees to where there's a field of snow. Or what's supposed to be a field, but so many hills and ledges have been formed all over it, most as tall as my head, that it looks like it's been converted to a maze. Reminds me of Labyrinth Wall. Which reminds me of...

I nudge Yami. "Through the snow you must go..." 

He looks confused, but after a second's deliberation on the field, he offers, "...Or defeat you will know?" 

I snort, he smirks, and we high five. Well, Yami high fives. I hold my hand at shoulder level and pretend.

Ms. Freak raises her beak again. "As you can see, we've got fortresses all around." Fortresses? "This is your battle zone." _Battle_ zone? She seems to realize she's lost us and explains. "This is the Snow Dome—the largest snowball fight arena in our area. We've rented it out for the morning just for Domino High students."

Snowball fights? Does Ms. Freak have any clue what she's just done? This is the class that throws more food on a weekly basis than an army of toddlers. That practices their curve ball by pitching rocks at windows. And she wants to organize a fight with harmless snowballs under adult supervision?

...Okay, maybe she does know what she's doin'. But she still looks surprised when everyone cheers at the news. When she lowers the megaphone I can see her blushing. I guess she's not used to being cool.

Then, of course, everyone starts talkin' about it, and she has to get our attention again. "We're going to form two teams so that roommates are split up," she says. "When you were assigned seating on the bus you were given seats A, B, C, or D. A's and C's gather on the left side of the field to form team one. B's and D's gather on the right. That should separate everyone accordingly."

I'll just take her word for it. Once she's finished giving us instructions I look at Yami. "I guess that means we're on the same team, huh?" It's a given that this is a good thing—the only thing better than having him as a competitor is having him as a teammate.

Yami listens for a moment and then looks apologetic. "Actually, I've just been informed by Yugi that he and Bakura switched seats on the bus because Bakura gets carsick when he's not by a window."

Too much information, though I'm more bothered by the implications in that statement. "So? Switch again! It's not like anyone's gonna know." I'd try the Soft and Wobbly Eyes myself, but I'm more of a Puppy Pout kind of person, for obvious reasons.

It's not as if either would work, though, as he's not even looking at me. "It's just that...." He trails off, staring in the direction of team two. I follow his look and see—oh, for cryin' out loud, tell me he's not dumping me for Kaiba. I'm not believin' this.

"You'd rather be on a team with the corporate monkey than me?" I glare at Yami. 

He grins. "Of course not. I was just thinking—I can beat you in a snowball fight."

Sure, sure. I'm still looking for the ulterior motive, but I didn't say that it _wasn't_ fun to compete against him. I can live with that. 

"Oh, yeah? I bet I draw first blood," I say, and Yami looks startled again, casting a suspicious look at the snow as if it had some property I had forgotten to tell him about. "It's just an expression," I add hastily. "I'll hit you with the first snowball."

He stops suspecting the snow and regains his confident posture, giving me another arrogant grin. "In your dreams." 

We knuckle each other and then part ways. Though that effectively leaves me without a friend on this side, as Tristan is on the other team, and Téa opted to follow Yami. I start scouting for a good fort, but I'm hampered in my search when who should show up and say, "So, where are we hiding?"

I glare at Duke. _"We?"_

He misses the inflection. "I saw Tristan disappear in the northeast direction," he says. He sounds like a compass, if a compass could talk. "We should pick a spot around that area and try to ambush him."

I cross my arms in front of my chest. _"We?"_ I say again.

"Or we could..." he pauses. "Oh. You don't mind, do you?"

The guy has some nerve. First he makes me wear a dog costume, and then he tries to steal my friend, and now he's tryin' to act all buddy-buddy with me? My perpetual glare must answer his question for him.

"Okay, that's fine," he says, though he looks a little taken aback. "It's just that you're the only person I know on this side."

_ Thud._ I check to see if I got hit by a snowball already, but no, it's just my conscience kickin' me for being so stupid. It finally occurs to me—of course Duke's trying to steal my friends, 'cause he ain't got any others! He's a new student. A transfer. He's probably so anxious for a friend that he'd be happy with anyone who doesn't try to dunk his head in the toilet.

Though he's not exactly torn up over my refusal. He recovers quickly and says, "Guess I'll just have to go pair up with one of them, then," and flashes a grin at a gaggle of giggling girls looking in his direction. My sympathy for him lessens considerably. But no harm keepin' an eye on him. 

"You're abandoning me already?" I step in front of him and block his way.

He looks surprised. "I thought..."

"You think too much," I retort, and nod in the direction Duke indicated earlier. "C'mon. I saw Yugi leave in that direction too and we've got a bet going about who'll hit who first." Instead of walking around the perimeter in plain view of everybody, I walk straight through the middle and weave my way to the left to throw the others off our trail. Duke's enough of a strategist to follow without asking why.

"Are you ready?" Ms. Freak's voice bellows from outside the combat zone. Actually, no. Duke and I exchange a look and dive behind an unoccupied fort just in the nick of time. "On your mark...get set..."

The whistle blows. There's an instant of silence, and then—forget strategy. At least half the students start throwing the snowballs pell-mell, not caring what they hit. And most everyone was smart enough to stay stick near their teammates, but a couple people from each team picked forts in enemy territory and so get pelted with so many snowballs they look like human snowmen. And then, as people start advancing from fort to fort, trying to infiltrate the other side, a thought occurs to me.

"How are we supposed to know who's on each team?" I ask Duke. "We're not wearin' uniforms." Poor Ms. Freak. She tries so hard, but commander-in-chief she is not.

"Doesn't matter. I know who _I'm_ after." He grins. "How about we advance together, watching the other's back. Whoever we find first we gang up against."

"That doesn't sound fair," I say, cringing as I get the image of Yugi buried in a snow bank taller than he is—well, Yami, but it's all the same from the hair up, and that'd be the only thing visible, bright yellow and magenta poking out of the snow like a tulip.

"It's all in good fun. Besides, if Tristan can't take us both, then he needs to shut that mouth of his," Duke says. He has a point. I nod my acceptance. And if Yugi gets buried I'll just have to, err, deflower him.

We make our way forward. Both of us get hit by several snowballs, some from the other team, some from ours. But we land a few of our own, and the important thing is that Yami and Tristan haven't found us yet. Every once in a while Ms. Freak calls a foul on someone, and we all pause in our positions as we wait for her to remove the offender. Then she blows the whistle again and we start back. Duke and I actually work our way to the opposite side of the field without seeing Tristan or Yami. At this point no one has any clue who's on each team anymore, so we just hide behind a fort and figure out Plan B.

"Now what?" I ask. I'm peering around the fort, trying to reconnoiter the area, when I'm suddenly yanked back by my collar and something cold and wet slides my back. I yelp and glare at Duke. "Traitor!"

He snickers at my attempts to shake the snow out of my shirt. "Wasn't me."

It wasn't? Then Yami—but Duke said he'd watch my back. And such a great job he did, too. But if it's not Yami or Duke, then who? I turn around and am less than a hand's breadth away from the culprit's chest.

"Very observant, mutt." Kaiba's smirking down at me. Did I mention I know what his chest hair looks like? I flush again but at least have the excuse of anger this time.

"I should have known," I groan. "What do you want?"

"I need your help."

Both Duke and I blink. I try to calculate the odds of him ever saying those words to me again. It's somewhere between never and never. But when dealing with CEOs, celebrities, and other certified jerks, it's important not to show your surprise. So of course I say—

"Me?" Smooth as sandpaper. 

"It's not like I like admitting it," he growls. That's more like the Kaiba I know and tolerate. "Besides, I just need you as a decoy to distract Yugi."

This is highly suspicious. I narrow my eyes. "What, so you can attack him? Aren't you guys on the same team?"

"I work with no one," he says haughtily. 

"Then why'd you just ask me for help?" 

It's a reasonable question which logically he greets with a snort of derision. "Because it's practical. Merging our assets is mutually beneficial."

Practical? More like unsanitary. My assets ain't gonna merge with _anything_ of his. I cross my arms. "Give me one good reason I should help you attack my friend."

"I just told you—because you're already trying to," he points out. "This way we both win."

Yeah, but I sell out my best friend in the process. "No dice," I say, forgetting my company. "No offense," I apologize to Duke.

He shrugs. "None taken."

Kaiba looks annoyed at both the pun and the answer. "Fine, if you won't accept my offer, I'll just have to offer my services to your competitor." Enough with the business metaphors. I give him a blank look and he rolls his eyes. "I'll tip Yugi off to your location, you dolt!" 

Oh, that—hey. "That's blackmail!" 

"All's fair in love and war."

"This isn't either!" 

I glare at him and all he does is _hm_. That one was "amused, with a hint of condescension." Sad that I can interpret these things. 

I sigh. Here's my first choice—refuse Kaiba and assume Yami has more honor than to accept help from him. But Yami's already opted to be on his side instead of mine once, and if Yugi's in his head blathering on about cooperation—"No, Yami, Kaiba's just trying to be friends with Joey by pranking him! Joey even told me about it last night"— I'm screwed, and by my own hand, too. For all his faults, Kaiba's a powerful ally. Of course, I have help too. 

Some help. I look over at Duke and he recommends my second choice. "You might as well, Joey. Yugi will know it's not it's not your fault." He winks at me. Very disturbing. Not to mention traitorous. I shoulda known better—any guy who idolizes Pegasus ain't gonna have a problem with Kaiba's ethics.

But I say to Kaiba, "Fine." Not because I wanna betray Yami, but because I don't know what else to do and this will buy me time. I'll think of a way to avoid luring him into Kaiba's trap. Double-crossing works both ways.

"You see that tree?" Kaiba says, pointing to an entire clump of evergreens. Very informative. "The one with the fork in it?" I'm seein' why he's a duelist instead of a botanist. "That looks like Yugi's hair?" There's the clincher. I shouldn't laugh, but I do. Kaiba smirks. "Just lure him over there. He was in that area last time I saw him, and he'll see you if you make a break for it."

I groan. That little voice in my head is tellin' me I'm gonna regret this. "Well, here goes nothing."

Literally. I stall at first, sliding behind a few forts, trying to catch Yami and tip him off. But he's nowhere to be found. You'd think it be hard to hide that hair, but this is Yami we're talkin' about. If the guy can win a duel with a Kuriboh in attack mode, a little matter of tri-colored hair's not gonna hinder his camouflage. 

But when I don't see him, I have no choice but to do exactly what Kaiba asked. I dart out towards the tree, pursued by several snowballs. I manage to dodge them all and hide behind the trunk—and I still have no idea what to do. 

Might as well see if anyone's paying attention. I peer around the tree. This time only one snowball comes flying at me—yikes, that was close—from the only person who cares that a random student is out of bounds, and to him I'm not a random student. I grin in spite of myself. I found Yami. 

And ya know—if I hit him first I won't have an excuse to lure him over here. So first I make a snowball, and then I take off my scarf and hold it out slightly. Another snowball whizzes past. I drop the scarf, lean out, and lob my best fastball at him. No good. He ducks and I miss. Damn. He won't fall for the same trick twice. Besides, I'm out of scarves.

So I peer around the tree again. No snowball yet, either he's out of ammunition or he's formulating a plan. I decide to make another snowball and then watch the fort in case he tries changing positions. Doesn't happen, but I do see someone else go behind it. Black hair, red headband, red and black ski jacket. I raise my eyebrows. It ain't the Red Eyes, so—Duke?

...Man, am I really slow on the uptake today. Of course it's him, and not only that, he'll talk to Yami and I'll be off the hook. He even told me that and I was too busy spazzing at Kaiba to notice. "Yugi will know it's not your fault"—duh. Well. That's nice enough that I almost forgive him for the dog costume. 

Almost. 

In any case, I'm still stuck. Now I can't lure Yami out even if I wanted to, but if I leave I'll lose. Unless, of course, he's stupidly sacrificial and comes over just so I don't have problems with Kaiba. Sigh. Not that he's one to give up intentionally, but if Yugi decides to take over—I gotta do something, quick. I gotta—

Be stupidly sacrificial myself. I almost hit myself. This is a _snowball_ fight, for cryin' out loud. It's not the finals of Duelist Kingdom. Maintaining Yami's dignity in front of Kaiba is more important than gettin' a few snowflakes on my jacket. So I stick my shoulder out slightly. At first, nothing happens, and I think he doesn't get the message. And then a snowball splatters all over my sleeve.

Well, that was anticlimactic. 

I run over to the fort they're hiding behind. A few snowballs come after me, but not from Yami. "Thanks, bud," I tell him. "And you too," I add, nodding at Duke.

"We'll have a rematch sometime," Yami says, grinning. "Where is Kaiba, anyway?" 

A good question. Very good question, in fact. Odd that Kaiba would ask me to do something and then just disappear. Well, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. "No idea. Tell ya what, how about we hit the lodge for some more of that cocoa, anyway? Ms. Freak probably won't even know we're gone."

"No, thanks," Duke says. He scratches his head sheepishly. "I've still got to find Tristan. I lost the pillow fight last night, so if I don't get him here, I'll never live it down."

"Hey, Tristan is lethal with those pillows," I assure him, then turn to my side. "Ya—I mean, ya up for it, Yugi?"

"Sure. But Joey—" Yami looks over at the tree I was standing behind. "You left your scarf."

Damn. "One more trip in the line of fire." I sigh.

Yami's got a mischievous look on his face. Which is a bit nerve-wracking. If it were Yugi, I wouldn't worry—whatever he did could be no worse than a kitten's pounce. Whereas Yami's also a cat, but a big cat. A _lion_. With a magenta mane, no less.

He runs out before I can protest. "I'll get it." 

I sputter. "But—he's runnin' right where Kaiba wants him!"

"I think he knows that," Duke nods. "Never underestimate the power of a rivalry. He's wants to know what Kaiba's up to, but didn't want you to have to get involved. "

And from the sound of his voice, it seems that Duke _approves_ of this insanity. I don't think so. I just lost my bet saving Yami's neck, and I'm not going to let him do this. I run after him. "Hey!" Duke yells after me. I ignore him.

"Yugi!" I shout. "Yugi, what do ya think you're doin'?" 

He looks up from where he's picked up my scarf. "Joey?"

Several things happen at once. I reach him. The tree shakes. And Yami and I are covered in five tons of snow. It's _freezing_. My teeth start chattering and my knees are shaking—I'm a human pupsicle! Ha, I bet even Kaiba could appreciate that one. 

But speak of the devil, he swings down from the branch he's been hiding on and shakes his coat, which apparently he'd used for a tarp to gather snow. "Two for the price of one," he says. "Thanks, mutt." Somehow I get the feelin' this ain't a lucky coincidence for him but was in the plans all along.

He walks off, and it's like he's got some shield around him. Snowballs bounce off him like they were made of rubber. Suddenly I'm feeling much better—must be all the rage warming me up. He wants to smirk, I'll give him something to smirk about. I trip over the snow he's dumped on us as I scramble after him.

"Kaiba, you little—"

He ignores me a second too long. When he's at the edge of a fort he turns and looks at me. His eyes widen in surprise as I leap right at him and let loose with a tribal cry. I tackle him. We both go flying straight into the fort, which only resists us for a second before caving in. The people behind it scream.

As does Kaiba. _"YOU DAMN MUTT!"_ he yells for the second time in as many days. I hear the sound of Ms. Freak's whistle.

"Foul!"

~~~

Just like our first night together, we get sent to our room again. Amazingly, it's not me who got in the most trouble this time. I was just guilty of a snowballing foul. Kaiba's the one who cursed in front of every chaperone out there. It was pretty funny to watch him have to just stand there and glower as Ms. Freak berated him for a simple _damn_ while I just smiled cherubically as if such language never came out of _my_ mouth. 

Still, since we already had marks against us from our first fight, we had to be reprimanded somehow, and confining us to our rooms after dinner is they way they did it. I play my solitaire game, though when Kaiba turns on the TV, I put on my headphones and listen to my walkman to drown out the gibberish coming out of the set. Things are going fine until Kaiba violates the rules, the ones that say that we have to stay at least five feet away from the other or risk spontaneous combustion. I feel the earpiece pulled back from my left ear and snap back on me.

"Ow!" I push the headphones off and glare at Kaiba. "What was that for?"

"You looked like you were having an epileptic fit," he says, already walking away from me. Fine. He doesn't like my head-banging, I'll bang on something else of his—wow, that sounds really, really bad.

"You big jerk." 

"Watch your language, mutt."

"Apparently ya need to take your own advice, moneybags."

Kaiba glares at this, obviously not liking the reminder. I lean back on my pillow and look at the TV screen. Some guy's jabberin' away in a language I can't understand and there's a bunch of ticker symbols on the bottom. There's also a box with close-captioning that's just about as unintelligible as the symbols. 

"What _is_ this?"

"The stock market," Kaiba says, as if it should be apparent. 

"In what, Chinese?" 

"Of course not. German." Oh, of _course_.

"How'd ya get the German stock market on our TV?" I want to know.

He smirks. "Just because the Kaiba name doesn't mean anything to school officials doesn't mean it doesn't to the hotel staff." He bribed them, in other words. I roll my eyes.

"Glad to know I'm in such outstanding company." I try to watch for a while. It's all pluses and minuses and abbreviations, like someone shook up an algebra book and divined the economy from the result. "This stuff actually interests you?"

"I have to know how my competitors are doing," he says.

"In _Germany_?" I shake my head. The guy is driven, I'll give him that. Wish he'd drive himself off a cliff, but can't have everything. 

"If it bothers you so much, go back to your game," he says. And I should, but those subtitles are addictive, like watchin' a screensaver. I spot something I know. 

"They have Coca-cola in Germany?" I ask.

"They have Coca-cola _everywhere_," Kaiba says. "You could probably go to a primitive Mexican village without electricity and they'd still have Coke."

"Wow. I never knew." We watch the screen some more. Me and Kaiba, watching the German stock market together. Who would've thought. 

I make a funny face at one of the company names. "Who names their business _Clown Manufacturers_? Sounds like they're cloning 'em."

"It's _Crown_, not _Clown_, you dumbass," he says. "Can't you read?" Here we go again. This is gonna be a repeat of the bus trip. The poor lil' illiterate mutt. Wait, let me predict the insult—can't teach an old dog new tricks? And then he blinks. "Unless..."

I glare at him. "Unless? Unless what? Of course I can read, you idiot." Good grief, I know the guy doesn't have a lot of faith in me, but give me _some_ credit.

He's got a weird look on his face. It's not shock, it's not surprise, and it's not even derogatory. It might be—sympathy? What the hell? 

"Are you dyslexic?" he asks.

What's he playin' at? I don't know what he's talkin' about but I do know I don't need Kaiba feeling sorry for me. I jump up, scattering my cards everywhere and making me curse. I turn my back to him as I pick them up. "What the hell are you on?"

Next thing I know he's on the floor _helping_ me. I'm so surprised I gape at him and drop the cards I'm already holding. "You are, aren't you?" he asks. Man, persistence is not always a virtue, sometime's it's just freakin' annoying. He insists on running his mouth some more. "That's why you had trouble reading on the bus. That's why you squint when you do read." I open my mouth to protest, and he gestures at the deck he's finished gathering. "I bet you don't even read the duel monsters cards. You just memorize the attack and defense points through practice and associate them with the pictures."

I...now that's just scary. So I just blink and stare at him again. "You—I—" I sputter. I can't figure out what I want to tell him off for first. "I can read! I'm not stupid!"

"I didn't say you were." He blinks and I'm speechless. "Not for that," he amends. I think flyin' pigs must be in the forecast tonight, because this has got to be the only time I've ever been glad to hear him call me stupid. "It's just a learning disability." 

A learning disability. Kaiba thinks I'm too dumb to learn on my own. Damn him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I do _not_ have a problem, okay?" I turn my back on his protests and walk towards the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower." I'm understanding why Kaiba uses that as an excuse so much. And also why he slams the door as hard as he does. Mine makes the mirror shake.

I turn the water on as hot as I can make it without burning myself. My scalp and skin protest as I scrub them. I shouldn't take it out on them, but—geez. If I try my hardest in school and still get the worst grades of all my friends it's my own damn fault, not because some amateur Freud thinks something's wrong with my brain. Kaiba's just lookin' for yet another way to feel superior to me. I'm rinsing my hair and trying to figure out the easiest way to use the showerhead as a murder weapon when...

The toilet flushes. Oh, shit—no pun intended.

I look around the shower curtain resignedly. Something tells me I didn't lock the door. And now, sure enough, the room is devoid of any towels or clothes. And to think, Kaiba didn't even have Yugi's help, he did this all on his own. I turn off the water and stand in the shower for a moment, dripping and staring at the wall in happy disbelief. 

This is the _nicest_ thing Kaiba has ever done for me.

No, really. It's so beautiful I could cry—though maybe that's just because I'm butt-naked without even a washcloth in the room. That's not Kaiba's style. Apparently he figures "I show you mine, you show me yours." But don't ya get it? He's treating me as an _equal_. He's sayin', "Look, mutt, I like ya enough that I'll stoop to your level to cheer you up when I accidentally hurt your feelings." I'm touched. I'm truly touched.

And also naked. Can't forget that. I sigh—might as well get this over with. I look in the mirror and practice my confident face. The glass is all steamy from the shower but I think it just makes me look scarier. 'Course anyone from Tristan to Kaiba would say the reflection's scarier when it's clear, but who are they to talk?

Anyway, I straighten my shoulders and walk out of the bathroom, my death glare already fixed in place. It falls ineffectively on his back—he's sitting at the table, facing away from me, typing on his laptop. Three stacks of print-outs and a neatly folded pile of towels are right next to him. My jeans and t-shirt are right behind it, perfectly folded as if they were on display in a department store. I swear. If we're gonna go diagnosing mental problems here I'm labeling Kaiba obsessive-compulsive.

I cross the room and hold out my hand. "Towel, please."

And he turns around.

I'm—just going to look at the ceiling now. It's one of those popcorn ones with all the little raised dots. Ya know, if ya connect the dots just right I can see the Red Eyes Black Dragon in there. And hey, there's Dark Magician, and Kuriboh, and—

—and I'm bein' a wimp. Okay. I take a deep breath and look him straight in the eye. His face is unreadable, but he doesn't meet my gaze for long. He just looks me up and down without sayin' a word. And then he...does it again! Man, I feel like I'm in a meat market. Any minute now he's going to reach out and start squeezing something—and considering what's out in the open, that is _not_ a good thought.

And...he's still staring. What, does he have to get it down to the last millimeter? _Finally_. He hands me a towel. I tuck it firmly around my waist and turn around to go finish my shower. I can hear him return to his laptop. We still haven't said anything. I get halfway across the room—

A snicker.

I knew it. "You little—" 

I spin on my heels and try to leap across the room but he's expecting me. He catches me off guard and grabs me around the waist, throwing me to the bed. Real subtle, Kaiba. But I roll with it, literally, and manage to fall into the floor space between our beds. He tackles me and I use my shoulder to knock him off. He staggers and then uses my bed to rebound, grabbing me by the arms, spinning me around and slammin' me back down on the bed. And now I've got a problem, because he's stronger than me and he's got me pinned. A second passes.

"Say uncle."

Riiiight. "Yours, monkey-boy?"

And then—oh, this is so not good, how did Kaiba know I was ticklish?! He uses one hand to pin both my wrists over my head and uses the other to tickle my side. I try not to laugh but it's a lost cause. I jerk involuntarily, twisting away from his hand, and Kaiba holds me down even more firmly.

"Say uncle!"

"Never!" 

I'm choking on my words and Kaiba's smirking. And now he's tickling my stomach and is lucky I don't knee him in the gut when I jump out of reflex. He responds by climbing on top of me so now my legs are pinned, too. Remember how I made him mad 'cause I said he liked bein' on the bottom? He's obviously tryin' to prove me wrong.

"Say it!"

"Stop that!" 

I sound ever so convincing, reduced as I am to quivering mass of laughter. He doesn't even have to hold my arms now, I'm laughing too hard to fight him off effectively. I swat at him with about as much ferocity as—well, a puppy. He uses both hands to tickle me which reduces me even more.

"Say it!" 

"Stop! I won't!"

His hands are on both sides of me. I try to curl in on myself, my head butting against his chest as I do, and he uses the weight of his body to stop me. I end up staring him in the face, so close that I could kiss him. But what surprises me are his eyes—they're twinkling more than I've ever seen before. The guy's actually havin' _fun_, and he's not even dueling or firing somebody.

"Say it!"

His hands are all over the place, he's practically straddling me, I'm hot and sweaty from the shower and the laughter and it's gettin' harder and harder to breathe—

_ Holy shit_. That's not the only thing gettin' hard.

I'm suddenly acutely aware of the fact that I lost my towel somewhere in the commotion and I'm lying naked underneath him. My sweat turns cold and it feels like my skin shrunk two sizes, I'm so tight. "Stop." My voice is weak at first but it grows to a shout. "Stop it. _Stop it!_ "

I regain my strength and shove him in the chest. His eyes widen, and when I push him again, he lets me. I scramble out from under him, hastily finding my towel on the floor.

"I..." he starts to say.

"Leave me alone." The towel is around my waist and I run into the bathroom. I remember to lock it this time, and then I sit on the lid of the toilet, head in my hands. My arms are shaking and my heart's still doin' the mariachi. Tell me this is not happening.

I got turned on by Seto Kaiba.

He's outside, knocking on the door. "Joey."

I have never heard that word come out of his mouth before. Doesn't even sound like me, sounds like some other guy with that name. Or something like that.

"Joey," he tries again. "I didn't..."

"Leave me alone!" I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to hear about it, I don't even want to _think_ about it. But Kaiba's still out there jingling the doorknob and tryin' to get me to open up. In more ways than one. I hit myself for the thought.

"But I..."

_ "LEAVE!"_

There's silence, and then—_"FINE!"_

And then he's gone. But for some reason it's not satisfying when I hear him stomp angrily away and then slam the door. I'm left alone with my thoughts, but why do I get the feelin' that may be even worse than if he'd stayed.

**TBC...**

___________________________________________

_Review Responses (for reviews posted between 1/5/04 and 1/28/04):_

Ceresi: *proceeds to drag Kaiba back by his heels* There you go, he's back! Okay, this is totally random, but want to know something weird? I am no longer sure where I met you. O.o I was positive I saw your LJ as a friend of a friend...and I didn't. *cue twilight zone music* Oh well, it was a good meeting, at least... ^^

BarbedWire23: Thanks for the review and the news years well-wishing, and a belated happy new year to you too! ^^

Sheron: You proposed marriage? And just to the story? *sighs* (I'm surprised Yami wasn't part of the package deal. That's all I was thinking of, of course. :p) Sorry ff.net cut of your review--it was the "" part of the heart. And you're welcome for the underwear line, as it was your request. ^_~

number13: Thanks!

Ambivalence: Thanks for the compliments! And nice to hear my humor is something other than 'neurotic.' Not that it's not applicable... ^_^;

Selena Style: *blushes* The best? I'm flattered, though I'm not sure I should accept the compliment, as I haven't read a lot of S/Js myself. I do appreciate it though! And yeah, Joey does like his porn, I got that from the manga. *lol* I'll see what I can do about the Serenity reference...maybe Day Six or in the epilogue? They'll be something in there...

Tuulikki: Yami, king of snow angels? *snickers* Reminds me of a comic I read this week, where a middle-aged woman saw her husband laying out in the snow, and she ran out, panicked, thinking he'd had a heart attack, when he was just making a snow angel...uh, anyway, random much? Anyway. Glad you think the chapters build, that's always a relief. The whole underwear scene was actually thrown in as a favor to Sher. I think I'm helpless when it comes to requests. *facepalms* Btw, glad you got an LJ, and I am so stealing your "~" thing to separate my paragraphs now that ff.net is not doing paragraph breaks...good idea! ^^

Spruceton Spook: *psst* Don't look now, kad, it's a naked coat rack! Mwahaha! You know I will harass you with that for years now. Years. :) But yes, Yami's having a blast. I don't think he gets to have a lot of "fun" on the show. He usually has someone's life or mind resting on the outcome of the duel. Not a big stress-reliever. Anyway--best and only Joey/Kaiba fic you've ever read? Geez, kad, thanks a lot--and feel free to interpret that as you will. LOL ^_~

Pachelbel: I have a problem...I don't think the lines you quoted showed up. :( It may have something to do with the brackets, ff.net doesn't like the ones that are used for HTML tags, in spite of the fact that it won't accept HTML in reviews... *thwacks site* Anyway. Most of them I could guess the context anyway. Heh, you think I have a knack for finding the little details on the show? If that's true, I got it from you and the YYD story. I still haven't gotten over "hoop skirt, circa 1800s!" I think that will go down as my favorite YGO line ever. *lol* As for Joey getting chased by the grooming machine...that came from personal experience. Okay, so my driver just gave me a funny look instead of aiming for me when I was too klutzy to get out of the way, but...yeah. It was me. As was skiing over the mogul on my butt... -_-;  
Fanarts? Whee! Sure, if you have the time and desire, go right ahead! And as for the Great Underwear Debate--well, you've already seen my answer... *g*

Icy Flame: Long review, thanks! :D Let's see...yup, now Joey is at least coping with Duke, though I think jealousy is just in his nature. *g* And Yugi's supposedly napping whenever Yami's taken over, though I have my suspicions he doesn't take control right when he wakes up but likes to eavesdrop on lots of people. Hey, I would... *g* Bakura...well, actually, Day Five tells, but boy did I need you as my muse when I was trying to plot this story. Sending random skiers to the shadow realm? LOL Not to mention Seto picking the lock. Yes, I can totally see him doing that. As for Yugi/Yami's underwear...I think it depends on who's in control that day. Not that I've thought about it all that much... *whistles innocently*

Riah-chan: I visited Kyokou Geemu Forums on your rec, and it was actually responsible for my finding a new favorite story. I haven't done anything more than lurk yet, but the site does look interesting, so thank you! And I laughed at your PDA story, as I can sympathize to an extent--not that I have a husband, but I do read most of my fanfiction at night and have to stop myself from laughing sometimes so I don't wake up my family.   
Actually, I'm not sure if Joey slept in the bathroom or not that night. (Way to know my own story, huh?) I think he probably stayed in there a long time at least. He definitely set his relationship with Kaiba back a bit, though. Kaiba's not the type to forgive and forget. And glad you liked Duke's snow suit description.--that was a last-minute addition. *g*

An obsessed fan...: Aw, sugar is good, it's what you do when you're on the sugar that can cause the problems. *lol* But I'm glad you like the story, and obsessions are always good... *g*

Random Reader: Thanks, glad you think the build-up is working! I prefer it when K/J just "happens" as opposed to them having a secret crush on each other--well, at least on Joey's part. Hmm...that may or may not be a spoiler. I like ambiguity. *g* And glad you liked the snowball fight, especially Kaiba's master plan--I was hoping someone would catch that, if that isn't too presumptuous of me... :)

Georgia: The German fandom has a lot of skiing fanfics? Interesting, I wonder why... There are several in the English fandom as well that I found after I started writing this. Mine was originally going to be set at an out-of-town Duel Monsters tournament, but that would have required me writing duels, which is not happening. *sheepish* And I know, I doubt either Seto or Joey would ever be sappy, I just don't think that's their character. Glad you liked the fic! ^^

Dragoness Kaei: You know, now that you mention it, Kaiba doesn't have chest hair as the high priest. Then again I don't think many animated characters do. Though he and Yami both definitely do have great abs... *whistles innocently* Actually I think I'm jealous of Joey. We get to see Kaiba. Joey gets to see Kaiba naked... *g*

lil_blondie: *lol* Err, can't say I'm a fan of Snarry (Harry/Snape), but glad you like Joey/Seto. Even if, yeah, it is a little twisted... ^O^

ideseth: You think Kaiba has geeky looks? Notice that out of all that introspection, that's the first thing I comment on. *lol* I like the way he looks better in Battle City myself--the whole "drab green coat" was just a bit self-insert. But on to the serious stuff. i. ^^ yay! I made you feel for Kaiba! My tend to sympathize with him more after reading a fanfic that doesn't caricature his character myself, and it's nice to be that fanfic for somebody. Yeah, Joey's pretty thoughtless at the end, but I have a soft spot for him anyway. *pauses* ...Did it really bring tears to your eyes?  
         NEway--hope Joey's abandonment in the next chapter doesn't qualify as ignoring his friends because of the Thing with Seto. I thought of that when I read your review. ^^; And anyway, there's your Bakura, hope you enjoy! ^_~

Hella: Heh. Actually, I know entirely how it feels to "get off your ass and review again." So it is an honor that my fic was the initiator. ^^ Oh, and I adore "Being Dead Ain't Easy," though you may have guessed that already by the fact that I got permission to reference it. Thanks for thinking this story is even in the same league! ^^

Silversky-x22: Thanks, I appreciate it! Yup, Day Four was definitely a turning point for Joey--I'm not sure if Day Five resolves the problem or makes it worse. ^^; As for why Joey can read porn and get excited over Kaiba at the same time--he's actually trying to figure that out himself. *g* It could have been because he was just in a very awkward position, or it could have been more, depending on how you read it...

Hush Puppie: I wondered if any reviewers would know someone who is dyslexic. I hope I can do justice to the issue. And I don't thinking liking tickle scenes makes you a pervert--I like them to. *pauses* Of course, judging by the story, that's not saying much... ^^;

QueenAllie: Thanks! I'd love to eventually write a novel, so that was a nice comment. Also glad you think the detail is "just right"--I had issues with that in creative writing. *sigh* And I liked the "merging our assets" line too, so thanks for quoting it. *g*

Joey and Seto are the best couple ever!!!: Hi! Um...did you review under the same name? *scratches head in confusion* Anyway, thanks for the review, and I laughed at your "puppy dog eyes." Did you intend the pun? ^_~

" ", or, Person-Without-A-Name: Thanks for the review! And I think you're right that Jounouchi would recognize Chinese; Japanese and Chinese share a lot of kanji (though some have different meanings). Since I'm going with the dub names, though, I used English as his first language. Just a personal preference.

Faia Ookami: Glad you're not mad. ^_~ And I'm not either, just glad you still like the fic! And pleased I could oblige you with the "I show you mine..." saying. *lol*

Choas Babe: Exactly--poor Joey--and I'd say he'd have a tough time talking about it, except I think Kaiba actually knows, which is probably more cause for sympathy on Joey's part... ^^; But thanks for reading!

malfoysbadassgal378: *lol* at your pen name. Thanks, and I'll try to live up to the "baby dragon" joke. ^O^


	6. Day Five

Author's Note: Rating is PG-13 for sexual situations and humor and mild language (more so in this chapter, considering the circumstances).

Review responses are at the end of Day Four (ch. 5)—and speaking of, credit for the idea of Yami Bakura sending the snow to the Shadow Realm goes to Icy Flame, a reviewer who could probably write the story for me.  *lol*  Icy, your ideas are a trip.  Thanks for all your comments.  Credit also needs to go to Spruceton Spook, without whose help this chapter would have never been possible (and that's not an exaggeration).  Spook, you're awesome with your movie knowledge.  *g*  Which leads me to say...there is a movie allusion/parody in here, and everyone who's seen it will probably recognize it right offhand, but I'll leave it uncredited until the next chapter in case anyone wants to guess.  And finally—Kaiba's line that begins "You're so stupid..." comes from the fansubs, and by implication, the original series.  

Disclaimer:  I could have been a dub writer, but they said my humor was too 'adult'.  Really.  Okay, just pretend with me.  Anyway, _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

___________________________________________

**One Week - Day Five**

         Seto didn't come home last night.

         'Course this isn't home, this is the hotel. Maybe that's the problem, maybe he did go home. Hopped the midnight train all the way back to Domino. Can't say I blame him, after I so brutally rebuffed his advances yesterday.

         What am I sayin'? He didn't make a move on me. It's my fault I got turned on. He didn't mean it, at least I don't think he did. I don't know if he even noticed, though you'd think it'd be kinda obvious. That was not puppy's wet nose poking his tummy last night. Nope, that was me standin' at attention and lyin' flat on my back all at the same time. Apparently I'm multi-talented that way.

         Anyway, he's not back by the time I leave for breakfast this morning. Nothing I can do about it now, so I push it to the back of my mind and then grab one of the lodge brochures before going out the door. Maybe Yami and me will try one of the other ski slopes today. I stare at the pamphlet before putting it in my pocket. I'd just like to point out that I _can_ read it, thank you very much. Of course, I don't think the lodge intended to write those captions as anagrams, either. I sigh. And then I grab my key and walk out the door. 

         When I turn the hall corner I run straight into Yugi. Or rather he runs straight into me, as in, literally running. He looks slightly frantic and I realize that it's regular Yugi today. That's odd—I've gotten used to him napping in the morning, what with Yami keepin' him up all night. No, that's not quite what I meant. It's just that lately Yugi hasn't been sleepin' much after going to bed thanks to Yami. Hold it, I didn't mean that either. It's just that when the lights go out Yami's got Yugi's body all to himself. Ya know, it's _impossible_ to talk about this.

         "Joey!" Yugi skids into me and I catch him before he knocks us both over. He gives me a grateful smile as he untangles himself from my arms, and I notice his face is all flushed. "I'm glad you're here. I need your help."

         Yugi looks extremely awkward. Weird. I've gotten so used to Yami's preternatural confidence that it catches me off-guard. "What's up?" 

         He's dancing around like he has a live snake in his pants—though if that were the case, don't know why he'd need _my_ help gettin' rid of it—ugh, I don't need any more reminders. 

         "I have a problem," he says.

         What a coincidence, me too. Doubt his is the same as mine. More than likely it's—"No one's pickin' on ya, are they?" I give him a _look_ so that he knows if the answer is 'yes' the perpetrator will be getting a one-way trip off the highest ski lift. Unless the perpetrator is Yami Bakura, and then—I'll tell Yami. Yeah, that's it.

         "No!" Yugi assures me. And then pauses. "Actually, it's just me...that is, my other self..." 

         And then he stops, at loss for words, and I wonder if I should prompt an 'I'. Yugi's all nervous and embarrassed and staring at the ceiling instead of me. I'm reminded of what I must have looked like last night after me and Kaiba's extra special bonding activity. 

         —Waitasecond—if me and Kaiba were acting like that because—and now Yugi's all embarrassed because—ya don't think—? Nah—Yugi and Bakura? But then again—

         I clear my throat, wishing I could get rid of the disturbing mental images as easily. "Um, Yugi, where's Bakura?" 

         And now Yugi's face is all red. _No way._ "That's sorta what I had to talk to you about," he stammers. "The thing is..." He trails off again.

         Okay, gotta calm down. Of all people, _I_ should know better than to overreact to what he's fixin' to tell me. I smile and hope it looks encouraging instead of like I fainted in place. It could be worse, right? Bakura's a nice guy, and who knows? Maybe their relationship will be the thing that finally makes their Yamis get along with each other. Like Romeo and Juliet, 'cept hopefully Yug and Bakura won't have to die at the end. Anyway, it's not like he's gonna tell me that he's gettin' it on with Kaiba.

         No, that would be me. Trying to ignore that thought, I say, "Listen, Yug. Ya don't need to worry about tellin' me anything. I'm not gonna judge you for it, okay? I'm just here to help."

         He looks surprised and then relieved. "Thanks, Joey, I appreciate that," he says sincerely. "Because...I...Bakura..." 

         I steel myself for his next words. Remember, Joey, love is love. Ya can't help who ya fall in love with. When Cupid's arrow strikes, no use fighting it—unless, of course, it lands on Kaiba, and then ya impale Cupid on his own damn arrows and run like hell...

         But Yugi's taking a deep breath. His next words come out in a rush. 

_         "I think Yami sent Bakura to the Shadow Realm last night."_

         "Now, that's nothing to be ashamed of..." He did what? I recover. Well, that's more like it. "Oh, is that all?" Yugi looks perfectly astonished, and I hasten to correct myself. "I mean...nevermind what I mean. Why would ya think that?"

         "Because I never saw him last night or this morning. He's never been gone _this_ long before." Yugi bites his lip in worry. Me, I'm thinkin' maybe Kaiba and Yami Bakura met up with each other last night. Took their anger or sexual frustration or psychotic egomania (and that's just Kaiba) out in a duel. But if that were the case, then they were probably playin' a shadow game, and it's me who should be worried for Kaiba. If, ya know, I actually cared about his well-being. Which I don't. I just wanna make sure he's okay, that's all. 

         Yeah, yeah, shut up. "Don't Yami and Bakura usually duel?" I ask. "Maybe Yami's seen him."

         "That's the thing." Yugi hesitates, tilting his head as if listening, and then continuing after a moment. "I asked him about that, and...well, he's not speaking to me right now." 

         "What?" Ya know it's bad when not even the voices in your head will talk to ya.

         "I mean, he talked to me this morning," Yugi explains, "But when I asked him about the duel he just got mad and said he was tired and would I mind skiing today? And he never answered my question."

         That's weird. Almost sounds like Yami's sulking, which would mean he—_lost_. But then again, Yugi said he talked to him, and he wouldn't be here if he hadn't won, would he? I mean, that's the whole reason Yugi's worried about Bakura.

         Except—that doesn't make a lot of sense. They've been duelin' all week. I let it pass for the moment and ask Yugi, "Well, what did ya want me to do about it?"

         "Would you help me look for Bakura?" Translation: Would you help me look for a guy who's part-student, part-cannibal, Joey? I'm looking to _eat_ food, not _be_ food.

         "After breakfast?" My stumble grumbles in agreement.

         "But Joey..." he pleads.

         "Look, Yugi." I try to reason with him. "Do ya really think Yami would send Bakura to the Shadow Realm? Not _his_ Yami, but Bakura. Would Yami do that?"

         Yugi hesitates but doesn't answer, looking faintly guilty instead. Aha.  It only takes of few more seconds of my innocently puzzled face that he caves in.

         "No, I don't think so," he admits, "It's just that—Joey, he's not talking to me, and Bakura's missing, and I'm worried!  It's not that I think Yami would do that, but...I didn't think you'd help otherwise."  He has the grace to look ashamed for assuming I wouldn't be concerned.

         'Course—I'm not.  I pat him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it! Bakura probably just had something important to do last night, like, I dunno, move a body or somethin'."

         Yugi looks alarmed at the prospect. Come to think of it, that's not so improbable when one of the personalities we're dealing with is Yami Bakura's, but in the end Yugi just sighs. And then he turns to me and—geez. He acts like I've stopped him from visiting Santa, which is just a bit confused. Bakura and Santa may have the same color hair, but that's about the only thing they have in common. Santa lives at the North Pole, Bakura is bipolar. Big difference.

         But Yugi's still lookin' at me, and I swear, it's like he can make himself look younger on command. His face is softer and fuller, his eyelashes frame large pupils—even his hair's drooping. How does he do that? But really, there's only one response I can give him.

         I roll my eyes. "Alright, alright, I'll help ya. But I'm picking up some toast on the way out."

         His mood change is instantaneous. "Thanks, Joey!" And now he's looking at me like _I'm_ Santa. What can I say. I went from pushing him around to being a pushover. Can't complain too much, though. I kinda like being an object of adoration. 

         We pick up two stacks of toast and Téa inside the dining hall, as she insists on following us when Yugi drags me outside, though can't say I blame her. It's either us or Tristan and Duke, and while my antagonism toward the diced one may have faded slightly, it still gets annoying listening to the two of them talk. They're like the cutesy school couple, except instead of sentences, they finish each other's dirty jokes. 

         We pass by their table to say hello and goodbye, me scanning the room at the same time in an attempt to spot a familiar brown-haired mop. But I don't find him—apparently he and his laptop have eloped. I'm sure they'll be very happy together. I sigh to myself, and then am reminded of our present dilemma by the fact that Yugi's practically adhered himself to my arm and is dragging me out the door.

         Once we're outside, Téa and I turn to Yugi to tell us what to do. "The other day I saw Bakura walk off that way," he says, pointing off the path. It's all trees over there. "Maybe we should try there first."

         "Okay. Oh, good, Joey brought a map," Téa says to me and pulls the hotel brochure out of my pocket. Meanwhile I stare suspiciously in the direction we're supposed to go in. Woods, three kids and a map—dude, I've seen this movie.

         "Uh-uh." I shake my head. "Bad idea. That's all I need, to get lost in the woods with a guy with shadow powers on the loose."

         Téa punches me, and I scowl as I rub my arm. The girl could give me or Tristan a run for our money when she gets in one of those moods of hers. I betcha it's that time of the month, but I find it prudent not to ask. Otherwise she'll be hitting me a lot harder, and more painfully, _lower_.

         "Don't be such a baby," she scolds. "Here, you carry the map." 

         Right, so I can be the one they blame when we lose it. I shove it back to her. "I don't think so."

         She rolls her eyes and huffs at me. "Fine! Yugi, since it looks like you're the only _man_ here, you lead the way."

         It looks like Yugi grows a foot, but Yami hasn't taken over, Yugi's just thrilled Téa called him a man. "Sure thing!" he says and takes off. I have to jog to keep up with him, and I have longer legs.

         We're only like fifty feet into the woods and it already seems darker and colder. Makes me think this place is haunted. That can't be good for business. I shiver and nudge closer to Téa. "It's cold in here," I say pointedly.

         "So?" she asks.

         "Doesn't the temperature in an area drop when there's a ghost around?"

         She loses it. "Joey, we're at a ski resort! Would you quit your yammering and just shut—" 

         "Look!" Yugi interrupts us. "Footprints!"

         And so they are. Apparently Yugi's perpetual good luck lead us right to the path we're lookin' for. That, or it's hunting season. So now we're tracking a guy who's either looking to seal our souls in the darkness or who shoots first and asks questions later. Somehow I'm not thrilled with either option.

         My foreboding grows the more we follow the footprints. They meander for what feels like miles before leading into a clearing that's been unnaturally cleared of snow. It's a perfect circle with sheered sides of snow, and there are neat little rock piles around the circumference. Yugi extends a cautious toe inside, and when he doesn't automatically get zapped by a bolt of lightning, we figure it's safe to step inside. I'm walking around, inspecting things, when I manage to walk straight into Téa's back. But it's not my fault—she just went and stopped right in front of me. "What are ya doin'?" I ask her.

         She doesn't exactly answer me. "Um, guys...what's that?" Great, just great. Miss Smarty-Pants doesn't sound so brave anymore. She points warily at the trees farthest from us, and is that static cling, or is her hair stickin' out in shock? We approach, and then freak out. Someone's gone and hung a bunch of stick figures from the lowest branches. Time to get out of here.

         "Is it some sort of ritual?" Yugi asks nervously, and he reaches out and pulls one of the stick men down from the branches.

         "Don't touch it, it may be cursed!" My warning comes too late. He's already picked one up and as he's holding it we all realize at the same time that the creator has cleverly used a buncha pine needles to give the stick man a hairdo. A hairdo with three very prominent spikes.

         Téa says what we're all thinkin'. "Yugi, that voodoo doll has your hair!"

         And then it's not Yugi anymore, it's Yami staring at the figure with a grave expression on his face. I return Téa's earlier favor and punch her in the arm. "Now look what ya did, ya made Yami come out," I scold her. "You know he only comes out when we're duelin' or about to die, and since I don't see any duel monsters..."

         "Shut up," she snaps at me. "Besides, he's been here all week."

         "I'm here now," Yami says, which is probably his way of telling us to stop talkin' about him like he isn't. I sorta have to wonder why he's here, anyway. It's not that I don't dig the protective vibe, as Yami's the only one more possessive of Yugi than me an' Tristan—no pun intended—but how's it better for Yami to get Yugi's body shot than Yugi?

         He's not lookin' at us, just glancing around the woods thoughtfully and absentmindedly cradling the stick man to his chest like a doll. "The footprints lead out that side of the clearing. I suggest we keep going."

         Does he have a death wish? 'Course, he don't have to worry about losing his life 'cause he's already dead. Ya know what I think? I think he's just getting tired of bein' the only friendly spirit around here and this is all a conspiracy to get some company. Those so-called duels with Yami Bakura? They weren't duelin', they were schemin', and here we are walking right into their trap. Forget what I said earlier about those two needing to get along with each other better. More like they need a chaperone.

         "I suggest we not and say we did," I say. "C'mon, wherever Bakura went, he's probably already back at the lodge by now. We just have to figure our way back. Téa, where are we anyway?"

         "Uh..." Téa's staring at her empty hands in surprise. Oh, no. I am _not_ believin' this.

         "You lost the map! You told me I was bein' stupid and Miss Brainchild lost the map!"

         "We can find our way out by following our footprints," Yami says mildly. Ya know, he has a point. These things do work in reverse. "But let's see where these others lead first."

         Yami may be content to follow the anonymous footprints, but I'd still feel better with a back-up plan. I have a couple pieces of toast left and I take them out of my pocket, dropping bread crumbs as we go. Hey, it worked in the fairy tale—oh yeah, it didn't. Come to think of it, it led them to a witch's house. Not our intended aim. I stop dropping bread crumbs.

         So we traipse through the woods some more, Yami tracking the footprints like a hound dog. They weave through the trees haphazardly and sometimes go in circles as if the person makin' them knew he might be followed and wanted to throw us off. And then they go in more circles. And then they go in more circles—we come back to the clearing.

         We look around. "Now what?" I ask.

         "Another trail of footprints!" Yami says, pointing.

         Téa and I just look at each other. And sigh. And then we go in circles. And then we go in more circles...

         And finally, as if to reward us for comin' so far, we find a path that's been completely cleared of snow for us. We follow it all the way up to a small wooden house in the woods. But even Téa's voicing second thoughts now. "You know, we really shouldn't trespass," she says.

         "It doesn't look like it has any occupants," Yami says curiously.

         I nudge Téa in the arm. "Ya gotta remember, Yami's not up on modern day cinematography," I tell her, and then speak directly to Yami. "Yami, my man, first rule of horror films. Ya never enter an abandoned house in the middle of the woods. Not in the morning, not in the evening, not in the afternoon. It'll always be housing a ghost, or if you're lucky, just an axe murderer."

         Téa punches me again. "That's not funny, Joey." She's shiverin', but I don't think it's just from the cold. I'd feel sorry for her if my arm weren't so sore. Instead I rub my shoulder crossly—I'm gonna be lucky if it ain't one big bruise by the time this is over.

         Yami's got his _I-have-more-shadow-powers-than-you_ look on his face. "Fine, if you two are so worried, I'll go in first," he says, and without further ado walks up to the door and pushes it open. Téa and I both freak. Axe murderer or no, Yami's our friend, and we can't let him do this alone. We run to catch up.

         "Ladies first," I try to tell Téa on the threshold, but when I have to sidestep another punch I hesitantly enter the room myself. It's only late morning, but the windows are facing west so we're not gettin' much sunlight on this end of the room. The air is musty , the floor is creaking, and the walls are filthy and covered with—

         "Yami, I don't care what time period you're from, a bloody handprint is never a good sign!" I give him a frantic look. His forehead is creased as he stares first at the handprint, and then at the footprints clearly outlined in the dust on the floor. He cautiously follows them over to the entrance of the hall. Téa and I tiptoe behind him, both of us trying to shrink and use him for protection. To his credit, he's not making any irrational and impulsive decisions yet...

         The basement door creaks open on its own. Oh, no. Oh, _no_...

         Oh, yes. And there he goes. Through the door, down the steps. I suppose a guy who's been facing droolin' and decayin' shadow monsters for the past four nights doesn't give a second thought to the possible disembowelment waiting below, but I kinda like my intestines just where they are. And Téa's behind me and gripping my shoulder like she's tryin' to dislocate it. I grit my teeth against the pain and then follow Yami, moving slower than normal due to the need to drag her after me.

         There's not a lot of light down here— I can _just_ make out Yami's form at the bottom of the steps. I reach out to grab him by the jacket. "Hey, Yami, can we go back now..." The figure turns.

         It ain't Yami.

         "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" 

         I scream bloody murder and suddenly start praying to every higher power known to man. I'm not picky, I'd take a miracle from any of them. Oh gods, if I get out of here alive I'll floss my teeth every day, I'll do my homework, I'll—I'll start bein' nice to Kaiba without provocation. I'm _that_ scared. 

         The thing's screaming back at me. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

         What, that ain't enough? Do I have to offer a human sacrifice or something? Okay, take Téa! I don't wanna die—

         I pause in my panicked supplication. The thing's scream sounds really funny now, more like an "Ahaaaaahaaaaahaaaaahaaaaa..." It's taking deep gulping breaths and its terror has turned into laughter. And then it starts speakin' in a normal voice. With a British accent. 

         "Oh my. You guys really scared me."

         A light clicks on. Yami's found the light switch, and we're face to face with Bakura. _Normal_ Bakura. I hit my forehead. I knew my promise to be nice to Kaiba was too rash, even disregarding the events of this week. I wonder if the gods will hold me to it.

         "Bakura? What are you doing here?" Téa asks. "We've been looking all over for you. Yugi was worried!"

         "Sorry about that," he says sheepishly.

         "It's all right." Yugi smiles at him—with the danger out of the way, Yami don't have to act like a mother hen any more and he's gone back in the puzzle. "But what are you doing here?"

         "And why'd ya have to do it in the dark?" My glare is not as benevolent as Yugi's. Thanks to him I've been tricked into being nice to Kaiba, and after last night, that's a heck of a lot more complicated than it was before.

         "I heard voices—I didn't recognize you all—and I turned the light off so people wouldn't think I was trespassing," he explains. "And as for why I'm here. It's just that..." he shrugs and gestures to the far left corner. "They have no one else to look after them."

         We all follow his movement. The basement's pretty shabby and dirty, with broken boxes and stuff lyin' around. But then I notice a box over in the corner that's still got all its sides, and even though it's got cracks, they've been stuffed with some fairly new rags. We walk closer to look inside and—I'm not believin' this. I'm really not believin' this. I knew the guy was a bit of a pansy, but— 

         "Bunnies?" I ask in disbelief. "We risked our necks tryin' to find you for _bunnies_?"

         Téa and Yugi are peering over the side and leaning down to pet them. Bakura shrugs again, holding his hands out to his side in an _I-can't-help-it_ manner. "They're orphans. I don't know what happened to their mother..."

         He should ask his Yami, and best not go lookin' in any nearby cooking pots, either. But Bakura doesn't like being reminded of his other self's violent tendencies, and so I just shake my head. And Yugi's apparently unconcerned about the origin of the bunnies as he's reaching down into the box right now.

         "Look, Joey!" he says brightly. "Aren't they cute?" Oh, no. Yugi, put the bunny down. Put the bunny _down_, Yugi. Yugi! _Put the bunny down_—

         Oh geez, it's instant diabetes. I hit my forehead again as he gives me a curious look, holding a white ball of fluff right next to his face. I now know the only thing more effective on me than Soft and Wobbly Eyes. And that's Soft and Wobbly Eyes holding Soft and Fluffy Thing.

         I turn back to Bakura. "How did you even find this place?" I ask.

         He hedges a bit. "Well, I didn't really find it..."

         "Then who did?" I ask, and Téa gives me a loud _ahem_. She nods her head toward Bakura's chest, which is kinda weird until I see the outline of the ring under his shirt—_oh_. So that's what all the occultic stuff we came across was. But Bakura looks uncomfortable, so I try to lighten the mood. "What happened to all the snow? Your Yami send it to the Shadow Realm or somethin'?"

         He looks at me in surprise. "How'd you know?"

         Forget I asked.

         Yugi's better at creating a diversion than I am. "Bakura, what are you going to do with the bunnies at the end of the week? We're leaving in just a couple days." He's still holding one, and aw, how cute. Their little noses are twitching in unison. I'm calling him 'bunny' from now on.

         The question doesn't do much to comfort Bakura. "I really don't know," he says. "I thought about trying to smuggle them on the bus. But they're so young, the trip may be hard for them, and I don't want to get in trouble..."

         "You could tell a teacher," Téa suggests. Figures she'd say that. Téa's guide to life: When in doubt, ask a teacher.

         "Yeah, the Biology II class is just about to start dissections," I offer, and get rewarded for that statement by a shocked expression from both Yugi and Bakura. They chime in together.

_         "Joey!"_

         "I mean, uh," I amend hastily, "Why don't ya—talk to Ms. Freak? Get her to let ya take them home as an experiment of sorts. 'But Ms. Freak, it'll teach us compassion and sensitivity, two things not normally said in the same sentence with adolescent boys. It's good counterprogramming to society's stereotype of teenagers,'" I mimic. Dude, why am I a student? _I_ could be the guidance counselor. Get paid more too.

         Everyone looks surprised. "I didn't think of her..." Téa says thoughtfully. "That just might work."

         I clap my hands. "So what are we waiting for? Let's go find her right now." It occurs to me that I am _volunteering_ to talk to Ms. Freak. As in, without the threat of detention looming over me. Man, those bunnies really know how to affect a guy.

         "You can go, I'll stay here," Bakura offers. "They're about ready for their next bottle." And he promptly pulls a baby bottle out of his shirt. When I give him a look he explains, "The body heat keeps it warm."

         Riiiiiight. And I suppose he keeps the Millennium Ring under his shirt because his Yami likes the body heat, too. Oh, man, I did _not_ need those implications. I grimace and then motion to Téa and Yugi. "Well, let's head back. It'll take us awhile to get out of the woods," I remind them. 

         "Oh, you're not that far away from the lodge," Bakura says. "Just go out the back door and walk straight. You'll be back in five minutes."

         We all stare at him. "Then why all the crazy loop-de-loops on the way in?" I ask. He just points to his chest. Right. Ignoring that. "Okay, well, hang tight. We'll be back before you know it." 

         And we all trek upstairs, ignore the bloody handprint on the wall, and walk out the back door. And Bakura's right. Within no time we're back on the main path at the ski resort. We decide to try to look in the lodge first, but when we get there, someone's opening the door to come out just as we get there to go in. Take a wild guess who. I'll give ya a hint—it is a freak, but not a Ms.

         "Oh, it's you." I groan, making Kaiba glare at me. Like I haven't already gone through enough today, and it's not even noon. It's bad enough having to face him again after—um, everything that happened, but in front of an audience? Surely as awkward as it is, he has the sense not to bring it up in public. Surely he'll wait until we can talk in private, since the subject's a private of another sort. Unless, of course, he wants to mortally embarrass me, in which case...

         I'm doomed.

         But he's not even lookin' at me anymore. "Yugi," he says. His voice is stiff. "Are you ready for our competition?"

         "But that isn't until tomorrow..." Téa starts to say.

         "Is your name Yugi?" Kaiba cuts her off. Yugi glares at him for that. Now he's gone and done it. Yugi's gotta protect her honor.

         "No, her name is Téa, and say it with respect," he growls. Ah. There's Yami again, but I bet Yugi told him to say that.

         Kaiba doesn't answer right away. Now he looks at me again, his eyes narrowed. I hear a soft _hm_ under his breath—anger, with a hint of malice. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. Not only is this awkward, it's weird to see him take my slight so personally. He's still lookin' at me when he starts to speak.

         "I only respect those better than me."

         Out of the corner of my eye I see a pissed off Yami trying to advance on Kaiba and Téa restraining him. It's just as well—harsh words are much less intimidating when they aren't face to face but face to belt. And anyway, it ain't Téa that Kaiba's insulting, that much is clear by the staring match he and I having. I try to speak but Kaiba beats me to it, breaking his gaze with me and returning it to Yami.

         "You haven't answered my question," he says. "Are you ready?"

         "I'm always ready." Yami's growling again, still annoyed that he was foiled in his attempt to tell off Kaiba's belt buckle. "Are you?"

         "I challenge you to a race on the beginner's slope. Now." 

         I can tell by the way Téa and Yami and I all look at each other in the same instant that we've all three remembered we're supposed to be helpin' Bakura. But if Yami backs down he'll never hear the end of it from Kaiba. I know how Yami will answer and he's opening his mouth to say "friends come first" when Téa jumps in.

         "It's okay, I'll go find Ms. Freak," she volunteers. "Joey, you cheer Yugi on."

         "Hm." Feigned indifference masking resentment. Kaiba gives me a sideways glance before returning his gaze to Yami. "The mutt may need cue cards for that. _If_ he could even read them."

         Okay, now that was below the belt. Again. But—weird thing is, I'm not as mad as I expected to be. More like he's just had his feelings hurt, which means he's actually acting _human_ for once.  I check the sky to make sure it ain't fallin'.  When it's still in one piece, I just don't dignify the remark with an answer.  We all grab our ski equipment from inside the door—I'm not gonna let them hold a race by themselves, whether they know it or not—and say good-bye to Téa. We're silent as we walk over to stand in line. I have to stand between Yami and Kaiba. Not sure how they figure I'm qualified to be the peacekeeper, but there ya go.

         I sneak a glance at Kaiba. He's wearing sunglasses and sun block but I can see by the set line of his jaw how angry he still is. And I have to admit, I feel a twinge of guilt at my behavior. As freaked out as I was last night, he didn't make fun of me then. _That_ didn't happen until I screwed up and hurt his pride. Not that it wouldn't hurt him to be taken down a notch or two, but still. He could've made me feel bad but didn't.

         Come to think of it—was he actually trying to apologize to me? Doubt I'll ever hear the words _I'm sorry_ coming from his lips, the aftertaste might kill him, but I wonder what he would have said if I hadn't driven him away. After all, he did start to tell me that he didn't mean—I stop and think about his words. What? What didn't he mean? To turn me on? Or to scare me when he did? 

         I jump when he pulls a stopwatch out of his pocket and tosses it at me, reminding me that we're standin' on the ski slope, not inside the hotel room. "Make yourself useful, mutt." His rude tone tells me that he's obviously not having the same benevolent introspection as I am. "Time us going down the hill. That is, if you can tell time. You don't even have to look at the face, just press the little buttons. They're color-coded, or are you colorblind too?"

         "I can _read_ the face just fine." My snipe is automatic, but I'm still curious at the way he's actin'. He just _hm_s at me. I'm not sure what that one means. He's either still resentful—or constipated. I ponder this. I _did_ take the bathroom all night....

         We near the front of the line, and I examine the stupid stop watch. I won't need it if I'm gonna be racing with them. I wonder what Kaiba'd do if I 'accidentally' dropped it off the ski lift. I probably shouldn't, I bet it cost him a hundred dollars or something. Rich people always spend way too much money on everything from stop watches to toilet paper. 

         I look away, wondering what excuse I'm gonna give Kaiba for following him up the ski slope, and see people walkin' down the path toward some of the more advanced courses. I look at the stopwatch. I look at Kaiba. I look down the path again. 

         And I get an idea.

         "So, you guys have fun!" I wave cheerfully at them as Kaiba and Yami board the ski lift together, crossing my fingers that both of them are still safely in their seats by the time they get to the top of the hill. Both of them look at me suspiciously for my sudden charity, and I realize that neither of _them_ expected me to stay quietly, either. Am I that obvious? Ah well. "Good luck, Yug!"

         Yami doesn't say anything, just looks back at me with a sorta helpless concern—I think he's on to me, but he's already on the lift and heading up the hill. He shouldn't worry. I'll be sure to tell him what's goin' on after lunch. If I survive.

         I wait until they get to a blind spot on the lift and then I hightail it out of there. I feel guilty abandoning Yami in his race, but he'll do fine, and this is my only chance to prove myself to Kaiba. He said it himself, he only respects people who are better than him, and I don't care how much he pretends, do ya really think that's gonna happen on the _beginner's_ slope? 

         Of course not. And that's why I follow the double diamond signs all the way to the Dead Man's Curve line. And—gulp. Even the ski lift is steeper here. But all I have to do is get to the bottom without breakin' my neck. And then maybe I'll show Kaiba—sometimes ya don't have to stoop to someone else's level to make them feel better when ya hurt their feelings. Sometimes ya have to rise to theirs.

         All the people in line look so much taller and older than me. I get in line and do my best to look competent, but the guy ahead of me looks suspicious anyway. I guess I can't blame him—I'm feelin' just a tad anxious and trip as we're halfway to the front, nearly chokin' him when I grab hold of his neck to keep from falling. "Haven't I seen you on the bunny slope?" he asks, rubbing his neck.

         I laugh nervously. "No, I don't do bunny trails, just rabbit chases." He doesn't get it but persists.

         "I thought I saw you earlier this week getting chased by a grooming machine," he says.

         Like I wouldn't fake that anyway. "Me? Of course not. Must of been some guy who looked like me. How's that for bad luck, now everyone's gonna think I'm a loser, too."

         He nods, still rubbing his neck, but at least he turns back around. I surreptitiously wipe my brow in relief. That was close.

         All too soon I'm at the ski lift. I think I hear someone call my name again, but I'm just jumpy—now that I'm actually doin' this I'm so nervous that when I get to the top and it's time to raise the safety bar, I get dizzy and feel like I'm gonna fall out without it. But I make it safely off the lift and ski around the short plateau at the top of the hill. I stare down the path in front of me and come to a startling conclusion, completely unrelated to the events of the previous evening. Seto Kaiba was right. 

         I am _such_ an idiot.

         It's like a straight slope of ice without guard rails. I see rocks. I see trees. I see me lyin' on the snow with my back broken. Ya know, I've taken this thing far enough. I wonder how embarrassing it would be to hitch a ride back down the ski lift. I'm turning around to ask the operator when I hear—

         "Joey! What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

         Someone's shouting. I freeze. How fast is this guy? There's no way he can be up here already. Come to think of it, how'd he even know I was here at all?

         Kaiba jumps off the ski lift and skis over to me. He was just shouting because he was on the ski lift. Now that he's off, he says almost conversationally, "Planning on breaking your neck, you idiot?"

         Ya'd think nothing had even happened. I just look at him funny, trying to figure out his motives. But when all he does is smirk at me, leaning against his ski poles like he's posing for some underwear ad, I say, defiant, "So what if I am?" 

         He rolls his eyes and I startle when he grabs my arm with surprising force. He watches me as I test his grip, pulling my arm away slightly, and discover his hold is quite firm. He sighs. "You're so stupid it's almost admirable," he says. That's Kaiba for you—Yami may be king of games, but Kaiba's king of the backwards compliment. "But you are not experienced enough for this slope. Come on. Ski lift. Now."

         I get the weird feelin' he knows what I'm doin' and this is his way of saying _thanks_. But in spite of what I just said, I can't leave like this, letting him lead me off the slope like a—like a _dog_. "Let go of me."

         And it's like a replay of last night. "No."

         "I said let go."

         "I said no."

         "I said _let go_—"

         "_I_ said _no_—"

_         "Damn it, Seto, I said let go!" _

         He looks surprised at something, enough that he releases me. We stare at each other for a second, and then, on impulse, I dig my ski poles in and take-off down the slope.

         Holy shit, that was a stupid impulse. Tristan drives twenty miles over the speed limit and still goes slower on his motorbike. I kneel down in racing position for balance and try not to panic as I gain even more speed. I try to brake once and almost skid out of control instead. Amazingly enough, I somehow manage to right myself, and the bobble slows me down for a moment, but then I start going faster and faster again. In the pause between the rush of wind I hear Kaiba shouting in the background. He's given up all sense of propriety.

         _"Joey_! Heel, mutt! I said _heel_!"

         Ya know, if I survive, I am going to _kill_ him.

         Up ahead of me I see Dead Man's Curve. Oh, this is so not good. I'd prefer not to go crashin' there. I'd prefer not to crash at all, and granted, there are safety nets around the drop off and stuff, but I'd still rather not get tangled up in a net like a fish fifty feet above the ground.

         I'm surprised I don't die of fright before the curve. But then I hit it and bend inward, convinced I'm going to tip over any second and go into a tailspin, or else not bend enough and ram straight into the nets— 

         —And I'm going so fast that suddenly I'm past it just like that. My jaw drops open. I did it. I did it! I survived Dead Man's Curve! An expert slope and I went around it just like _that_! I—

         Uh-oh. Rock. 

         I panic, try to swerve, and overcorrect. I'm fallin', but it barely has time to register before I'm on the ground. My right knee takes the full brunt of the fall. I feel a pop and hear a crack and it twists underneath me.

         —Oh _shit shit shit_ it hurts and now I know why Mai said not to fall like that dear gods this is what I get for not bein' nice to Kaiba it's divine retribution I tell ya and _fuck it hurts_—

         And now the sky's gettin' dark and it's not even lunchtime. Who turned out the sun?

         "Joey!" Kaiba skis up and stops right next to me. Show-off. He curses. "Dammit, mutt! I told you not to do this!"

         Just pour salt in the wound, Kaiba. I wanna respond but my tongue's too heavy. My head is poundin' and I'm so tired and it hurts, it hurts all over, it hurts worse than it's ever hurt before, even when I've gotten beat up it didn't hurt this bad—

         "Joey! Stay awake!"

         Too late, Seto. I can't keep my eyes open any longer and the world fades to black.

**TBC...**

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_Review responses (for reviews posted between 1/28/04 – 4/22/04):_

Killian:  *lol* Thanks!

Spruceton Spook: Kad, why were your fingernails wet when you reviewed?  Had you just painted them or something?  I'd say glad you liked the Blair Witch Project references—but hello, you were the one who made them possible.  LOL  Thanks again, though at least I could make you happy with them.  ^_~  Oh, and while we're on the topic of horror movies—I _really_ wanted to figure out a way to work in a haunted hotel reference á là "The Shining," believe it or not.  I couldn't figure it out though.  Maybe in the revision?  ^^

Shi-no-Nezumi: Yes, bunnies.  :D  I don't know if I'd call Joey a wuss for not being an expert skier after three days, but only on that point.  He _is _a scaredy-cat the rest of the time—as he is on the show.  Have you seen his reaction to Bakura's occult deck?  LOL  Thanks for the review!

BarbedWire23:  You don't like the nets?  I guess it would be creepy to get entangled in them fifty feet above the ground…then again, I'd prefer it to falling off the side of the cliff.  ^O^;   Glad you liked it in spite of the "Fear Factor" quality of the ski slope…  :D

Hush Puppie: I love bunnies too.  And kitties.  And…the only problem with puppies is that they grow up to be dogs.  Sometimes _big_ dogs.  *makes face*  Though that in itself sounds like a line that belongs in an S/J somewhere… You do lay it on thick!  *blushes*   …Though that's not to say I don't like it.  *g*  Thanks!

Hella: You like reviewing in two places?  I'm usually doing well if I can review in _one_.  *lol*  But don't get me wrong, as long as you feel up to it, I don't mind being the recipient.  :D   Glad you liked the 'heel' line; Sheron forced me to include it.  Really, she held a gun to my head and made me at it in the revision.  J/k, though as for the mental image of disgruntled!Kaiba jumping up and down and waving his ski poles as he yelled it…well, you never know.  Joey does have a way of bringing Kaiba down to his level (and as he would say, oo, the innuendo!  *g*)

Zansetsu: This fic got you hooked on Seto/Joey?  Wow!  That's a compliment, though I still find it hilarious when people tell me that, as I wasn't initially an S/J shipper myself.  ^O^;  Sorry for the long wait with the update, but thanks for the review!

riskygamble: I know, it was an evil cliffie…  :(  But since each chapter only covered one day and my protagonist was knocked out for the day, what could I do?  Glad you like the story!  

ShadowSpirit2: *lol*  Sorry for the cliffhanger, though…well, see above response.  I guess I could have had a lot of white space to signify Joey's unconscious state…nah.  I'm not a modernist.  ;)  Thanks for reviewing!

Icy Flame: I love your reviews.  Glad I could use your line, too!  It's a great joke—and I don't feel funny saying that since it's yours.  XD  Never thought about Yami Bakura performing his rituals in order to keep Yami away from "his" bunnies.  That must be it—he's just a softy at heart.  That, or he had plans for the bunnies that we don't want to ask about.  *g*  And pleased to make your funny quote list!  My best friend keeps one too and says she tends to quote me…unfortunately, in her case the things I say weren't usually intended to be funny…  *rolls eyes*

ideseth: Not doubting your review; doubting my ability.  '.'  (Btw, it's nice to reply to you both for the obvious reasons and for the fact that I can use a larger array of emoticons…)  Not naming the chapters because that'd be a pain in the butt.  I was actually quite happy to pick the title "One Week" for the specific reason that meant I didn't have to name the individual chapters.   ^^  Oh, and, no I don't have a thing against the number 113.  I think it may even be a prime number…  *tries to do the math in her head*  Seems that way…

Chihaur-Chan:  Glad you were liking the skiing part, though Joey did have to hit a rock—I couldn't fake it any longer.  ^O^;  I've been skiing before, but only once, so I had to keep to the beginner's stuff for most of the fic.  Glad you liked the bunnies too—I have no idea where that part came from, but I'm quite fond of random moments of cuteness, even if anything involving bunnies tends to verge on sugar shock.  Thanks for reviewing!

Sheron: I did use part of your idea for how Joey was rescued.  Even if it came from Téa's mouth.  i. ^^  Btw, if I hadn't reminded you what it was, would you have realized it?  You _did_ forget about the 'heel.'  :p  And thanks for saying I'm only "a few chapters away from being a great author." You nut.   (Hey, if I capitalized that you'd be a sky goddess…)

(: MeGaN :) : I don't know what it was about your reviews, but it really tickled me when I got them!  And they got me off my butt to write more, even though I didn't update at the time.  So thanks for them; they helped me more than you realized.  :)

Dragoness Kaei:  Kaiba couldn't carry Joey back to the hotel because he wouldn't move someone who's injured.  Shame though.  :(  But at least he did rescue Joey, and I won't say that he _won't_ "help" Joey out while Joey's handicapped at a later point… ^_~

chibiusaxoxo: Thanks for the review!  And the enthusiasm—although cheese graters weren't meant to be used on people's heads.  You probably better not do that.  ;)

blank: Sorry to leave you hanging!  There was only so much an unconscious person could do for the rest of the day, though.  ^^;  Thanks for reviewing!

Tuulikki:  I have to tell you, you are the first and perhaps only person to notice that Joey calls Kaiba "Seto" for the first time at the beginning of the chapter.  I was hoping it would be subtle but I'm glad you caught it.  And much thanks for the awesomeness.  I can take "awesome."  ^_^  *reminds self to review _your_ fic soon, too*

Sundance300:  Thanks!  Glad I hear I can be sometimes unpredictable, too.  ;)

number13:  Yes, Seto's home is with Joey.  Isn't it sweet?  *g*

r*a*d*i*a*n*y: Wow.  Thanks for the massive review.  O.O  Where to begin?  Um, I guess for starters, thanks again.  And we're mutual fans of D. Draggy, though I think you probably knew that somehow since we're LJ buddies.  ^^  Let's see—I don't doubt that some things were exaggerated.  My comedies tend to verge on parody, so that may be where it comes from.  Or it could just be me.  *shrugs*  I really love Jounouchi's POV too—I guess you could say I'm a fangirl, but a late one.  I thought he was funny on the show but it wasn't until I read a few good fics centering around him, and then wrote in his voice myself, that I started loving him so much.  Interesting the way fanfiction can affect a character that way—though it's not fanon!Joey that I like.  It was him being written in-character that made me like him, if that makes sense.  Thanks again for the review and I'll be seeing you when you have internet access. ^_~

Faia Ookami:  Yami and Yami Bakura both probably need to get out, I think.  You have to wonder what they do whenever they're not in control.  Most authors have fancy metatheories about the conscious mind, but I think it would be funny if it were something off the wall, like I don't know, cooking…anyway.  Yup, Kaiba's starting to let his feelings slip.  We'll see how well that goes within the next two chapters.  ^^

Pachelbel: Ff.net can be such a pain, can't it?  At least Xing's been trying to make it more reliable lately.  I'll give him credit for the effort, though it remains to see if it worked.  Anyway, 3 am reviews are funny, as long as the reviewer doesn't mind being up so late.  ^_~  Actually…your brother is right, it was the Blair Witch project.  *g*  Mainly because I don't even watch films in the horror genre and needed something that would be both familiar with people and easily summarized for me.  I have yet to see the movie myself.  *lol*  On the other hand, that may have helped my creative license…  And an encyclopedia of Kaiba's "hm"s?  Sounds like a plan.  I wonder how I could manage a parody…  XD

Ok:  No, Joey's not dead—one of the lovely things about first-person POV is that the narrator has to stay alive for the fic to be finished.  *thinks of "Being Dead Ain't Easy"*  Most of the time.  *lol*  Thanks for the review!

Sarasusamiga:  Don't worry, the bunnies will play a cameo at least once more.  :)  Thanks for the compliments!

ChibiSerenity3: Nope, I didn't abandon it, just got massive writer's block thanks to the fact that the next chapter was a mess of dialogue.  I like humor stories too—glad you liked mine.  ^^

ColeyCarissa: Literal cliffie, isn't it?  *g*  Thanks so much for the review!  And hey, I clicked on your bio and saw that you have a ski trip story too.  Great minds must think alike.  ^_~  But they're fun, aren't they?

Otaku-Catrina:  Chapter five was hard to write, so it's good to know people still liked it.  And thanks for the fave, that's the best compliment you can give me.  ;)  

Vampyric Saiyaness:  You're making me blush, though thanks.  *blushes*  Um, 3 you back?  :)

Cassandra Cassidy: It took me a while to connect your two pen names, though the SAT comment in your other review tipped me off.  ;)  As for the occult circle…well…I gotta say, some things just may have to remain a mystery.  But that's not to say it won't be mentioned again.  ^^  Thanks for the fave! 

snarechan:  I'll let you in on a little secret—I _am_ Joey.  *shifty eyes*  Shh, don't tell, I have to hide from all the fangirls.  :D  Seriously, thanks for the review and I'm tickled that you read the whole story at once.  *g*  

Sakata Ri Houjun:  My goodness, what a long review!  Thanks!  And I know, I prefer Joey and Kaiba's relationship to be gradual.  They've got so much bad blood between them I'd probably take some time for them to learn to like the other.  Though I do think first season Kaiba is a little easier to play around with.  At least he's got a reason to be an ass there.  *g*  My one and only time skiing was on a church trip myself, way back in middle school.  I stuck to the bunny slope all day, though many of Joey's adventures came from that—the whole skiing-over-the-mogul-on-my-butt thing, the getting-chased-by-grooming-machine thing, and…something else that I'm forgetting at the moment.  Oh yeah, the stopping-the-ski-lift thing, too.  And my sister's had her own adventures, but with snowboarding (she fell into some soft snow and every time she tried to climb out she'd get buried further).  At least trips leave us with fun stories to tell.  :)

Nouchi: Yeah, Joey brings some of his problems on his self with his smart-alecky comments, doesn't he.  ^O^  Though all the snide remarks flying around can make a Seto/Joey really fun—that's the main reason I started reading them myself.  Thanks for the fave!  ^^

themainschu: Sorry for stopping, but Joey sorta had to get to the hospital then.  ^^;;; Thanks for the review though, it was really sweet!

Catzgurl713: I'm glad the story makes you laugh.  Thanks!  ^^


	7. Day Six

Author's notes: Rated PG-13 for...lots of stuff you've gotten used to if you've made it this far.  Slight language, sexual humor, etc.

Other notes, credits, and thanks have been shifted to the bottom of the chapter.  ^^

Disclaimer: _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ does not belong to me, and the only bunnies I own are of the plot variety.

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**One Week - Day Six**

         It's not until the next day that I feel halfway better, if a guy _can_ feel better with stitches all over his kneecap, bandages everywhere from his back to his ass, and his leg up over his head in a traction.  Come to think of it, I think I preferred unconsciousness.  Though I was pretty loopy yesterday even when I was awake, first from the pain and then from the anesthetic from my emergency knee surgery.  Did ya hear that?  Knee surgery.  My first time in an operating room and I was asleep the whole time.  Pity.

         I'm still a bit out of it today, sorta wavering in and out of nuttiness, depending on how high a dosage of painkillers they have me on at the time.  They'll keep me on them for at least a few days, though I'll probably get to get out of the hospital as early as tomorrow.  Might've even been today, but apparently I took too long to regain consciousness yesterday and they figured I somehow hit my head when I fell, too.  Actually, _my_ theory is Kaiba whacked me a good one when I passed out, but the point is I managed to get a concussion and between it and my knee, they're keeping me overnight again for observation.

         My parents were understandably a little freaked.  They both wanted to drive up and visit me, but I talked them out of it.  Dad 'cause he thinks sobriety is something that happens in a church service, and mom I figure has already missed three other medical emergencies in my life, so one more won't hurt.  At least they were concerned.  Mom even sent me flowers.  

         As did half my class.  My room looks like a freakin' florist's.  I got a bouquet from every chaperone on the trip.  And Yugi and Téa and everybody pitched in together for a big basket—well, almost everybody.  Duke sent his separately, courtesy of his game shop.  Don't be impressed, it was a  funeral wreath.  Ha, I am so _not_ amused.  

         But what _is_ funny is the five vases of flowers I got sent by—get this—"secret admirers."  Who knew?  Next thing ya know I'll be homecoming king.  And then Dan Brown and Adam Reese even managed to send me a basket with a cleverly concealed bottle of vodka in it.  _That_ got confiscated by the nurse.  Shame, too.  This place doesn't have much by way of refreshment.  

         It ain't exactly a thrill a minute around here.  During my waking hours, when I'm not giving delivery boys my autograph, I can do one of two things: Watch a talk show on TV, or watch a soap opera on TV.  I watch the first all morning, catching up on all the I'm-having-my-stepfather's-baby crises, and then after lunch I watch _Hearts Afire_, which oddly enough has the same subplot.  Somewhere in the middle of Bill cheating on Jill the nurse brings in another of my painkillers.  We discuss the finer points of the murder trial for Jack, Jill's ex-husband twice removed, and then the drugs kick in.  I fall asleep right before finding out if he's guilty.

         It's gotta be a couple hours later when I start coming to, albeit groggily.  This stuff I'm on is _heavy_, man.  It's makin' me hear voices in my head, and they're tellin' each other to shut up.  I should tell Yugi.  He thinks he's special 'cause he's got one little psychic friend, and here I am with five in my mind.  I didn't know I had enough room up there.

         Come to think of it, one of those voices _sounds_ like Yugi.  "I wonder what he's dreaming about," he says softly.  Good question.  Hm—I can't remember exactly, but I think it had something to do with a giant donut.

         "Knowing him, it probably has something to do with food," another voice says, this one sounding oddly like Tristan.  Definitely as smart-alecky.

         "Shh, you'll wake him up."  That one sounded like Téa.  Probably my conscience talkin'.

         "I think he already is."  My subconscious has a British accent.  "Joey?  Are you awake?"

         I shift around a little under my sheets.  "Five more minutes..." I groan.  Yugi's voice giggles, or rather Yugi, because I've come to enough to realize I've got visitors, not schizophrenia.  

         I blink awake and see the whole gang hanging around my bed.  Don't I feel underdressed.  Everyone's got on their snazziest ski resort chic and here I am in a flimsy hospital gown.  I pull the sheet up a little higher on my chest and pretend I'm just yawning.  "Hey, guys."

         "Joey!"  Yugi's smiling, though it's a weird sort of guilty smile, like he's somehow betraying me to be happy in a hospital.  "How do you feel?"  
  
         I hate that question.  I'm in the hospital, how do you _think_ I feel?  At least with my friends I can be honest.  "Like a drugged horse," I answer, and Yugi frowns.  Well, not_ too_ honest if I don't want to worry him.  "But I could be worse," I reassure him, patting him on the hand.  His smile at that is genuine.  "How'd ya get here, anyway?"

         "There was a shuttle from the lodge to downtown," Tristan answers.  "We had to walk a couple blocks, but the hospital's not that far from the stop."  His long-lost Siamese twin, I mean, Duke, nods in agreement.

         "Oh."  My brain's not quite up to speed.  Normally I'd give them some sly wisecrack, like 'how long did it take you to find the sidewalk' or something, to show my appreciation.  The more derogatory, the more grateful I am, get it?  But today all I can come up with is—"Thanks."

         Luckily, they don't take offense.

         "Hey, we were worried," Téa says, and then narrows her eyes.  "What in the world possessed you to try such a stunt anyway, Joey?"

         The fact that everyone's staring at me, waiting for an answer, is not helping my brain work any faster.  That, and their faces run the gamut from worried (Yugi) to condescending (Tristan and Duke) to murderous (Téa).  I ponder the wall opposite me before I finally offer, "Stupidity?"  
  
         Yugi's worry changes to laughter and Tristan rolls his eyes.  "At least he's honest," he says.  I shrug sheepishly.

         "I was just trying to prove something," I say for more explanation, "'cept all I ended up proving was that a guy who's only skied three days probably shouldn't try the expert slope."

         Téa's still shaking her head.  "Joey, if I hadn't been so worried when we found out what happened, I would have killed you."    Seeing as she's threatened to kill me a hundred times over, and I'm still here, I'm not too worried.  Kinda weird, though, that my friends know more about what I did yesterday than I do.

         I push the button on my bed to sit up so I can talk easier.  It goes too far and I lower it back down.  That's no good, so I raise it back up.  But it's too high, so I bring it back down, then it's too low, so it comes back up, down, up, down—Téa clears her throat and I decide it's fine where it's at.  

         "What did happen, anyway?" I ask.  "After I fell, I mean.  I  vaguely remember crashing, and bits and pieces of the ambulance, and next thing I know I woke up in this bed and the nurses were tellin' me I'd had surgery."

          Everyone looks at each other, and Tristan says,  "You tell him, Yugi, you were there." He helps himself to a box of chocolates one of my 'secret admirers' sent.  Duke follows suit and I give the two of them a dirty look, then make a big show of graciously offering it to Yugi and Bakura.   And Téa, who first accuses me of tryin' to make her too fat for her leotard and then takes two pieces.  
  


         "Well," Yugi says, having a little trouble speaking at first thanks to a caramel gluing his teeth shut, "I'm not sure _exactly_ what happened either.  But Kaiba and I were riding the ski lift together, not talking, and we were almost at the top when he got—weird."  

         I raise my eyebrows.  "More so than usual, you mean?"

         "Joey!"  His attempt to look stern is ruined by his involuntary snort.  "I mean, he got this funny look on his face and I couldn't tell if he was mad or amused," he clarifies.  "I asked him what was wrong, but all he said was..."  

         And then he pauses and blushes.  I sigh.  I know what's coming.  "It's okay, just say it."  
  


         "That damn mutt.'"  He whispers the expletive and looks apologetic.  I wave it off in an exaggerated manner and he smiles.  "He didn't say anything else, and when we got to the top he just jumped off and started skiing down without me.  He was really fast," he says in wonder, and then I see him space out.  Ah, Yami must be jealous.

         "And then?"  I ask. "How'd you know where to find me?"

         "Well, I followed Kaiba, because I figured something happened to you."  Naw, Yug, what was your first clue?  The_ damn_, or the _mutt_?  "Kaiba beat me"—another pause and trance—"though only because he had a head start."  Apparently Yami insisted on the qualifier.  "Anyway, when I got down to the bottom of the hill, Téa was back.  She saw where Kaiba was going, and we followed him down to the expert slope.  I guessed what happened, and then I knew for sure when I found this."

         Dum dum da dum.  Suddenly I'm having B-movie dé jà vu.  Detective Yugi pulls the 'irrefutable' proof out of his pocket and carefully places it by my bedside tray.  No kidding—Kaiba's stopwatch, its face now cracked.  I must have dropped it when I tried to strangle, err, when I tripped that guy.

         Téa takes over.  "Yugi wanted to follow you up there.  But luckily"—she glares at him—"they'd already closed the ski lift.  We found out later it was because of your accident.  I mean, not that I wanted you to get hurt.  But otherwise _he_ might be in the hospital bed next to you."  

         She seems peeved, which looks like a carry-over from yesterday, while Yugi's entirely unconcerned.  It would probably be of great comfort to him to realize they're already like an old married couple.  'Course, I dunno—right now he's gettin' the arguments but not the benefits.

         Anyway.  "So ya don't know how I got down?"  
  


         "Moneybags, apparently," Tristan says, and then grins when I give him a dirty look.  He probably thinks it's because he's eating another chocolate—'course, he _did_ take the last peanut butter—but my chief grievance?  He used _my_ name for Kaiba.  Sure, the guy's a rich bastard with severe psychological tendencies, but _I'm_ the only one allowed to tell him that.

         But, "And that's supposed to mean...?" is all I say.  Well, just a little disgruntled.

         "He used his cell phone to call for help," Duke explains, since Tristan is still licking peanut butter from his lips.  "And stayed with you until one of the emergency vehicles got there."  That's enough to pull my attention away from the chocolate and back to the conversation.

         "Kaiba.  Watched over me like a guard dog."  I'm dubious at the role reversal.

         "It's true."  Yugi backs him up.  "He told us when he got to the bottom of the slope.  And then he asked for a rematch."  He rolls his eyes.  I grin in spite of myself.  That's Kaiba for you.  Best friend in the hospital?  It's okay, he's on life support.  The game must go on.

         "Who won?"  I tease.

         "Nobody!  I didn't accept!"  Yugi looks righteously indignant.  I suppress a grin.  I bet Yami was pissed.

         "Anything else?"  I ask Téa, since Yugi is still aggrieved that I'd accuse him of skiing on his own perfectly healthy legs while I had one of mine in a traction.

         "That's about it," she says.  "They took you to the hospital.  We couldn't visit you until today, though.  But Ms. Freak called us several times to keep us updated on your progress."  
  
         I think I missed something.  "Ms. Freak..."

         "She stayed with you at the hospital all night to make sure you were okay," Yugi informs me in a tone that tells me _at-least-_she-_has-her-priorities-straight_. "She called us every hour until almost midnight, and then she slept over at the hospital.  It wasn't until this morning, when your doctors finally convinced her you were fine, that she came back to the lodge."

         Pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip.   Ms. Freak.  The woman I've lobbed insults at ever since she took the guidance counselor position at the beginning of the year.  Acted more like a parent to me last night than either of mine have for the past seven years.  I open my mouth to try to reply, but suddenly everything that comes to my mind seems highly ungrateful.

         Seeing as I can't answer, I look around for a diversion.  My eyes land on Bakura.  "But—the bunnies.  She didn't see the bunnies?"  
  


         If anyone else finds this an odd tangent, apparently they just chalk it up to the drugs, 'cause it's not greeted with anything other than happiness from Bakura.  "Yes, but that's quite all right," he says.  "Coach Jones helped me rescue them—though he promises not to use them for his Biology II class."  

         Ehhe.  Almost forgot about that.  I think I need foot surgery now, seeing as mine has decided to take up permanent residence in my mouth.

         The nurse saves me by coming in to check my vitals.  When she sees all my guests, she says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Wheeler, hospital policy is only two visitors at a time."  Wow, you mean real hospitals actually have that rule?  I thought that was just a bad plot device.

         "Okay, I pick Yugi," I say, and Yugi's sudden cough sounds more like snort.  I look at the others.  "Sorry guys, but I gotta ask him something."

         "No problem. We have to get back before Ms. Freak knows we're gone, anyway," Tristan says.

         "Ya didn't get permission to come here?"  Not that it's any surprise he broke the rules.  I'm just curious why he had to in the first place.

         "Nah, we're supposed to be locked in our room together," Duke says.  "We sorta built a snowman of the principal right outside the lodge this morning."

         "And you got punished just for that?"  
  


         Tristan shrugs.  "It was anatomically correct."

         The nurse redoubles her efforts in shooing them out the door.  "Meet you in the lobby," Yugi calls after them and then shuts the door.  He tilts his head as he looks at me.  "Is something wrong, Joey?"  
  


         "Nah."  I shake my head.  "I mean, I don't think so.  I mean, you tell me.  I was just wonderin', and I didn't know how uncomfortable you'd be talkin' about it around the others, but—how are things with Yami?  Did he ever tell you what was wrong?"

         He's suddenly overcome by a fit of giggles, trances out again, and then just giggles some more.  "Oh!  That..."  He grins.  "No, you were right, actually, it was nothing.  Remember how I thought Bakura didn't come back in the room Wednesday night?  He did, after I was asleep.  So Yami and Yami Bakura did duel, but they were interrupted when Bakura woke up early.  Yami Bakura had higher life points at the time, so now he claims he won."

         "Well that's not fair," I say, but I'm grinning.  "Poor Yami.  Yami Bakura and Kaiba beat him twice in one day, huh?  That's gotta hurt."

         "He'll be okay," Yugi assures me.  "In fact, it's good for him to lose once in a while.  It's character building."  And with that statement, he's lost to me for the rest of the visit.  He jumps as if he's being rebuked by a voice only he can hear.  And then he starts talking back to it.  "But Yami..."  He cringes visibly.  "I know, but Yami..."  Another pause.  "Would you just listen for a minute?  Yami..."

         Heh.  I help myself to another chocolate and sign the delivery slip for another bouquet of flowers that comes while Yugi's arguing with himself.  I say goodbye as he leaves, and he waves back distractedly, apparently too involved in his 'discussion' to answer.  He's still muttering under his breath as he walks out the door.

~~~

         I take another dose and another nap after the others leave.  I'm still groggy but I'm starting to come out of it when I hear a voice from the direction of the door sayin', "Delivery for Joey Wheeler."

         "Again?"  I mumble, and then do a double take when I see who's standing there.  I grin. "What, you're a delivery man now, too?"

         Mai shakes her finger at me. "Delivery _woman_, hon.  And no, I just thought I'd personalize it.  Sorry I'm late, I had to wait until after lessons were over to come."  She walks over and sets a pot of violets on my nightstand, pushing the other bouquets aside so that hers is on the front row, but not blocking anything since they're twice as short as all the rest—kinda like Yugi on class picture day.

         "I didn't even know you were coming, so not a problem."  I raise the bed up. It's too high at first, and so I—think better of it and just leave it.  

         "How are you feeling?" she asks.

         There's that question again.  I can tell Mai the truth too, but then again I don't want her to think I'm a wimp.  So I give her the vague truth, which is the new lie.  "I've been better, but the docs are keepin' me pretty high on painkillers.  So I'm good."

         "Are you sure?"  she asks.  "You're not just lying to me to 'be a man about it'?"

         How'd she do that?  Must be that thing they call 'women's intuition' (to be used whenever 'heart of the cards' is not applicable).  Oh well.  I shrug.  "Yeah, I'm sure."    
  


         "Well, good."  She accepts my answer this time.  "In that case..."  

         And suddenly it's not so good when she yanks me by my flimsy hospital gown and pulls me halfway outta the bed, right up in her face.  Right, I've learned my lesson—next time I'll tell the truth.  Between the traction my leg's in and the vise grip she has on my shoulders, I'm folded in a 'V,' but twisted at the waist.  Not the most comfortable position in the world.  I'd comment, but that rabid look in her eyes scares me too much. 

         "What in the world possessed you to do that?" she snarls at me.  "Taking on the expert slope after two lessons on the bunny slope?"  
  


         "I...uh..."  She's still glaring at me. You know, they say duelists start to resemble their favorite duel monsters, and right now I'm feelin' it, because I'm in the claws of a harpy lady.  I gulp.  "Ya know, I never noticed how pretty your eyes were until I was close enough to count your eyelashes..."  
  


         "Don't change the subject!"  Wow, she's not even blinking.  That's freaky.  Plus, she must be really mad to ignore a compliment.  Girl's so vain she brought a three-way mirror to Duelist Kingdom.  If she's not melting it's can only be because she cares more about me than her appearance—

         Aww.

         Still, it's not like she's showing it.  I have little confidence that whatever I say won't result in another broken bone.  I flounder under the pressure.  "Well, Seto was doing it..."

         Amazingly, she lets go, forcing me to fling myself backwards in order not to fall out of bed.  She gives me a strange look as I rub my head—I think I got whiplash.  "Since when did you start calling him 'Seto'?"  
  


         Somewhere between the hard-on and the broken leg?  Huh.  I wasn't even aware of saying it.  I smile nervously.  "You'd be surprised at what can happen in a week."

         "Apparently."  She's still looking at me funny but she sits down, calmer.  Thank goodness.  Too much more of that and I was afraid she would have equipped herself with a rosewhip.  "I should have known.  You always do try to show off for all the girls—and Seto Kaiba."

         "Show him _up_, Mai."  I glare at her.  "There's a difference."

         She's grinning.  "Whatever."  She fiddles with one of the other bouquets on the night stand, reading the note like it's any of her business.  "Oo, a secret admirer?  I'm jealous," she teases.  At least I think she's teasing.  
  


         "Admirer_s_, plural—really?"

         "No."  She winks.  "Ski instructors get plenty of their own.  So, who do you think it's from?"

         Do I look like a psychic?  "If I _knew_, it wouldn't be a secret."  

         "There are ways of finding these things out," she tells me, and adopts her_ Cosmo_ voice  "Of course you could ask around, but if you want to be discrete, just pay a little more attention to your surroundings.  See if anyone's staring at you more than usual.  Wear something sexy, and see if it makes anyone blush or look away when they see you."

         As if I'm not always sexy.  I roll my eyes.  "Right.  I'll wear my best halter next time I see Seto."  Seto?  That really does slip out naturally.  Weird.  

         Mai notices too.  "You guys really are getting on together, huh?"  Excellent choice of words.

         I shrug.  "You could say that."

         And then it hits me.  So far I've had no one to talk to about everything going on with Kaiba.  After all, it's not like I can bring it up with Yugi—can you imagine his face?  "So, Yug, has your rivalry with Kaiba ever turned sexual?"  I'd be picking him up off the floor.  I might could talk to Tristan, _if_ I could ever talk to him again without having to go through Duke first.  And Téa?  Not even.  Not that I think she'd freak.  Actually, I'm guessing she'd be the most likely to understand.  So understanding, in fact, that I wouldn't put it past her to try to "help us along" to demonstrate the Power of Friendship.  Not happening.

         But Mai?  Even apart from sounding like she wants to start her own advice column, she's an 'older woman'—she's got _experience_ and all that jazz.  I won't escape from the teasing, but I think I can count on her not to interfere. Very independent-minded, Mai is.  And seeing as she's already been the most observant so far, it's not like it'll come as a total shock to her.  Though when I say everything goin' on—I don't really mean _everything_.  Just the gist of things.

         With my decision made, I try to figure out the most casual way to bring it up.  "So, Mai.  If you got so many admirers, tell me—how do _you_ know if a guy likes ya?"  
  


         Real casual.  As casual as a toga without the party.  She just starts blinking rapidly and I hastily improv, "Uh, Téa was askin' me earlier.  Trying to get a guy's opinion, ya know?  But she said I didn't help much—actually, she said I was 'as sensitive as a rock'—anyway, I was just wondering, what kinda signals am I _supposed_ to be sending out?"

         Not bad for the spur of the moment.  But Mai's still giving me a funny look.  "She hasn't said anything to me about it."

         Darn, I forgot they were rooming together.  See, this is the problem with lies.  Ya tell one, ya just end up tellin' another, and then they build on each other until they all topple down like when me and Tristan built a milk-carton mansion during lunch and Bakura tripped into the table.  I'm learning so many valuable lessons today—but still trying to save face in front of Mai.  

         "She probably just feels uncomfortable asking you, with all your experience.  Though don't tell her I said that."  _Please_ don't tell her I said that.  I think I'd have to go back to the operating room to have my head surgically removed from my ass.

         Mai looks thoughtful and apparently decides to answer.  "Well, it all depends on the guy of course.  I mean, just look at Kaiba.  He's so guarded that even if he did leave clues, an unperceptive person might never even know he likes him."  Why do I get the feeling I should be offended.  

         Besides—"Who said I was talking about Kaiba?"  I glare at her.

         "Just an example." She winks at me.  "But okay, if you're serious—it can be subtle, but he seems to treat you differently than everyone else."  Well, pretending this example _was_ Kaiba—let's see, he condescends to practically everyone, though he does seem to reserve a special vitriol just for me.  Does that count?  "He may have a pet name for you."  This one's obvious, though I'm not buying the term of endearment excuse.  "And he does things for you that he'd do for no one else."

         Like _what_?  Look what he's done this week alone.  Punched me—well, okay, so he was kinda provoked.  Stolen my clothes—which was also sorta karma.  And I _guess_ it could be interpreted as him giving me the honor of being the recipient of the _only_ practical joke I've ever seen him play.  But still.  He's insulted me at every opportunity—er, except when he made a point of _not_ calling me stupid when he figured out I have trouble reading. And then, of course, there's the fact that when I decided to play chicken with a mountain—and the mountain won—he didn't just leave me alone, but _helped_ me...  
  


         "You're right, I doubt he'd do that even for Yugi," Mai says.  What—damn!  How much of that did I say  out loud?!  "He'd probably say a true duelist should be able to get down the mountain on _two_ broken legs, much less one."  

         "You're right about that."  I hastily agree with her while crossing my fingers under my blanket that's the only part of my internal monologue that she overheard.  I really should stop thinking with my mouth open.

         She grins at me and tousles my hair.  I won't tell her it hasn't been washed in two days.  "Well, I'd better let you rest some more.  Hey, I probably won't see you again before you go home, so call me, okay?"  She fishes a pen out of the front of her shirt—so_ that's_ what cleavage is for—and scribbles her number down on the card that went with her bouquet.  "Let me know how things go with _Seto_."  She winks at me again.

         "I will—" I say automatically, and then realize I should be indignant.  I correct myself.  "And what's that supposed to mean?!"  
  


         "Oh, nothing."  She air kisses and waves.  "Bye now."  

         "But Mai...hey, Mai...!"  
  
         She doesn't answer me, just walks out the door mumbling something about _'It's always the cute ones.'_  Hm.  I wonder what she means by that.

~~~

         I take another nap.  The docs have got me on this weird drug that's givin' me funky dreams—I'm fighting aliens in hand to hand-combat, though I'm doin' pretty good for myself, knocking out thirty with my stun gun and pushing back the entire enemy line single-handedly.  Then I turn around and—argh!  A particularly ugly one right in my face!  I freak, but there's a sandbag right next to me.  I lunge at it, lift it over my head—ugh, you'd think I could dream it weighed less—and throw it as hard as I can at the creature.

         The alien just barely jumps back in time, and then it does something unexpected.  It picks the sandbag up as easy as can be and hands it back to me, sayin', "I'm sorry, Joseph.  I didn't mean to scare you."

         There are only two people in the world who call me Joseph.  One's my mom.  The other is—Ms. Freak.  I blink and realize the alien sun is actually fluorescent lighting.  I mistook my pillow for a sandbag, and Ms. Freak—

         Well, the alien analogy wasn't that far off.

         Waitasecond, Ms. Freak?  I ponder this as I plump my pillow.  I know the guys said that she'd been here, but only when I've been knocked out.  And yeah, that was really nice of her—really, really, nice in fact, enough to make me feel guilty for even a substandard insult—but I'm awake now, so why's she here?  Lookin' for a thank you?  An apology?   Or is she _that_ anxious to tell me I've got detention for the rest of high school...

         ...Time to play dead.  "Um, that's okay..."  Followed by a loud, hacking cough.

         It seems to work—she blinks sadly at me with her big bug eyes.  "How are you feeling?"

         Like I said, I learned my lesson with Mai.  I will tell the truth—or at least go to the other extreme.  I cough some more.  "Well, to be honest, not so great, Ms. Freak."  And then a little shiver.  A sniffle.  And a dramatic sigh.  
  
         She looks distressed.  "All that time in the snow couldn't be good for you.  Maybe you caught pneumonia!"  
  


         Oh, that's a good one.  "You never know..." I say feebly.  I shiver again.  "Is it just me, or is it cold in here to you?"  It's so warm I'm almost sweating.  I'll blame the 'fever.'  
  
         "I should call a doctor!" she says, eager to help, reaching for the phone.  "What if they missed something?"

         No, let's keep the professionals out of this.  I switch tactics, reaching out to clasp my hand over hers.  Waitasecond.  I'm holding Ms. Freak's hand.  I change my mind and clasp mine together virtuously, as if in prayer.

         "No, don't go to the trouble," I say.  "Actually, I think it's just...a draft."  We both look at the ceiling to see a total lack of vent, and then at the window to see it firmly closed.

         "I can get you an extra blanket," she offers.  I suddenly feel more affection for Ms. Freak than I ever have before.  Granted, it was nonexistent before, so it's not that hard.  Still.  She walks over to the door and flags a nurse down.  "Excuse me!  Excuse me!  Can we get a nice warm blanket in here?  This boy was out in the _snow_  yesterday," she informs her, as if I was defying death with every flake.  Ya know,  if she's got such issues with snow, why'd she take us on a _skiing_ trip in the first place?

         But the nurse complies. The blanket ain't exactly warm, just a thin hospital regulation one, but that's a good thing as I'm hot enough already.  Ms. Freak tucks it around me almost tenderly.  I get in the weirdest situations, don't I.  

         "Is that better?" she asks.  
  


         "I guess,"  I say, noncommittally, and she looks so disappointed I have to add, "Oh, now it's starting to heat me up—wow, yeah, it's great!  Thanks, Ms. Freak."

         She beams.  "Anything else you need, Joseph?"  
  
         ...Only a fool would pass this opportunity up.  I kick my conscience to the curb.  "Well...I'm sorta thirsty, but..."

         "I'll be right back!"  She leaves and comes back with a cup of hot tea from the vending machine.  "How's this?"  
  


         A guy could get used to this.  But I gotta stay 'cool' so I pretend ambivalence.  "Well, I prefer cocoa, but..."

         "All right then!"  She leaves again and I just blink at the tea that she set down on my nightstand, my hand still outstretched to take it.  She takes a lot longer to come back this time, but when she does, she's got a mug of cocoa topped with whipped cream.  "Here you go.  Are you hungry, too?"  
  


         "I..."  
  


         "Here, I got these from the cafeteria."  She gives me a stack of chocolate chip cookies and looks at me hopefully.  I have to appease.

         "Wow, Ms. Freak, how'd ya know I  like to lick whipped cream off my cookies?"

         ...Mind, meet gutter.  Gutter, mind.  But Ms. Freak's head is always up in the clouds anyway, so the innuendo completely flies over—or under—her head.  She just smiles and sits back expectantly.  After a minute I take the hint and take a sip of the cocoa.  It's too hot, burning my mouth.  My eyes water but I just smile and squeak out, "Great."  
  


         Ms. Freak catches on.  "Is it too hot?" she asks.  And then—oh, no, don't even think about it—she starts tearing up as well.  C'mon, it's just cocoa.  I'm sure lots of people like theirs boiling.  I'm just not one of them.

         I try to rescue the situation.  "No, it's fine!  Mmm..."  I take some of the whipped cream off the top in an attempt to avoid the liquid.  I think she notices and it upsets her further.  

         "Don't lie to a teacher, Joseph."  A huge sniffle, but hers isn't faked.

         "Ms. Freak, it's great, see?"  I give in and take another scalding sip, but all I end up doing is burn my lower lip.  Meanwhile hers starts trembling.  Inspiration strikes me—"No, Ms. Freak, not too hot, just—too _warm_.  Yeah, that's it."  I smile at her encouragingly.

         It 's a lost cause.  "I knew it."  She's still sniffling.  This is so not good.  She stands up and walks over to the window.  "I can't do anything right!"  And now she's crying in earnest.

         Damn.  I _hate_ it when girls cry.  I get all awkward and nervous and don't know what to say—even if it's Ms. Freak.  _Especially_ if it's Ms. Freak, because teacher's aren't supposed to cry.  It's in their contract or something.  And they're also not supposed to admit they're clueless.  Sure, the entire school thinks she's an idiot, but how do you say that to her face?  Particularly when it's dripping (unbecomingly) with tears at the moment?

         Plus I'm at another disadvantage 'cause whenever girls cry, I get this manly compulsion to _do_ something.  And so suddenly I've gone from taking of advantage of Ms. Freak's sympathy to tryin' to console her.  Life is so unfair.

         "Aw, come on Ms. Freak, that's not true..." I start. She gives a very un-ladylike snort and just cries harder.  She sounds like a drowning pig but looks like a drowned rat.  I never thought about quite how hard it must be to be her.

         After a long moment where she's weepy and I'm panicky she finally stops blubbering long enough to speak.  "Yeah, right."  But she's still obviously down to be using slang—usually she tries to 'set an example' for us in everything, including grammar.  "What about the pep rally I organized?"  
  


         "What are you talking about?  That was fun!" I assure her.  And it isn't a total lie—it was unusual, yes, but still the talk of the student body for ages.  Besides, the janitors eventually got the paint off the ceiling.

         She looks down her nose at me, and succeeds fairly well in spite of the fact that it's still bright pink.  "Right.  And my stint as newspaper advisor?"

         I shrug.  "How were you to know _Oh! Calcutta!_ wasn't a play about Mother Teresa's missionary work?  Besides, that review was really interesting."

         "The day I chose the school menu?" she asks pointedly.  
  
         Okay, so that was bad.  "The school nurse did do a brisk trade in pepto bismal that day," I admit.  "But hey—look at this trip."

         "Yeah—"  There she goes again.  "—look at it.  It cost the school board almost a thousand dollars a student, and for what?  Fist fights, people cussing each other out, one broken leg—and that's just you and Kaiba," she points out.  Wow.  Ms. Freak does sarcasm.  She's scaring me here.  "When I go back I'll have to give a report on if the 'experiment' was successful or not.  And what do you think I'll have to say?"  
  


         Oh dear.  She's lost her bitter face and is tearing up again.  I liked her better snarky.  I hand her a box of tissues and hastily try to reassure her.  "What are you talking about, Ms. Freak?  Lots of good things have happened on this trip!"  
  


         "Like what?"  She blows her nose loudly and I resist the urge to make a face.

         "Like...like..."  No wonder she's skeptical—I have to think about it.  "Like Kaiba and Yugi.  Yugi's grandpa may start carrying Kaiba's duel disks in his shop.  Know how it happened?  Yugi and Kaiba talked about it on the bus, and then Yugi called his grandpa to negotiate a meeting.  That might never have happened were it not for this trip."

         It doesn't look like a business deal is enough to redeem the whole trip, but at least I've piqued her interest.  Her sniffle is smaller.  "Really?"

         "Sure," I say.  "And...and..."  I glance around and see the funeral wreath from Duke.  "And Duke and Tristan!  They were always at each other's throats before this trip."  And now I wouldn't be surprised if their tongues were in each other's throats.  Ew.  Scrubbing that image from my mind now...

         But at least they were good for something—Ms. Freak is looking at me more hopefully.  "And now they're getting along?"

         "Oh, yeah," I nod enthusiastically.  "Only a girl could come between them now!"

         Ms. Freak doesn't look like she's going to drown in her own tears and drag me down with her any more, but she's still looking at me to throw another life preserver.  What more can I say?—Ah.  This is pure inspiration.

         "The bunnies, Ms. Freak."  I look at her dolefully.  "Did Bakura tell you about the bunnies?"  Her eyes widen in recognition.  I continue to speak in a soft, slow voice, so she has to lean forward to hear my every word.  "Think about it, Ms. Freak.  If we hadn't come on this trip, who knows what may have happened to them.  But we did, and now six baby bunnies are safe.  All because of you."

         Ms. Freak is blushing.  She giggles, embarrassed, as she twirls a piece of the friz she calls hair around her finger, looking alternately at the floor and the ceiling.  "We...I _am_ glad the bunnies are safe."

         My job here is done.  "Exactly."  I nod in approval.  And then I'm weirded out when she recovers her composure and gives me this intense stare.  Her huge glasses magnify her pupils to twice their size.  It's freaky, if you'll pardon the pun.

         "And what about you, Joseph?" she asks in her teacher-voice.  Tell me why I wanted her to be herself again?  "You have a broken leg.  How has this trip helped you?"

         I—err.  I stutter a moment. "Well, you know, me an' Seto..."  She continues to look at me like  my final grade depends on me explaining the intricacies of me and Kaiba's relationship.  I get the resigned feeling I'm about to flunk yet another subject.  "We didn't get exactly along so well before this trip.  And now—"  She looks at me eagerly as I pause in thought.  

         "We still don't get along so well," I have to admit.  Ms. Freak's shoulders visibly droop.

         "So rooming together with a member of your class that you would not normally interact with socially hasn't influenced your understanding of or altered your behavior toward him?" she asks, disappointed.  I would be too if I knew all those words for nothing.

         I takes me a second to digest all.  "Oh!  Well, if you put it that way...nah, I wouldn't say that."  True in more ways than one.  She talks like a psychology text.  
  


         "What would you say, then?" she asks me.  

         I have plenty of words for Seto, but I have to consider my company.  After a moment I just start pullin' explanations from my butt.  "It's like—he has responsibilities toward his little brother.  I have my little sister.  So we've got that in common."  Ms. Freak actually looks pleased with that generality, so I give her more.  "And he has to run a company, so he doesn't have a lot of time for fun.  So it almost makes sense for him to be a hard-ass—sorry," I quickly apologize at her blink.  I lay it on thick to make up for it.  "And you know, I have to work to go to school, so I know what it feels like to have to work to support something you _love_."  I nod vigorously but she still gives me a suspicious look.  Though she lets it pass.

         "So you're saying your relationship _has_ changed?" she asks.

         Naw, we're only wrestling each other naked now.  But it's not like I can tell her that.  I try to think of something else and finally wilt under her stare.   "Oh, I don't know."  I shrug in an _I-surrender_ manner.  "Kaiba has issues.  His _issues_ have issues.  It'll take longer than a week to clear those up.  But it's not so much that we've changed that we've realized we _could_, you know?  And that's further along than I ever thought we'd be."  
  
         I expected Ms. Freak to look crushed, but she instead she seems ridiculously happy with that statement.  "That's a very mature analysis, Joseph," she says.  It is?  "I know exactly what you mean.  And thank you.  That helps a lot."  It does?  

         But hey, if it works for her—"Aw, it was nothing."  I give her my goofiest grin and she smiles back.  And thankfully, stands up to go.

          "You're a very special student, Joseph."  She leans over and pats me on the hand—oh geez, she's holding my hand again.  My smile becomes fixed, and she mistakes it for bashfulness.  "You are!  Don't hesitate to come to my office if you ever need to talk."

         Right, we'll have a regular ole' tea party.  "Sure."  
  


         "I'll be going now.  You take care of yourself...oh, what's this?"  She opens the door only to find another batch of flowers and an envelope on the floor.  Ya know, it's not that I don't appreciate the thought, but I'm going to have nightmares that I'm drowning in pollen.

         She carries it over me since I'm sorta confined to the bed.  "Here you go."

         "Thanks, Ms. Freak," I say.  I look at the card as she turns back around to go.  I can tell they're from a kid in second period, but that's about it.  It's Ross—or maybe Rose—both are in that class.  Rose.  I'm pretty sure it's Rose.  I sigh and blame the drugs.  And then I realize something.  

         I—don't particularly want to do this.  I mean, it's one thing to talk to Ms. Freak when you have to, but going to her voluntarily?  Ya really do need help then, but not the kind she can give.  Ironic then, that I think she may be the only one who _can_ help me.  Or at least the only one willing to listen.

         I make a split-second decision as she's almost out the door.  "Ms. Freak?" I call out.  She turns around.  I shift awkwardly.  "There _was_ something else, something Kaiba helped me figure out.  It's just..."  I take a deep breath.  Might as well go all out, it'll make her happy.  "Can you...help me?"  
  
         She looks surprised.  It may be the first time a student's ever asked her that.  "Of course, Joseph."  She walks back into the room and sits down.

         Now that I've started this, I'm nervous.  "Um, is there a sort of thing called student-teacher confidentiality, you know, like lawyers?  You won't talk to anyone about this?"

         "Absolutely."  And then she looks worried and starts qualifying rapidly.  "Although I'm obligated by the state to report it if you're being hurt or abused in anyway.  However, I can assure you, it's in your best interests and I'll make sure nothing bad will happen..."  
  
         "Relax, it's not that."  Not that in the least.  I'm just...scared of the chance to stop making excuses.  Funny how that is.  "It's just—something I don't want any of my friends to know about."

         "I promise you I will not betray your confidence," she tells me.

         I take another deep breath and ask my question.  
  
~~~

         I fall asleep yet again after Ms. Freak and I talk—a real talk, a serious talk, a talk that makes me think she might be a real professional for the very first time.  Which is pretty amazing in itself, but anyway, I wake up only when another delivery person comes to my door.  He—

         I squint, but this time it's in disbelief.  The guy looks _miserable_.   Though I guess I would too if I was dressed up like an upright chocolate Labrador.  I feel a deep sense of empathy for him.  Though for the first time I have to admit I think I got off easy—at least _I_ didn't have to wear an apron emblazoned with the words "Sir Pants-a-Lot."

         "Delivery from Pet Market for Joseph Wheeler," he says in an unhappy voice, gesturing to a basket of something that he's holding in his hand.  I try to peek, but the angle's too awkward.

         "Sit—uh, I mean set it right here."  I point at the little dinner tray over my bed, as it's the only thing not covered in flowers right now.

         The lab walks over to comply.  But as he hands me the basket, he asks me, "Mind if I ask if you have a dog?"

         "What?  No, Tristan does, but..."  I look at the contents.  Dog biscuits.  Flea powder.  Squeak toys.  A collar and leash.  

         An involuntary guttural noise comes out of my throat.  It's either a groan or a death gurgle.  No, don't tell me—

         He tells me.  "Oh.  It's just that—we don't usually do deliveries, but this guy called us anonymously and told my manager he'd pay both him and me a hundred dollars if I dressed up like this and delivered a basket of treats to—" and now he's reading off the card—"'One Sick Puppy.'"

         Seto.  Is.  Going.  To.  _Die_.

**TBC...**

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Author's notes: Joey dreaming of donuts came from dub episode 28 ("The Night Before") if anyone noticed.  Also, if anyone needs to know what _Oh! Calcutta!_ is—the main reason I chose it was because it was a play performed in the nude.  When I was in high school, the April Fool's edition of our newspaper always had a headline that the theater department had chosen it for our spring play.  XD

I think everyone's figured it out if you've made it this far, but Joey's slang and most of his ungrammaticality is intentional.   However if you see something that you think is a typo, feel free to point it out—don't feel obligated, but do feel welcome.  I promise not to spaz over a spelling error. ^ _~

Thanks to everyone who reviewed since the last update!  Personal review replies are now up at the end of the previous chapter (Day Five).  I've gotten lots of support (and vows of patience) on the last chapter and I can't tell you how much appreciate it.  Sorry about the long wait—I plan to update within the same season next time.  *-_-*;;   And Kaiba _will_ reappear in the next chapter, though he did have a sorta cameo in this one, see?  Anyway, thanks again!

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